Trying to Break the Cycle and Get Debt-Free

NotMsGreen

Hi all,

TL;DR:

Civil servant earning £2,379 net per month. Around £1,100 of that goes to creditor payments (all unsecured debt). Struggling due to neurodivergence, poor mental health, and increased financial responsibilities after losing a parent. Some lenders have been supportive. Others, like My Community Finance, are refusing to help unless I fall into arrears first, even though I’m being proactive. I'm not sleeping, and I'm scared defaults could affect my job. Just want to break the cycle and get proper help. Any advice would be appreciated.

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I’m posting because I’ve reached a point where I really need to get a grip on my debt and stop the cycle. I want to be debt-free and in control, not constantly firefighting.

I work full-time in the Civil Service and earn a decent salary net (£2379). On paper, I should be fine. But over time, I’ve taken out a lot of unaffordable credit. All unsecured, but I’m now stuck in a cycle where I’m using credit to pay for basics or to cover repayments on other credit. It’s constant juggling between overdrafts, credit cards and high-interest loans.

I ended up in this position mainly because of my mental health. I’m neurodivergent and for years I’ve struggled with emotional spending, avoidance, and a complete lack of control around money. That got worse after I lost a parent. I had to step up to support family members, including adult siblings who are still studying. There was no inheritance, no assets, nothing. I’ve done my best, but the responsibility and emotional toll have made it harder to make good financial decisions, further burying my head in the sand. 

Some lenders have actually been great. A couple have agreed to breathing space without forcing me to fall into arrears first. They’ve simply added the missed payment to the end of the loan. That feels fair and supportive. Also, I managed to agree arrangement to pay with several lenders. 

But others have not. One lender, My Community Finance, advised they can’t offer any kind of payment hold or plan unless I first miss a payment. I didn’t even ask them to restructure the debt. All I asked was to temporarily put the account on hold while I weigh up my options. I explained that I’m looking into getting support through StepChange or PayPlan, and that I also need to understand from my HR what the consequences might be for my job. I wanted to be honest and give them early notice that my August payment may be difficult.

It feels like I’m being punished for trying to do the right thing. I’m in good standing right now with all my accounts, but I’m being told I have to intentionally default before they will help me.

This whole thing is affecting my mental health. I’m not sleeping. I’m constantly anxious. I have a disability and I’m not in a position to easily find another role if I lose this one. I’m finally getting the support I need, but it feels like taking action to protect my wellbeing might still backfire if my employer sees it the wrong way.

Right now, I just want to stop the spiral - I’ve come here because I know people in this forum understand.

I’d really appreciate any advice.

Thanks for reading.

fatbelly

My Community Finance is a Credit Union, not bound by Consumer Credit Act or CONC rules. We are aware that they can be aggressive and ( on this board) we suggest that you give them priority. 

So default on the rest, get a payment arrangement with MCF and distribute whatever is left pro-rata amongst the other creditors.

Voyager2002

fatbelly said:

My Community Finance is a Credit Union, not bound by Consumer Credit Act or CONC rules. We are aware that they can be aggressive and ( on this board) we suggest that you give them priority. 

So default on the rest, get a payment arrangement with MCF and distribute whatever is left pro-rata amongst the other creditors.

The OP is concerned that a default might affect his job.

sourcrates

Any kind of debt help is going to affect your credit file, you have been lucky so far in that lenders have agreed to add missed payments to the end of your loan agreements, but they are not obliged to do that.

When you sign these credit agreements, you`ll note the lender also signs it, so you are both bound by contract to observe the terms and conditions of said agreements, they have to follow guidance on how to treat those in financial difficulty, and it nearly always requires you to default on payments or start paying lesser amounts, as in an arrangement to pay, before anything can be done.

Until you break the terms of the agreement, as far as they are concerned, you are not in difficulty, its just one of those things.

Having said all that, the help creditors offer is not of much use, they are OK with short term problems, but if you are going to be affected for longer than say 6 months, they will just refer you to the debt charities and look to off load your debt as soon as they possibly can.

So negative credit history is par for the course with any debt solution I`m afraid, the two walk hand in hand.

Does your employer perform credit checks on its employees???

NotMsGreen

Many thanks all.

For standard security, they don't. However, my team has a special security clearance, which means they do ask about finances, and may view someone with debt as a risk. I will for sure ask my HR. I am just really worried. Although, perhaps less catastrophising. 

RAS

Do you have a union? If so, speak to your representative and ask them to have a "what if" conversation. 

As it happens we've got someone else currently seeking work that requires security clearance, and in debt, and worried, and another member has posted up in response that they have debts and security clearance. 

It's vital that your declare the issue to HR fairly promptly. Being in debt isn't inherently a problem. It's not declaring your debt that makes you vulnerable to blackmail or risk-taking.

You might also want to check whether there are charities, university hardship schemes, or associations related to your parents' previous occupations who might provide funds to support your younger family members?

NotMsGreen

RAS said:

Do you have a union? If so, speak to your representative and ask them to have a "what if" conversation. 

As it happens we've got someone else currently seeking work that requires security clearance, and in debt, and worried, and another member has posted up in response that they have debts and security clearance. 

It's vital that your declare the issue to HR fairly promptly. Being in debt isn't inherently a problem. It's not declaring your debt that makes you vulnerable to blackmail or risk-taking.

You might also want to check whether there are charities, university hardship schemes, or associations related to your parents' previous occupations who might provide funds to support your younger family members?

Thank you, yes, I will ask HR and Union, and hoping they will say not an issue. Thank you. 

RAS

Speak to the union first and ask them to talk to HR. That way HR know the union have your back.