Falling at the final hurdle

FinancialJedi

So, I am a little bit late to this ….

I am quite away through my debt journey. Probably about 20 years - that have nearly broken me - but have been better the last 4 years or so.

Partly due to not being a single mum, my children having their own income, my salary having increased a bit and going into and coming out the other side of the IVA. 

My parents were never good at managing money. Our bills were never paid on time (phones got cut off etc) despite there being enough money to pay it. And I am slowly trying to unlearn all of that. 

I have some debt, and it’s manageable
but all of the reasons I got into debt - largely trying to keep afloat but also trying to keep myself sane and out of misery with dopamine from buying myself things, are no longer needed, or I get them in other ways. My dad had bipolar / NPD and fixed things with us by spending money on us. So also trying to unlearn that. 

I’m older and I appreciate different things, I’m not as stressed and also can afford to buy a new top, or book (never anything too expensive) if I fancy it so the thrill of it just isn’t there anymore. I’m determined to save a deposit for a house and do a bit more travelling and that’s definitely 2026. 

But for the remainder of 2025, I have £2958.44 in debt to pay down. I’m paying £587 a month towards it so I should be clear of it by December. 

My problem is this … I get to a place where my credit is ok ish and then I end up taking out a new loan to consolidate (and I’ll be honest, a little buzz) but I’m finding the buzz of paying something off is a close second so I am trying to focus on that. I used to have hundreds of missed payments on my credit file and so far for 2025, I have none. That also gives me a thrill. 

But the spectre of messing it all up at the last minute and buying something massive on credit or consolidating is looming, and I desperately want to be debt free by the end of 2025.

Any tips particularly around the buzz of spending, thrill of being accepted for credit and unlearning parental money management would be greatly appreciated. Or just a bit of a cheer along. 

BridgetTheCat

Well done for getting this far!

 I haven’t quite been in your position but financially speaking what gives me a buzz/thrill is:
1. Saving up for things, and 
2. Earning interest on my savings 

Right now I’m saving up to pay off my mortgage sometime in the next 5 years (which would be 7 years early). I love watching my little pot grow every month, and it’s even more satisfying that monthly around £160 of that is free money.

I do the same with holidays - a dedicated savings account that I pay an amount into every month. Then when it reaches a decent amount that’s my holiday budget. 

Good luck and stay strong!

powerspowers

Congratulations you are doing so well, it’s a hard slog!
I second the suggestion around savings, i definitely get a hit off seeing my balance creep up and getting interest! Maybe took part in one of the challenges til Christmas and then make a plan of what you’d like to save for next year? You don’t have to save a lot this year as you’re still paying off the debt but it will start rewiring your brain 

Ordinary_Yet_Unique

powerspowers said:

Congratulations you are doing so well, it’s a hard slog!
I second the suggestion around savings, i definitely get a hit off seeing my balance creep up and getting interest! Maybe took part in one of the challenges til Christmas and then make a plan of what you’d like to save for next year? You don’t have to save a lot this year as you’re still paying off the debt but it will start rewiring your brain 

I agree, having savings and interest paid to paid is much more pleasurable than having to check debt figures and pay interest to other people!

Move forward with a positive outlook .

honeybee1234

Think about that feeling of starting next January debt free, beholden to no one and how good that will feel each and every month. Knowing your money is all yours. 

I believe fighting the fight of wanting to buy something big on credit because of the dopamine rush is practice. Like learning a new skill. Each and every time you have that thought, tell yourself you're going to think like a person who handles their finances well. Maybe have in mind someone in your life who's good with money and think would they make this decision? Then also consider your long-term goals alongside the feeling in that moment and ask yourself if making that decision will get you closer to your goals?

It's a constant conversation at first, but it does become easier as time goes on. Keep being mindful in the moment and you'll be reinforcing the new way you want to do things. 

FinancialJedi

Thank you for all the lovely comments and support. 

I’ve been feeling a bit demotivated today - I did something for myself today - a small tattoo - saved the cash up and I am really pleased with it. Then my mum saw it (I’m 46) and was making comments about me mutilating my body. I felt so gutted. But I resisted the urge to buy something to make myself feel better, and eat so quite proud of myself xx

BridgetTheCat

Well done for staying strong. We all deserve a little treat now and again, and if tattoos are what floats your boat, why not?

It occurs to me that given what you’ve said about your history, you might not have much experience with saving strategies? If I’m wrong please forgive me and ignore the following.

You said in your OP that you’re putting £587 towards your debt every month, and it should be paid off by the end of the year. That’s fantastic! And it means come January you’ll have £587 a month to put towards your savings goals.

You identified 2 savings goals:
1. Saving for a house deposit 
2. Having money to travel 

The way I would handle that new ‘extra’ money would be to never have it in my general spending current account. I’d have 2 savings accounts, one with a good interest rate and limited withdrawals, and the other with instant access. I’d have automatic payments set up for the day after payday each month putting £500 into the limited access account (house deposit) and £87 into the instant access (travel money).

Obviously you could vary the amounts to suit your needs, and you might decide you want a little extra spending money each month so you don’t need to save the whole £587, but the principle still applies.

Good luck! 😀

FinancialJedi

Thank you so much. I actually don’t manage to save anything even when I try. I will happily transfer money to savings and I feel good about it but then something will happen, I’ll panic and end up moving it back across to my current account and it gets swallowed up in life. I don’t really know what happens in my brain for that to happen. It’s really frustrating. I have a plum account and was doing ok but then ended up withdrawing it all 

FinancialJedi

I was thinking that my solution to this would be to put my husband in charge of the savings so I can’t actually access it. I trust him 100% but I feel like I’m copping out by doing that. But I’m thinking that if I do that initially until I get a bit saved up, and then I might feel more motivated about it and take some responsibility back over for it. 

Ordinary_Yet_Unique

@BridgetTheCat makes a great suggestion about a limited withdrawal savings account. There are also things like one year fixed savings bonds. Of course ensure your emergency fund is topped up and available. Giving your husband responsibility for your savings may be ok as a stop gap measure, but it doesn’t really help you in the long term to improve your relationship with money.

BridgetTheCat

FinancialJedi said:

I was thinking that my solution to this would be to put my husband in charge of the savings so I can’t actually access it. I trust him 100% but I feel like I’m copping out by doing that. But I’m thinking that if I do that initially until I get a bit saved up, and then I might feel more motivated about it and take some responsibility back over for it. 

That might work especially for something like a house deposit which presumably you’d both be contributing towards anyway. Assuming you do trust him and he’s good with savings. But you could also practice for yourself with a smaller amount and a less important or shorter term goal. As someone said above it’s about rewiring your brain.