Getting married with different assets

skyela

Hello,

I'm engaged to be married, pregnant, very happy but I have been married and divorced before so I have a negative or more realistic view of marriage. 

I own a house with approx 200k equity in it. He has maybe 20k in savings, no property. 

He has been living with me for nearly 3 years and we have been splitting the costs of the house in half, the total bills including the mortgage.

If we both came to the table with similar assets, I don't think I would think twice but I'm worried about if he would be entitled to half if things go wrong? And I would have to sell the house. 

Any advice? 

Thanks so much! 

Emmia

skyela said:

Hello,

I'm engaged to be married, pregnant, very happy but I have been married and divorced before so I have a negative or more realistic view of marriage. 

I own a house with approx 200k equity in it. He has maybe 20k in savings, no property. 

He has been living with me for nearly 3 years and we have been splitting the costs of the house in half, the total bills including the mortgage.

If we both came to the table with similar assets, I don't think I would think twice but I'm worried about if he would be entitled to half if things go wrong? And I would have to sell the house. 

Any advice? 

Thanks so much! 

He's been paying towards the mortgage for 3 years... The guy already has equity in your house. If you wanted to protect your assets, he should have saved the money he spent on rent, only split the bills and you pay all of the mortgage. Currently, he could (if you split pre marriage) seek to formalise the equity, and you'd need to pay him back - do you have the cash to do this?

If you divorce your assets (collectively) would be taken into account, pensions, property, savings - and the costs of childcare (I'm assuming the baby is his) would be factored in.

You could look at a pre nup, but he would need separate legal advice on it, and they're not binding (more guidance) in the UK.

Edit: You're pregnant, so presumably you're committed... But do you actually want to marry?

DullGreyGuy

skyela said:

I'm engaged to be married, pregnant, very happy but I have been married and divorced before so I have a negative or more realistic view of marriage. 

I own a house with approx 200k equity in it. He has maybe 20k in savings, no property. 

He has been living with me for nearly 3 years and we have been splitting the costs of the house in half, the total bills including the mortgage.

If we both came to the table with similar assets, I don't think I would think twice but I'm worried about if he would be entitled to half if things go wrong? And I would have to sell the house. 

Any advice? 

The default position is that it's a 50/50 split on divorce unless the parties agree to something else. Arguing it shouldn't be 50/50 is very difficult unless it's a very short marriage and would be more about arguing he was a layabout bum and wasnt contributing. Its not just about earning though as housewives/husbands are considered to have contributed through the maintenance of the home, childcare etc which all contributed to the family even if its not cash. 

Prenups, which would be the US solution, dont have good legal standing in the UK

skyela

Thanks for the advice. 

Yeah, I understand he would be entitled to what he has paid in the last 3 years back. I'm just wondering about the 11 years of mortgage I have paid before I met him and obviously my initial deposit. 

So if say we got divorced in 2 years, hypothetically, he would be entitled to maybe half the equity (100k each) maybe less any savings he has. 

I've heard prenups are not legally enforced in the UK?

I mean we are happy and have no intention of breaking up, but I just feel we are coming together with unequal assets although I realise this must happen all of the time. 

I'm so confused with what to do! 

sk2402005

I dont think there is anything you can do to to protect your equity other than not getting married.

If i were you just get on with your life end enjoy your marriage - your not rushhing things as you have already been together a good length of time.

As soon as your married its 50/50

DullGreyGuy

skyela said:

Yeah, I understand he would be entitled to what he has paid in the last 3 years back. 

They're not entitled to a refund but a proportion of the property as its effectively an investment and hopefully, though no necessarily, the property has appreciated in that time.

skyela said:

So if say we got divorced in 2 years, hypothetically, he would be entitled to maybe half the equity (100k each) maybe less any savings he has. 

I've heard prenups are not legally enforced in the UK?

I mean we are happy and have no intention of breaking up, but I just feel we are coming together with unequal assets although I realise this must happen all of the time. 

I'm so confused with what to do! 

You can read the legal status of prenups https://lordslibrary.parliament.uk/law-relating-to-prenuptial-agreements/ 

It's ultimately down to the court to decide if they are binding or not and the above outlines what the judge should consider if they are going to stick to them. 

2 years is more borderline on if the judge would consider what you both brought into the relationship, though thats 3 years plus 2 years. If the marriage was to last say 5 years (so 8 year relationship) then its much less likely that the starting position would be considered.

To ask a more fundamental question, why are you getting married? Your status quo gives your partner a proportion equivalent to their contribution which you seem to agree with as being fair. Why get married and have that become 50/50 on divorce if you are happy with the current situation and dont want that? 

Emmia

Perhaps OP you should delay the marriage if you have these doubts. I think this is the type of issue that can niggle and eat away at you - I sense that you don't want to share 50/50 and that will affect your relationship and marriage if you go down that road. 

Hopefully wedding plans aren't too far advanced.

Savvy_Sue

it starts with a 50/50 assumption, but everything gets thrown into the mix, and in particular the needs of any children. You might not need to sell the house. If you couldn't agree on a financial agreement and went to court so that a judge had to decide on the split, that becomes more likely. 

I can understand your caution, but going into marriage thinking about what might happen if you divorce may not be the best idea. 

Have you talked about this with your fiance?

MEM62

skyela said:

Thanks for the advice. 

Yeah, I understand he would be entitled to what he has paid in the last 3 years back. I'm just wondering about the 11 years of mortgage I have paid before I met him and obviously my initial deposit. 

So if say we got divorced in 2 years, hypothetically, he would be entitled to maybe half the equity (100k each) maybe less any savings he has. 

I've heard prenups are not legally enforced in the UK?

I mean we are happy and have no intention of breaking up, but I just feel we are coming together with unequal assets although I realise this must happen all of the time. 

I'm so confused with what to do! 

If this is where your head space is then perhaps you are not in the right frame of mind for marriage.  There is no harm in carrying on as you are.  As others have mentioned he would already be able to argue that he has a beneficial interest in the house but it will be far less than a 50/50- split.  

Cobbler_tone

Whilst pre-nups may not carry full legal standing, they tend to be considered by any court should it be needed. If they wasn't worth it then they wouldn't have grown massively in popularity. Especially if it is clearly detailed what each brings to the party. e.g. if one party moved into the other parties £5m gaff and then they split up after a couple of years, the first party is unlikely to get near half of the property. Rightly too and I can't think of a context where that would be fair.
What courts won't do in any instance (pre-nup or not) is leave one of the parties totally destitute at the expense of the other.

Exodi

 You mention you were previously married - which side of the coin were you then? The winner or the loser? Of course everyone loses in divorce but let's say some appear to lose more than others.

You recognise this happens all the time (but typically the other way round) and I can vouch that I earn and brought a significant amount more into my relationship than my partner (who was actually in debt when we met).

At first we split everything 50/50, the rationale being that we both use things relatively equally, we split things equally. While objectively fair, it does mean that the lower earner is left with less discretionary spending.

Then I suggested to change the split in line with our income, meaning if I earn double what she does, I would pay twice as much towards the bills. This meant we had the same % spare, but having higher income means a personal amount spare.

I then suggested to change the split one final time, where all of our money is pooled together, and we are provided the same discretionary amount from the joint account, equality of outcome if you will.

It doesn't bother me one iota that I technically pay a lot more for the WiFi or water or what have you, my sole motivation is to look after her (and now by extension, our child).

I had a similar mindset with marriage.

I have to ask (and I hope it doesn't come across as rude as that is not the intention), why do you want to get married? Some would say making a lifelong commitment to share everything is one of the tenets of marriage. Hopefully it's not for the wrong reasons of doing it just because it's 'the next step' with a child or to keep up appearances.