In 26k debt, is a career change right now worth happiness over being miserable? 35M

Rob5342

Only you can decide really, but I think you need to think long term and look at the big picture. Debts can be dealt with in a time frame that is relatively short, but your career choice will affect you for the rest of your life. 

in_need_of_direction

As well as affordability, I think you need to consider the impact on your mental health if you stay in a job that makes you miserable.  If the worst result from taking the apprenticeship is that it takes longer to pay off debt, so be it.  Maybe have a discussion with the other co parent and then assess the potential impact on your child.  Also, consider what additional earnings you could generate while doing your apprenticeship.  If this is something you truly want to do and the opportunity is there, grab it with both hands.  Chances are you can make it work with those who matter.  Also echoing what others have said about RBL

WinterWeather

I’d second contacting the Royal British Legion. Tell them you are in a mess and need help, that is what they are there for. I am married to ex-forces and have been for decades, I married him whilst he was serving. Leaving the services is incredibly hard for servicemen and more often than not PTSD is a feature, so you aren’t alone. Civvie Street is a whole new world and some struggle to cope. You have a good job that pays decently but you hate it, so it’s not all bad. Being happy and debt free are the priorities here as well as being the best example to your child. Many service marriages end when out in the real world, mine only didn’t due to my endurance (and I don’t say that lightly) but it all ended up good for us. And it will for you, but you have choices to make.

Go it alone or get help? …. get that help from the RBL - they will walk beside you and give financial support & help until you no longer need them. You’ve earned that help.

Stay in a job you hate but earn more than on an Apprenticeship for 3 years? …. Me personally, I’d stick it out until I’d paid all the debt off, you are admirable in planning to pay it off, so many walk away, go bankrupt and don’t pay, even though the money was lent in good faith that you’d pay it back, particularly your consolidation loan. Doing the right thing gives such a sense of pride and as ex-service you’ll understand that perfectly. Personal pride is what makes you who you are. If I was you, I’d stay living with your parents until that debt is paid off too. Your living expenses are very low I imagine, more to pay off your debt, you’re not alone and I bet they love having their son with them after years of you being away doing a dangerous job.

I’m sad for you that your marriage ended but you can and will go on to a brighter future, get that debt paid off, follow your dreams, be a good dad and son and if you can, pay off the rest of that debt, not far to go and think how proud of yourself you will be. 

Good luck x

Jules1047

fatbelly said:

Being stuck in a job that you hate must be horrible. I've always enjoyed mine but whether by luck or planning I'm not sure

As you are ex-forces have you had a chat to RBL to see what they can do to help? They used to be very good and had debt specialists who would spend a lot of time with their clients

It looks like they still do

Non-priority debts are not very important in the grand scheme of things and you shouldn't let them dominate your thinking

Thank you for this, I haven't really looked at the rbl. I do have those thoughts of feeling like I don't deserve it or there are people who need it more. I.e homeless veterans etc.

Jules1047

sourcrates said:

I second the advice to check out the British Legion.

They helped my ex-wife who had significant debts a few years back, she is ex Royal Navy, they managed to get a good portion of the debt written off for her, there are also grants for various things as well.

Thanks for the insight, I appreciate it. Hope she is doing better now.
How did the RBL support her? Similar to stepchange via an iva or DMP or was it a different route? Never looked at the RBL for support before

Jules1047

kimwp said:

Will you have the opportunity again? 

Honestly, I can't be sure. It's in a specific role which is the 3rd role I've applied for having been rejected by two other councul employers for the same job.

Jules1047

Rob5342 said:

Only you can decide really, but I think you need to think long term and look at the big picture. Debts can be dealt with in a time frame that is relatively short, but your career choice will affect you for the rest of your life. 

Yes, that's a good perspective. Thank you for your input

Jules1047

in_need_of_direction said:

As well as affordability, I think you need to consider the impact on your mental health if you stay in a job that makes you miserable.  If the worst result from taking the apprenticeship is that it takes longer to pay off debt, so be it.  Maybe have a discussion with the other co parent and then assess the potential impact on your child.  Also, consider what additional earnings you could generate while doing your apprenticeship.  If this is something you truly want to do and the opportunity is there, grab it with both hands.  Chances are you can make it work with those who matter.  Also echoing what others have said about RBL

Thank you for this, I appreciate it.
My ex-wife earns relatively well and this won't impact child maintenance drastically so it won't have a huge impact on the wellbeing of my child which is the main priority for me.

I have had to take time off from the role at various points because of that effect which are work related.

I've looked at possible driving and evening roles to tie in with my main job, just needs to be a weekday due to childcare reasons. I will literally do anything part time on top if it pays as the bigger picture is having a career I'll enjoy

Jules1047

WinterWeather said:

I’d second contacting the Royal British Legion. Tell them you are in a mess and need help, that is what they are there for. I am married to ex-forces and have been for decades, I married him whilst he was serving. Leaving the services is incredibly hard for servicemen and more often than not PTSD is a feature, so you aren’t alone. Civvie Street is a whole new world and some struggle to cope. You have a good job that pays decently but you hate it, so it’s not all bad. Being happy and debt free are the priorities here as well as being the best example to your child. Many service marriages end when out in the real world, mine only didn’t due to my endurance (and I don’t say that lightly) but it all ended up good for us. And it will for you, but you have choices to make.

Go it alone or get help? …. get that help from the RBL - they will walk beside you and give financial support & help until you no longer need them. You’ve earned that help.

Stay in a job you hate but earn more than on an Apprenticeship for 3 years? …. Me personally, I’d stick it out until I’d paid all the debt off, you are admirable in planning to pay it off, so many walk away, go bankrupt and don’t pay, even though the money was lent in good faith that you’d pay it back, particularly your consolidation loan. Doing the right thing gives such a sense of pride and as ex-service you’ll understand that perfectly. Personal pride is what makes you who you are. If I was you, I’d stay living with your parents until that debt is paid off too. Your living expenses are very low I imagine, more to pay off your debt, you’re not alone and I bet they love having their son with them after years of you being away doing a dangerous job.

I’m sad for you that your marriage ended but you can and will go on to a brighter future, get that debt paid off, follow your dreams, be a good dad and son and if you can, pay off the rest of that debt, not far to go and think how proud of yourself you will be. 

Good luck x

Thank you for this, I really appreciate your honest words. It does put things into perspective. 
I suppose it's been difficult ever since I left, I lost my sense of purpose, struggled mentally and didn't budget as I am now and would often bury my head in the sand and try and forget about it all. I would spend to cope with some of those feelings and I am trying to be accountable now.


I haven't looked at the RBL before for support as I didn't know if I'd qualify. I haven't lost any limbs and I'm not homeless so wasn't sure what they could do for me. 

RAS

Jules1047 said:

WinterWeather said:

I’d second contacting the Royal British Legion. Tell them you are in a mess and need help, that is what they are there for. I am married to ex-forces and have been for decades, I married him whilst he was serving. Leaving the services is incredibly hard for servicemen and more often than not PTSD is a feature, so you aren’t alone. Civvie Street is a whole new world and some struggle to cope. You have a good job that pays decently but you hate it, so it’s not all bad. Being happy and debt free are the priorities here as well as being the best example to your child. Many service marriages end when out in the real world, mine only didn’t due to my endurance (and I don’t say that lightly) but it all ended up good for us. And it will for you, but you have choices to make.

Go it alone or get help? …. get that help from the RBL - they will walk beside you and give financial support & help until you no longer need them. You’ve earned that help.

Stay in a job you hate but earn more than on an Apprenticeship for 3 years? …. Me personally, I’d stick it out until I’d paid all the debt off, you are admirable in planning to pay it off, so many walk away, go bankrupt and don’t pay, even though the money was lent in good faith that you’d pay it back, particularly your consolidation loan. Doing the right thing gives such a sense of pride and as ex-service you’ll understand that perfectly. Personal pride is what makes you who you are. If I was you, I’d stay living with your parents until that debt is paid off too. Your living expenses are very low I imagine, more to pay off your debt, you’re not alone and I bet they love having their son with them after years of you being away doing a dangerous job.

I’m sad for you that your marriage ended but you can and will go on to a brighter future, get that debt paid off, follow your dreams, be a good dad and son and if you can, pay off the rest of that debt, not far to go and think how proud of yourself you will be. 

Good luck x

Thank you for this, I really appreciate your honest words. It does put things into perspective. 
I suppose it's been difficult ever since I left, I lost my sense of purpose, struggled mentally and didn't budget as I am now and would often bury my head in the sand and try and forget about it all. I would spend to cope with some of those feelings and I am trying to be accountable now.


I haven't looked at the RBL before for support as I didn't know if I'd qualify. I haven't lost any limbs and I'm not homeless so wasn't sure what they could do for me. 

PTSD is a damaging as physical injury. And has a nasty habit of being triggered by unexpected instances, a tone, a smell, an innocent action. Please do not underestimate the impact. If only for your child's sake. 

And adjusting to civilian life is harder to do as well.

Contact RBL. They might help, or might make a referral. Hope it works for you.