Could somebody please proof read my MCOL defence?

UKParafire

Good Evening,

I would really appreciate it if someone could proof read my defence please and provide some feedback to ensure I am not dropping myself in it!

Any feedback is gratefully received, thanks:

3. The Defendant made a genuine attempt to pay for parking via the advertised online system and has witnesses who can attest to this. However, due to a likely technical issue, (such as a failed internet connection or a fault with the provider’s system) the payment was not processed, as confirmed by the absence of a corresponding bank transaction. The Defendant was unaware of this failure until receiving a demand for £100, which falsely stated that a prior, discounted charge had been ignored. This was the first correspondence received, and it arrived just two days before the Defendant deployed overseas on a two week military training exercise, limiting any opportunity to respond. The Defendant made multiple attempts to challenge the charge online before deploying, but was obstructed by a faulty feedback loop on the Claimant’s website and no telephone appeals were permitted. Upon returning to the UK, the Defendant found that the matter had already escalated to debt collection. The Defendant maintains that they acted in good faith, attempted to resolve the matter at the earliest opportunity, and were denied a fair chance to appeal or pay a reduced charge due to systemic failures and the timing of military duties.

Coupon-mad

We will, if you stick to your ONE thread about this case, please (no new threads; no context).