Confessions of hidden debt.

underwater2025

Over the past several years, I have racked up credit card debts amounting to 41K in total. I have hidden this from my husband, and we have two young children together. The shame I feel is terrible and I know I have betrayed his trust. 

We are currently looking to remortgage and I know I need to let him know, I am fully committed to telling him but I am scared, and have spent too long on Reddit forums where the end result frequently seems to be divorce.

I have recently taken steps to resolve this situation. For the first time in my life, I have set up a budget and I’m fortunate enough to be receiving a one off bonus in March which will after tax clear about a quarter of the total amount. If i can commit to my budget - which I fully intend to - I hope to be debt free in the next 2 years. I’ve also spoken with a counselling service and am starting CBT for compulsive spending. As the truth of the matter is that is what has caused it - thoughtless and compulsive spending and living beyond my means. 

I plan to tell him this week but I am frightened. I know there is no perfect time but I need to do this. Just curious whether anyone else has been in this situation.

not sure if this is the right forum -apologies if not. 

fatbelly

Tell him the problem ... and the solution.

If you are not sure what that is, then post on the main board. You can always remortgage with your existing lender.

And then stop using that Reddit forum!

underwater2025

Thank you! I know - doom scrolling at its worst.
I’m fairly confident in the solution.

We can product transfer with our existing lender but we were hoping to borrow further to fund a renovation which would obviously attract further scrutiny. 

Fabulous50

You've taken the first positive steps to address your spending. Good luck with telling your husband, it will probably go better than you think. If he asks for a divorce shame on him !

It's only debt and can be sorted with time, patience and a budget. Sending big hugs x

underwater2025

Fabulous50 said:

You've taken the first positive steps to address your spending. Good luck with telling your husband, it will probably go better than you think. If he asks for a divorce shame on him !

It's only debt and can be sorted with time, patience and a budget. Sending big hugs x

Thank you so much. I feel awful about it all as you can imagine. Appreciate your words of encouragement xx

Brie

Do you need help with your budget?  If you want some then I suggest filling out the statement of accounts (see the link on my signature) and post it on the debt free wannabe board to get help tightening things up.  

I agree with fatbelly that the best thing to do is to tell your husband about the problem and the solution.  I would expect some anger but hopefully he'll be understanding and help you get things sorted out.  

And you mention compulsive spending - is part of the solution to sell things you have bought but don't really need??  It might generate a nice amount to use against your debt.

underwater2025

Brie said:

Do you need help with your budget?  If you want some then I suggest filling out the statement of accounts (see the link on my signature) and post it on the debt free wannabe board to get help tightening things up.  

I agree with fatbelly that the best thing to do is to tell your husband about the problem and the solution.  I would expect some anger but hopefully he'll be understanding and help you get things sorted out.  

And you mention compulsive spending - is part of the solution to sell things you have bought but don't really need??  It might generate a nice amount to use against your debt.

Thank you Brie. I think I am quite comfortable with my budget at this point in time, but I appreciate its early days on this journey. That’s a great tool (thanks for suggesting it) so if I’m struggling, I’ll follow your suggestion:

absolutely on reselling - I have been doing so and have put a small dent  onto my highest interest rate credit card from this alone. 

Thanks again for all your pointers x

in_need_of_direction

Not wishing to down play being in debt (we’ve all been there) but he may be relieved that debt is the issue.  He’s probably picked up on your concert and maybe imagining things are much worse. Good luck with the conversation 

underwater2025

in_need_of_direction said:

Not wishing to down play being in debt (we’ve all been there) but he may be relieved that debt is the issue.  He’s probably picked up on your concert and maybe imagining things are much worse. Good luck with the conversation 

Not playing it down at all - thank you xx

Rhyddid2026

Good luck with it all, let us know how you get on. 

underwater2025

I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who commented. I discussed this with my husband last night who is yes, upset and disappointed, but has been incredibly supportive. Onwards and upwards from here. Thanks again x