The emotional side of selling your house

rowan222

Anyone else experienced a sort of separation anxiety of selling and leaving their home?

The house we are selling has been in the family for a long time. I even grew up here. Then I moved away and lived abroad for a while. When we came back we lived not too far away but the house was occupied by another family member but as there were empty rooms it worked for us to use it a temporary home from home on occasions. Usually a few days or a week at a time when work travel necessitated it. The memories started to come back, some good and a few bad.

Then about 18 months ago we inherited it. So we been living here pretty much doing some improvements and its now on the market. The thing is the prospect of letting it go scares me and rips me apart. But I absolutely dont want to stay here! So being totally logical I should be happy but I'm not. The emotional side of letting it go is very very strong and frightening. 

Has anyone else experienced anything like this? And how did you cope with it?

 

kimwp

Feelings are complicated! Have you tried breaking down those feelings into different types (you mention it being scary, is it just fear or is there some sadness etc) and thinking about why you are having those feelings? Understanding them can be a good way to not let them overwhelm you.

Flugelhorn

Really difficult to leave a house you have attachment to - one thing is to walk round every room  when is completely empty as it won't look anything like  you remember it, helps to remember it is the things & people  not the building that matter.  Then lock the door behind you and walk away 

rowan222

kimwp said:

Feelings are complicated! Have you tried breaking down those feelings into different types (you mention it being scary, is it just fear or is there some sadness etc) and thinking about why you are having those feelings? Understanding them can be a good way to not let them overwhelm you.

I think the fear probably comes from the realisation that once I sign the contract/complete it really is final, no going back. There is a lot of sadness involved. Despite not wanting to stay here and move on it was always a family home, it was always here and was in many ways a "safe space" to come back to.  

rowan222

Flugelhorn said:

Really difficult to leave a house you have attachment to - one thing is to walk round every room  when is completely empty as it won't look anything like  you remember it, helps to remember it is the things & people  not the building that matter.  Then lock the door behind you and walk away 

Thats a good point. Right now there's still a fair amount of furniture still in some rooms despite us having cleared out some. I think/hope that once we do the final clear out I'll just want it to be done with. Lots of tears expected!

kimwp

rowan222 said:

kimwp said:

Feelings are complicated! Have you tried breaking down those feelings into different types (you mention it being scary, is it just fear or is there some sadness etc) and thinking about why you are having those feelings? Understanding them can be a good way to not let them overwhelm you.

I think the fear probably comes from the realisation that once I sign the contract/complete it really is final, no going back. There is a lot of sadness involved. Despite not wanting to stay here and move on it was always a family home, it was always here and was in many ways a "safe space" to come back to.  

I get that. I have a lot of emotions around my grans house (which was sold years ago) - it was where my favourite person lived and I felt really loved and was an exciting house, large and rambling, filled with lots of interesting drawers and cupboards to look into. 

After it's sold, it may no longer be a place that you can physically go to, but it will still represent that safe place - which was actually created by the people that lived there. Similar to the idea above, but before emptying it, you could go round the house and revisit memories, writing them down and taking pictures if you want, so you can take those with you. It may also help to say thank you to each room and goodbye and acknowledge out loud any other thoughts, maybe hoping that it will be a safe space for the new owners.

harlequinnyc

You may surprise yourself. Once you enter into the selling process, it firms thing up in your mind that it's going to belong to someone else and, in my experience, once you close the door and go to your new home, you don't give the old one a second thought. You have all the memories you made there, think of it as just walls and a roof.
If you ever want to "revisit", just do it on Google street view. 

lincroft1710

I've never had any real emotional attachment to any of the 9 properties I've lived in or spent a lot of time in. Some I was glad to leave, all had disadvantages, most have since be altered/extended

horsewithnoname

It’s just a building. Memories will go with you. 

youth_leader

I had to sell our family home when my husband died, both of my young adult kids - 20 and 22 - were devastated.  I didn't have the money or the energy to maintain a Listed II on my own, and had a few horrible experiences with trades that made my mind up.

jackieblack

I'm going through this atm, selling the home I've lived in for over 25 years, the family home where my daughter grew up, the home that was my security and place of safety after my marriage broke down, the home I thought I'd live out the rest of my days...  However the maintenance and upkeep has started to get too much for me, I have only really been using two rooms and the driving back and forth (my now adult daughter and her family live an hour away) is getting tiresome.  It's a family home (walking distance to good schools with a decent sized garden)  and should have a family living in it...
So I'm moving to live with my now adult daughter and her family (jointly buying a bigger house and will be installing a Granny annexe) which will be a massive change but will have more advantages for us all than disadvantages.  
Emotionally, I'm choosing to look forwards, to what I'm moving to, rather than backwards at what I'm leaving.
I have, however, removed the piece of architrave from the doorway of the bedroom that was my daughter's, and has more recently been my granddaughter's, and on which their heights have been marked each year on their birthdays.  Hopefully we'll be able to mount it somewhere at the same height in the new house/annexe and continue marking my granddaughter's height on it as she grows up  - it was the one thing in the house that it really upset me to think of being painted over/changed (it has been replaced with a new piece, I hasten to add)