The Sea is Calling

juliejim

Congratulations to your DH

wishus

Thanks @juliejim it's his last day tomorrow at his current job. 

In the meantime, I'm having a wobbly week. I currently have work but getting regular stuff in is another matter. 

I knew it would take time to build, and that was okay, but the building quotes I've had are pretty high. I've had to repost the job too because of builders not getting back to me. 

Had to cross some things off my calendar. Even if they are 'free' it will cost to do them. 

wishus

Hello peeps. The OH has now been at his new job for nearly 2 weeks and it is going well. I currently have a house full of builders. They came in at 2/3 of the other quote we got. Also, the car broke down and that was expensive but also came in at under the quote. I may be sobbing, but I'm still very grateful. It's a few thousand pounds out of my redundancy payment and I no longer have any paid work on the books, so I have to do some hunting.

The builders are on a break now. I can see from upstairs that they have marked initials into the new concrete footings, but I also think the cat has too.

Just finalised my August grocery challenge and it was £3.47 over budget. But I'm £2.82 under the whole month budget, which is good. Let me say I would not have managed the budget at all without the eco shop, buying food that supermarkets have chucked out.

September is a busy month. We have a few evenings/days out booked when I was full-time employed, and I've shared my budget plan with OH. He was a little shocked I think, but I pointed out, I've got less coming in than the maximum planned spend, so this is a sensible limit, and we can do better. After all, a gig we can walk to with maybe 2 drinks each and no merch should cost no more than £20, and I've maxed that a little higher. It's a third pint, and maybe a pub after, or a takeaway on the way home, and then you are looking at expensive. We are going to another event that will be cheaper for us if we take a packed lunch and drinks, and don't go out for dinner.

If I can keep earning at the rate I have been, I will catch up, but of course it's all uncertain. I will persist.

wishus

I'm on my September budget!

Today, I'm missing out on a friend's picnic, but I can't splash out on the train fare to meet them.

I went out to a gig last night and accepted a drink and never got the chance to buy one back, so technically yesterday was a no spend night for me. That's going to help. 

I had a lot of fun. The music was excellent. I know following on Spatify and YourTuba isn't the same as buying merch to support the artists, but it's better than a poke in the eye.

I have a big bit of work to do, and I'm procrastinating. It's not one that will earn me anything for a while but I should get it done really. Trouble is, I keep forgetting how to do it and keep having to watch the videos.

One thing I always tell people is that you can't do half work and half chill - you will do neither effectively. Pomodoros really help me to focus, so I reckon I'll do an hour on, then it's Sunday night chill time.

liselle

Well I volunteer at a Foodbank and we quite often see people who are employed, albeit part-time or on minimum wage.If you can request a voucher, p’rps from your G.P. a Foodbank would be able to help you with food and possibly toiletries and household cleaners, depending on what they have at the time.

wishus

Thanks, @lisellle - I have found an eco shop that doesn't need referrals. If I use that I'm also preventing food waste!

wishus

Busy weekend of getting things done. The bramble scratches attest to a lot of garden clearing. Climbing roses have been rescued from the collapsed trellis and replanted in giant pots. A rose I got from leaving work has been planted in another pot. The rosemary bush has been trimmed, parted from its surprise tree neighbour and replanted. Apple trees have had their brambles and bindweed removed and been straightened. We have a lot of apples! More importantly, we could get to the shed and try out the chipper we rescued. It is violent! But it works. I got slightly addicted to burning,and also I cleared all the brambles out and away from the plastic greenhouse. It has mostly disintegrated but I guess it's still useable.

How lovely to have a clear patio, adorned with fragrant roses and herbs. The garden still needs a lot doing, but it's much more spacious now.

Work-wise, I have been lucky enough to get a couple of opportunities. I called a client this morning and checked out what he would like to do, and reported back to my new boss. I have another boss call this afternoon, different bosses, for another project I'm getting to work on, and a self-employment review after that. Wow, I actually have something to report!

Plus I sold a book on Eb*y today and it's already posted. Yay!

Right, while I've got some time I'd better get on with my own thing,

wishus

Ugh, need to stop guilty procrastination.

On Tuesdays once a fortnight, I go to the eco-shop. But today the weather is awful. Yes, it's free bread, cheap fruit and veg, but it's a long walk. Plus, my shopping budget is now low. Yes, it could make it stretch further, but I have no immediate need. No need for a few days in fact.

What I do need to do is: 
1) The work I have that will actually earn me more money.
2) Requests for more work.
3) Proper exercise (I have PAID for the gym after all)
4) Other practical steps, like turning the remaining plums into muffins before they get too soft; putting more things on Ebygum.
5) My coursework

The fridge and freezer are now full, so I should remind myself that you cannot save by spending.

My tum tum would indicate that I'm not starving, but I am missing the gym. 

Already done today:
Some emails I needed to send have been done. A few more to go!
I've filled in a form I needed to do - tick!

I think as the weather is horrible and my brain is antsy, instead of the gym, I will treat myself to a meditation on Fitbit. I'll eat my lunch. I will do the rest of my emails. I will make some adjustments to my current project. I will do one unit of my coursework. Any time left before 5, I will read. Time to stop punishing myself.

wishus

That last post was so positive and I can say I did achieve a lot of those things. The coursework, the work... Even the muffins! The muffins were delicious.

I have been riddled with anxiety and only yesterday managed to summon enough courage to go to the gym. 

The big thing for me is earning. I have been very busy, hustling, interviewing, and actually finding and doing work, but so much of what I have achieved is in pipeline and I won't earn from it for a while. So, my earnings this month were only £200, but because of previous months I didn't even get JSA top up. I'm told I will next time. And hopefully some more earnings will start coming through. 

It has been really hard to go from being the breadwinner to relying on my husband, and to some extent future me. I do have faith, but I also have my weaknesses and feel so much guilt. 

I also sign up to loads of freebies - from university lectures in my field ( I really enjoyed those!) to vocational and business courses.

What has really helped for my mental health is a little app called Finch. It's like a tamagotchi, virtual pet thing, and quite childish, but the more self care steps you do, the more you can dress up your pet, add things to its bedroom and get little micro pets for it. It's cute! Plus it made me realise I might not be doing the basics. Shuffling around answering emails in my dressing gown doesn't make me feel like I'm doing professional work. Plus it told me to declutter my desk and omg, I really needed to!

So, it's October. We start the month with a funeral and I think of Autumn Leaves by Millais. It's an aesthetic painting, open to interpretation, so I tend to see the children together, playing, sharing memories that are the gathered leaves, and making something of them. Reminded of mortality, we can never be innocent, well ignorant. But we're still children. My friend was brilliant and it's going to be hard to not think of him as someone to include in things, but today we have memories to gather and share. 

in_need_of_direction

Yesterday I got myself up, showered and properly dressed apart from staying in slippers. It was a broadly constructive day and I was reminded of fly lady’s dictat about getting dressed to shoes.  As I am self employed, I have decided that this needs to be the way forward unless I am consciously not working on a day.  I’m hoping that conscious non working days will also halt the drift of work thoughts and guilt into every day.
best of luck, you identified this light bulb some 7 years ahead of me.