Take my life back

Spritz

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/81925614#Comment_81925614

I will wait indeed to default on all creditor accounts and take the DMP or IVA route through StepChange, at least that’s the plan for the moment. DRO is out of question for me because of property. I’m still not sure what would be best, DMP or IVA in my case. I’ve researched a bit that IVA is very restrictive, surveillance on income/spending and they only leave you a small buffer income each month just to scrape by and many quit mostly in year 2 and 3 because of putting you in survival mode.

1stTimer

Hey Spritz, I can’t answer your question but if you make a quick post on the debt free wannabe page you will get the answers you need :-) they are very knowledgeable and helpful.

I went down the DMP route however I didn’t have a mortgage but I can say it was the best thing I did and was such a relief knowing I was able to breathe again.

Good luck

Slowdown

Hi,

Just checking if your ex gets any money from the father of the newborn? It sounds like you are supporting your children, your ex and another man’s child. You sound like a lovely, caring person wanting to do the best by your children but it also feels like you are being taken advantage of. That’s of course yours to decide as we have no knowledge of your prior relationship and how you see things.

Perhaps setting out your priorities will help. The children are top of your list it seems. Great. But then what? Your new relationship? Your ex? The ex’s baby? The home where you have your mortgage? Your own needs? Once the priorities are sorted then it may offer greater clarity on where to spend your money? The children need a home but could it more affordable one? Could they move? How much time do they spend with you? Is that compromised because of your living space? If so then that’s not really fair on you providing your ex with a home they can all live in.

This is a very complex situation and you have my heartfelt sympathy. Take a beat and sit with your own feelings on it all before leaping in any direction. All the support, information and encouragement you need is here on this site and some incredibly insightful people will be able to help.

Spritz

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/81926101#Comment_81926101

Ex doesn’t get any money from newborn baby father as he simply ghosted. Yes children are top of my list but I can only help them through my ex and this proxy fatherhood is very frustrating. She cannot move with rent as it would be even more expensive than mortgage, she cannot get family help because she has no family here in UK and she can’t get help with housing because of the mortgaged home, can’t even get that government mortgaged interest help because mortgage is only in my name, I can’t apply for DRO because of that house, court most likely would order a “mesh” which would forbid from selling the house until my youngest son will be 18. I really feel like all the circumstances perfectly aligned against me. My only directions are IVA or DMP.

My eldest rarely comes at my place 1 hour driving from there but we keep in touch on phone and few hours day outs. My youngest spends 1 night at my place sometimes 2 depending if I do overtime, which I have to take as much as possible because of my bad financial situation. I live in a 1 bedroom house. Thinking to default all, go DMP route and fight for a monthly payment as low as possible, build an emergency fund and maybe take on a side gig for some extra quids. I already work 60+ hours per week and taking another side job would put even more pressure than already is in my current relationship wich I truly feel I’m blessed for meeting her. Still weighing between DMP or IVA

Spritz

Thank you for your words, I will also do a post there once I have a pack of questions 🙂

Spritz

Hey guys, I stopped paying non-essential debts and moved my income to Revolut and essential direct debits, building emergenmcy fund untill defaults start rolling hopefully without complications. Meanwhile I was thinking, as a solution to my situation (Im paying £950 my solo-mortgage for the house where my ex-wife lives with my 2 children and her newborn) + £250 Arranged Child Maintenanc, would it be possible for my ex-wife to move out with rent (she is on UC, newborn, no job) in a 3 bed house and claim Housing Element? Currently £900 for a 3 bedroom in her area is the Housing Element of UC. Meanwhile I would let the marital house, cover the mortgage with the rent and give my ex-wife the left-over between mortgage/rent wich i aprox at £300 monthly. This way i get pressure off paying mortgage and can contribute a bit more towards the £250 i agreed with her in Child Maintrenance. I would pay monthly £400 Child Maintenance instead of £1200 (mortgage + £250) and she gets aprox £700 instead of £250 . I know its complicated but what's your opinionh could this work? Would UC disagree saying why did she left marital house? I literally cant afford to pay the mortgage anymore + curent rent