DIY Estate Handling - My Recent Experience

jmr95

Not sure how helpful this will be or whether it belongs somewhere else, but if it helps even one person, it’s worth sharing.

I sadly lost my mum earlier this year. The estate was fairly simple - a house, a few bank accounts, local government pension, routine household possessions, and no debts (including no mortgage). I was both executor and sole beneficiary, and decided to handle everything myself rather than use a solicitor or paid probate service. I am a pretty driven and organised person, so I did not go into this with much concern after doing my homework.

The will was held with the Co-op. Before they’d release it, they insisted on a call with a “probate consultant.” This (predictably) turned out to be a sales call for their own probate service, which I declined.  I’m very glad I didn’t go that route, and I genuinely believe they'd not have got this done as fast as I did. I also really did not like the idea of having no control, even over stuff like utilities..personally I saw no value there. The consultant leaned heavily on potential “tax complications,” which, looking back, felt more like an attempt to make me doubt myself and agree to pay them to do it for me rather than genuine concern.

Here’s roughly the order I followed:

• Register death / Tell Us Once

• Notify Co-op (there was a funeral plan in place)

• Inform banks (mostly straightforward)

• Notify utilities, services, and other organisations (also pretty painless)

• Take a short breather

• Complete the IHT forms

• Send IHT forms

• Submit probate application (simple online process — grant arrived in about two weeks)

Utilities/Accounts

Organisations have dedicated bereavement departments - ensure you use them (always get the details from their official websites). This process was mostly easy, with organisations trying to be supportive and helpful. Some had varying levels of requirements, but mostly it was just a case of a phone call an sending the death certificate. Even TV Licensing were easy to deal with! 

Make sure you use Tell us Once, it's very good and was a breeze. If any departments need anything from you, you will hear from them (I had a small balance to settle with DWP for instance)

Also, Tell us Once contains information about the Bereavement Register - a good way to stop unwanted mail.

Banks will want more info - check with each bank, they all have different requirements and different thresholds for wether or not probate is needed.

Some however can be and are just straight up stubborn with rigid internal policy. 'Computer says no' - I had one charity say they needed the donator to confirm they wished to stop payments...but that's another story, and thankfully very much the exception in my experience. 

Your mileage may of course vary.

Inheritance Tax Forms

Filling out (and printing!) the IHT forms was by far the most tedious part. The process is still entirely paper-based and honestly feels archaic and unnecessary when there’s no tax to pay. It’s slow, but once you accept that the system is what it is, you’ll get through it. Complain about it to a friend or strangers on the internet if you need to; it helps. But, personally I really resent the fact HMRC make people do this for estates so clearly not subject to IHT and I do hope this is made simpler in future. I did see that there is at least a digital version of the process coming at some point.

The key is to have all your valuations ready and mostly* accurate. I’d managed to go through my mum’s finances with her during the earlier stages of her illness, which made things so much easier later on. It’s not an easy conversation to have, but if it’s possible and everyone’s comfortable, I can’t recommend it enough — she saved me a huge amount of stress (it was her who wanted to cover it)

Despite using Special Delivery, I did not get confirmation that the forms were delivered. This seems quite common, and a few weeks later I got my probate code.

* - It is important to be accurate here, but there are certain things where it's hard to say to the pound. Eg, you're not expected to total up the value of pots and pans - you do need to make reasonable estimations for routine stuff though, and make sure you can later prove it IF subjected to scrutiny. Also of note, when I received the letter back confirming the estate value (which was way under the 500k threshold I had due to RNRB), they stated that I only needed to report updates IF they made a material impact to the tax situation. In practice, this means that any straggling dues to the estate come in later, you don't need to worry too much if they are small. That's my potentially subjective interpretation, but it does seem HMRC are rather pragmatic in this respect, and I did not report a few additional monies paid to the estate as it was simply not going to make a difference to the outcome. This is in contrast to what I have seen mentioned here before though, as I was under the impression you MUST report ANY additional proceeds paid to the estate.

Probate Application

Super straight forward - all online, fill in the info it asks, pay the fee - mine took two weeks end to end, so can't complain about that.

House Sale

Currently with solicitors, but having probate was a big weight off my shoulders. Note, you CAN market a property without probate, you just can't complete the sale. Make sure you have insurance if the property is empty - but note, unoccupied property insurance carries a significant premium, and many have super restrictive terms. The cheap policies only cover you for things like earthquakes and - quite literally - if a plane falls out of the sky, for example.

Reflections & Tips

Looking back, I’m really glad I handled everything myself. It was time-consuming (and I still have to finish the house sale), but the tasks are logical and very doable if you stay organised. The emotional side is harder than the paperwork. 

A few tips that helped me:

• Keep a simple spreadsheet of everything — dates, balances, who you’ve contacted, what’s outstanding. Update it every time there's progress on a task, you'll thank yourself later

• Save ALL paperwork, get a folder and keep it organised, eg Utilities, HMRC/Probate, Finance, etc etc.

• Don’t rush. Take breaks when you need them; nothing truly urgent happens overnight.

• When in doubt, trust the GOV.UK guidance — it’s more reliable than a lot of what you’ll find online.

• Use this forum! Some questions feel awkward to ask, but there's loads of help here.

• Don’t be pressured into paid services unless the estate is genuinely complex or you simply don't want to deal with it.

• If you can, have those awkward money conversations with loved ones early — they save a lot of confusion later. Obviously, it is not always going to be possible.

• Also related to the above, ensuring the will is in order, pension/work beneficiaries etc are in order, also saves it. Again...not everyone will have this option.

Doing it all myself gave me a strange sense of peace. It wasn’t just admin — it felt like one last thing I could do for my mum. There were stressful moments, but also a quiet pride when that final confirmation of probate arrived and everything was settled. Now I have to deal with the solicitors, but then it's rather just a house sale.

Totally get that this is on the much simpler end of the scale, but if anyone has questions about the process, forms, whatever - just ask. 

I am by no means an expert after handling 1 estate - so take my experience with a pinch of salt

Steve.

WillowLeaf

Great post Steve, and sorry to hear about your mum.

I did the same with my Dads 4 years ago and very similar experience. A few points or comments:-

• The government website and processes were excellent. Very clear and simple.
• Probate came back within 4 days for me. My sisters husband was dealing with his mums estate at the same time and theirs was taking months (which could be because he was paying a solicitor to do it, or not do it as the case may be)
• Dad had internet banking on his joint bank accounts, mum didn't. His access got disabled. I asked the bank how they knew he had died and they said Tell Us Once had told them. We'd been holding off telling them. The account itself was not locked out as it was joint account, but we had to set her up with online banking (which as a deaf 83 year old was as hard as you'd expect)
• Land Registry forms were a nightmare, MS Word format with, to me, incomprehensible clarity.
• Spreadsheets are a godsend for this sort of thing, easy to track, colour code and put 'Status' notes in
• All the companies I dealt with were respectful, you'd hope the bereavement department would be, but it was still nice.
• There was no IHT to pay for my dad, and we did not have to do any paperwork. It was an easy online form.
• This is a good place to find any lost bank accounts (he didn't have any) - https://www.mylostaccount.org.uk/
• There were a lot of frustrating loose ends to tie up. He had a £1 premium bond which I wanted to close out, not for the £1, but to get everything closed. That was hard work, and they wouldn't donate it so sent me a cheque.
• Found various paperwork suggesting Life Assurance, but was told he's already cashed them in. Not sure how I would confirm that.
• We had a lot of his emails to go through. I don't know exactly how many as he had 99,999+ indicated.
• We sold his car worryingly easily. The main dealer who he bought it off bought it back, but we didnt have the V5. My mum just signed something, even though they didn't confirm she was the rightful beneficiary.
• It helped that I have the same name as him, so I was able to close some of his high street things by just telling them truthfully what *my* name is and would like to close these accounts. I never lied.
• The whole process was a welcome distraction from the sadness. Whether that's denial i'm not sure but it gave me something to do and took my mums mind of things with my progress updates.
• There is a certain sequence to closing things, mobile phone and email are last as there were a lot of 2-factor authentication type things needed.
• We got about 10 death certs as quite a few place needed them sent and not all were returned.

I guess that's what a lot of these probate consultants or similar do. Just work through the steps that after a while become second nature.

poseidon1

jmr95 said:

Not sure how helpful this will be or whether it belongs somewhere else, but if it helps even one person, it’s worth sharing.

I sadly lost my mum earlier this year. The estate was fairly simple - a house, a few bank accounts, local government pension, routine household possessions, and no debts (including no mortgage). I was both executor and sole beneficiary, and decided to handle everything myself rather than use a solicitor or paid probate service. I am a pretty driven and organised person, so I did not go into this with much concern after doing my homework.

The will was held with the Co-op. Before they’d release it, they insisted on a call with a “probate consultant.” This (predictably) turned out to be a sales call for their own probate service, which I declined.  I’m very glad I didn’t go that route, and I genuinely believe they'd not have got this done as fast as I did. I also really did not like the idea of having no control, even over stuff like utilities..personally I saw no value there. The consultant leaned heavily on potential “tax complications,” which, looking back, felt more like an attempt to make me doubt myself and agree to pay them to do it for me rather than genuine concern.

Here’s roughly the order I followed:

• Register death / Tell Us Once

• Notify Co-op (there was a funeral plan in place)

• Inform banks (mostly straightforward)

• Notify utilities, services, and other organisations (also pretty painless)

• Take a short breather

• Complete the IHT forms

• Send IHT forms

• Submit probate application (simple online process — grant arrived in about two weeks)

Utilities/Accounts

Organisations have dedicated bereavement departments - ensure you use them (always get the details from their official websites). This process was mostly easy, with organisations trying to be supportive and helpful. Some had varying levels of requirements, but mostly it was just a case of a phone call an sending the death certificate. Even TV Licensing were easy to deal with! 

Make sure you use Tell us Once, it's very good and was a breeze. If any departments need anything from you, you will hear from them (I had a small balance to settle with DWP for instance)

Also, Tell us Once contains information about the Bereavement Register - a good way to stop unwanted mail.

Banks will want more info - check with each bank, they all have different requirements and different thresholds for wether or not probate is needed.

Some however can be and are just straight up stubborn with rigid internal policy. 'Computer says no' - I had one charity say they needed the donator to confirm they wished to stop payments...but that's another story, and thankfully very much the exception in my experience. 

Your mileage may of course vary.

Inheritance Tax Forms

Filling out (and printing!) the IHT forms was by far the most tedious part. The process is still entirely paper-based and honestly feels archaic and unnecessary when there’s no tax to pay. It’s slow, but once you accept that the system is what it is, you’ll get through it. Complain about it to a friend or strangers on the internet if you need to; it helps. But, personally I really resent the fact HMRC make people do this for estates so clearly not subject to IHT and I do hope this is made simpler in future. I did see that there is at least a digital version of the process coming at some point.

The key is to have all your valuations ready and mostly* accurate. I’d managed to go through my mum’s finances with her during the earlier stages of her illness, which made things so much easier later on. It’s not an easy conversation to have, but if it’s possible and everyone’s comfortable, I can’t recommend it enough — she saved me a huge amount of stress (it was her who wanted to cover it)

Despite using Special Delivery, I did not get confirmation that the forms were delivered. This seems quite common, and a few weeks later I got my probate code.

* - It is important to be accurate here, but there are certain things where it's hard to say to the pound. Eg, you're not expected to total up the value of pots and pans - you do need to make reasonable estimations for routine stuff though, and make sure you can later prove it IF subjected to scrutiny. Also of note, when I received the letter back confirming the estate value (which was way under the 500k threshold I had due to RNRB), they stated that I only needed to report updates IF they made a material impact to the tax situation. In practice, this means that any straggling dues to the estate come in later, you don't need to worry too much if they are small. That's my potentially subjective interpretation, but it does seem HMRC are rather pragmatic in this respect, and I did not report a few additional monies paid to the estate as it was simply not going to make a difference to the outcome. This is in contrast to what I have seen mentioned here before though, as I was under the impression you MUST report ANY additional proceeds paid to the estate.

Probate Application

Super straight forward - all online, fill in the info it asks, pay the fee - mine took two weeks end to end, so can't complain about that.

House Sale

Currently with solicitors, but having probate was a big weight off my shoulders. Note, you CAN market a property without probate, you just can't complete the sale. Make sure you have insurance if the property is empty - but note, unoccupied property insurance carries a significant premium, and many have super restrictive terms. The cheap policies only cover you for things like earthquakes and - quite literally - if a plane falls out of the sky, for example.

Reflections & Tips

Looking back, I’m really glad I handled everything myself. It was time-consuming (and I still have to finish the house sale), but the tasks are logical and very doable if you stay organised. The emotional side is harder than the paperwork. 

A few tips that helped me:

• Keep a simple spreadsheet of everything — dates, balances, who you’ve contacted, what’s outstanding. Update it every time there's progress on a task, you'll thank yourself later

• Save ALL paperwork, get a folder and keep it organised, eg Utilities, HMRC/Probate, Finance, etc etc.

• Don’t rush. Take breaks when you need them; nothing truly urgent happens overnight.

• When in doubt, trust the GOV.UK guidance — it’s more reliable than a lot of what you’ll find online.

• Use this forum! Some questions feel awkward to ask, but there's loads of help here.

• Don’t be pressured into paid services unless the estate is genuinely complex or you simply don't want to deal with it.

• If you can, have those awkward money conversations with loved ones early — they save a lot of confusion later. Obviously, it is not always going to be possible.

• Also related to the above, ensuring the will is in order, pension/work beneficiaries etc are in order, also saves it. Again...not everyone will have this option.

Doing it all myself gave me a strange sense of peace. It wasn’t just admin — it felt like one last thing I could do for my mum. There were stressful moments, but also a quiet pride when that final confirmation of probate arrived and everything was settled. Now I have to deal with the solicitors, but then it's rather just a house sale.

Totally get that this is on the much simpler end of the scale, but if anyone has questions about the process, forms, whatever - just ask. 

I am by no means an expert after handling 1 estate - so take my experience with a pinch of salt

Steve.

As a point of clarification and given you say your mum's estate was simple and below the IHT threshold, did it not qualify as an 'excepted estate' per guidance below- 

https://www.gov.uk/valuing-estate-of-someone-who-died/check-type-of-estate

https://www.thegazette.co.uk/all-notices/content/104142

If it was excepted, you would not have been required to complete IHT 400 and could have proceeded to apply for probate via the online process.

https://www.gov.uk/applying-for-probate/apply-for-probate

Admittedly for any would be DIY executor initially embarking on this process you obviously  don't know what you don't know.

There are probate administration guides one can buy, but notwithstanding HMRC's attempts over the years to make the process more accessible to the average lay person it remains complicated because the law of wills ( and trusts) and the attendant tax regime for both,  are intrinsically complicated and regrettably  were not designed to be navigated by non professionals. 

Therefore, I definitely agree that the entire system is long overdue a root and branch overhaul to be far more user friendly, but I  can see no likelihood of this happening anytime soon.

tacpot12

That is really useful. I'm sure it will help a lot of people who are considering either doing it themselves, or paying a solicitor or 'probate consultant' to do it for them. 

Rebby

@jmr95 thank you so much for posting this.  It is great.  We've been going through similar with my uncle and sorting out things after my auntie died.  Slightly different on a few items in NI (such as tell us once not working), but such a great guide.

@WillowLeaf and @poseidon1 great replies there too.

if I could just add - anyone going through this process, people will be trying to help you, but if you need a minute then just say.  So if you're on the phone to someone and they're explaining something to you then remember take a minute if you need it.  Just say you need a bit of time to have a think about what's happening and you can phone back later for more help.
The furniture manual is always my favourite helper here - some people like to see the instructions and to read them before giving them a go, some will want to hear or have them explained to them before giving it a go, others will just go for it  and give it a whirl!  Everyone will work out what's going on and what do do next in different ways.  The next person you phone might be totally on your wavelength and it will all somehow make sense.  Pause for a cup of tea and come back to anything which you just haven't got your head around yet.  You will get there