Medium term car hire

Andiamoops

Hi,

TLDR: Looking for most economical way to hire a large car for around 6 months

I'm an adoptive mother of a 6 year old with severe and complex needs. Traveling in our little car is becoming increasingly dangerous as he's getting big enough to hurt his 12 year old brother in the little car we have, I've been waiting expectantly for his DLA to be increased since November, as he should qualify for the higher rate so I can get a bigger motability car and replace his car seat with the inescapable £1000 one he has been assessed for. Our team of social workers and therapists agree he should qualify and I've applied for a mandatory reconsideration, but am told this will take on average of a further 25 weeks (on top of the 34 we've already been waiting). I don't think this is safe, so I'm looking for a way to bridge the gap.

I had to give up work a couple of years ago because his needs are so significant, but because our family gets adoption allowance as well as DLA, etc, we're not struggling financially (although living simply) and I could spare about £200 a month. I also have about £4000 in savings and could sell my current car for about 2k, but I'm not looking for anything glamorous, just a car with either huge leg room in the back or ideally 7 seats (we can't take a passenger at the moment as no one can safely sit with him) and that is reliable. I don't think I could buy for that but maybe hire? Obviously I'd rather not spend all my savings if I don't have to. I can probably apply for a grant to cover the car seat.

Thanks for any advice.

Arunmor

I would put the 12 year old in the front passenger seat, perhaps with a booster seat if he is is on the smaller side. ie under 135cm.

tacpot12

I think you might be better off buying a bigger car with the intention of selling it when the motability car is available to you. You probably won't lose very much on it. Perhaps £1000 max if you keep up with the servicing. 

Ford Galaxys seem to be good value. You can get one that it is low mileage and around 10 years old for £5,000. There will always be a market for them because some people, like you really need more than 5 seats. Putting the 12 year old in the front passenger seat is also an option - if that makes 5 seat car viable, have a look at Skoda Superbs.

Herzlos

It's definitely worth looking at buying if you can. Remember that if you qualify for a Motability car, it comes out of the DLA allowance so it may not be worth taking their car unless you're paying a lot for insurance or expecting carers to use the car.

You can get 5-6 year old Vauxhall Combo Lifes pretty cheap now and they are pretty cavernous. Or if you need even more space the Vivaro Life is huge inside. 

WellKnownSid

We have both a small car and a seven seater.

In the 7 seater the safest configuration is our 6 y/o immediately behind the passenger seat and our 8 y/o in the very back on the driver's side.  You can get clips from Amazon that make it harder for the child to unclip the seat belt - they help to avoid unexpected shenanigans whilst driving because it slows them down.

Travel in the small car is only possible when we're four up with our 8 y/o in the passenger seat and 6 y/o immediately behind and the other adult sat in the middle seat right next to them.  Regulation through proximity.

What de-escalation training have you had?  Have you watched the work by Sarah Naish - she has lots of YouTube videos.  Are you a member of Adoption UK?

Do you have any kind of diagnosis yet i.e. ND vs trauma?  Although the professionals will tell you that management can be broadly similar, as a parent having the framing that X is down to autism and Y is down to attachment disorder and Z Is down to trauma and neglect can be helpful, especially when you are attempting a therapeutic conversation.

After two years of training, psychotherapy, counselling (for us) and lots more we now have a much better understanding of the triggers, zones of regulation - and strategies to help.  We have unlearnt behavioural parenting which you will have become an expert in with your 12 y/o.  Occasionally, very occasionally, we will have a car journey without an incident, which is all you can hope for at this stage.

Remember, all behaviour is communication - that can be a hard one to swallow in the moment when your 6 y/o child is trying hard to strangle you whilst driving saying that they 'want you to die' but remember this is about unmet needs and their inability to cue those needs.  They don't actually want to kill you at their age and stage - this is just a way of saying "Mum, I'm finding this journey fxxxxxg hard right now, it's reminding me of the time when my first mum abandoned me in my cot, you don't seem to be listening to me right now, do you think you could do something about helping me with these big feelings?"

Some ideas:

• Visual timetable before leaving the house describing the journey, even if it's one you do every day
• Fiddle toys (soft!!!) to keep hands busy
• Keep a diary of every journey.  You'll soon start to see a pattern of triggers
• Therapeutic parenting / PACE.  Sarah Naish is a good starting point but your LA should run courses
• Any therapies to help regulation

ontheroad1970

WellKnownSid said:

We have both a small car and a seven seater.

In the 7 seater the safest configuration is our 6 y/o immediately behind the passenger seat and our 8 y/o in the very back on the driver's side.  You can get clips from Amazon that make it harder for the child to unclip the seat belt - they help to avoid unexpected shenanigans whilst driving because it slows them down.

Travel in the small car is only possible when we're four up with our 8 y/o in the passenger seat and 6 y/o immediately behind and the other adult sat in the middle seat right next to them.  Regulation through proximity.

What de-escalation training have you had?  Have you watched the work by Sarah Naish - she has lots of YouTube videos.  Are you a member of Adoption UK?

Do you have any kind of diagnosis yet i.e. ND vs trauma?  Although the professionals will tell you that management can be broadly similar, as a parent having the framing that X is down to autism and Y is down to attachment disorder and Z Is down to trauma and neglect can be helpful, especially when you are attempting a therapeutic conversation.

After two years of training, psychotherapy, counselling (for us) and lots more we now have a much better understanding of the triggers, zones of regulation - and strategies to help.  We have unlearnt behavioural parenting which you will have become an expert in with your 12 y/o.  Occasionally, very occasionally, we will have a car journey without an incident, which is all you can hope for at this stage.

Remember, all behaviour is communication - that can be a hard one to swallow in the moment when your 6 y/o child is trying hard to strangle you whilst driving saying that they 'want you to die' but remember this is about unmet needs and their inability to cue those needs.  They don't actually want to kill you at their age and stage - this is just a way of saying "Mum, I'm finding this journey fxxxxxg hard right now, it's reminding me of the time when my first mum abandoned me in my cot, you don't seem to be listening to me right now, do you think you could do something about helping me with these big feelings?"

Some ideas:

• Visual timetable before leaving the house describing the journey, even if it's one you do every day
• Fiddle toys (soft!!!) to keep hands busy
• Keep a diary of every journey.  You'll soon start to see a pattern of triggers
• Therapeutic parenting / PACE.  Sarah Naish is a good starting point but your LA should run courses
• Any therapies to help regulation

I second the suggestion of Sarah Naish.  We have adopted two boys from a heroin addicted birth mother and have much of the possible disorders ahead of us, though there are plenty of sensory clues ( one is nearly 6 the other 18 months.  Car journeys for us so far are generally easy.  It's just avoiding the temptation to allow frustrations to show too much when the older one point blank refuses to get dressed for school and you have to calmly but firmly get him dressed, and keep reassuring him that he will never not be loved even if sometimes we don't enjoy his tantrums.