Marriage Turmoil - Want To Change My WIll

madbadrob

Wow everyone saying he cant say that his wife cant move a partner into the house.  If the house is held as TIC then he can make such clause in his will ion lines with that should the widow remarry then he asks his executors to sell his share of the house.  TIC allows for a forced sale if one half of the ownership wants to release the capital in the house.  Whether its moral to do so is another matter.  The op needs to clarify how they own the home because if it is jointly owned then he cant stipulate anything as the house becomes 100 percent hers on his death.

I am no expert in trusts so i cant comment on that side of it.

Rob

Sallycinnamon77

I don't post very often, if at all, I sit in the background and read. 

I understand that you are completely betrayed and hurt.  Affairs don't just happen for no reason at all, and we have only heard from your side of the story, do you know why your wife had the affair? I ask because I have been the one to have an affair, and it honestly doesn't happen for no reason, there has to be something fundamentally wrong in a relationship to begin with.  I was really unhappy in a situation that was out of our control, I tried to ask for help and support and was unheard. 

This is not meant as a criticism, but from an outsiders perspective, from your post you appear controlling, and want to control your wife's life from beyond the grave.  I also have concerns for your mental health, you are talking as though you are making plans to not be here.  Have you sought support?  Affairs are awful, and trust me, they aren't always great for the person having the affair.  But relationships can be repaired after an affair, in fact they can be better.   

andyslowrider

Sallycinnamon77 said:

I don't post very often, if at all, I sit in the background and read. 

I understand that you are completely betrayed and hurt.  Affairs don't just happen for no reason at all, and we have only heard from your side of the story, do you know why your wife had the affair? I ask because I have been the one to have an affair, and it honestly doesn't happen for no reason, there has to be something fundamentally wrong in a relationship to begin with.  I was really unhappy in a situation that was out of our control, I tried to ask for help and support and was unheard. 

This is not meant as a criticism, but from an outsiders perspective, from your post you appear controlling, and want to control your wife's life from beyond the grave.  I also have concerns for your mental health, you are talking as though you are making plans to not be here.  Have you sought support?  Affairs are awful, and trust me, they aren't always great for the person having the affair.  But relationships can be repaired after an affair, in fact they can be better.   

Thanks for your response. 

The reasons for my wife's affair have been discussed and both she and I share the responsibility for it, but we me being more to blame than her. We are working hard to rectify those problems and make our relationship stronger than before.

My post was written with more than a little anger so perhaps is not an accurate representation of my feelings. 

I have no desire to control my wife, either now or from beyond the grave. I think she would agree that I'm laid-back and far from controlling. I have worked hard to earn what will eventually become my estate and while I am happy for my wife to enjoy her share of it when the time comes, I do not like the idea of my it subsidising the lifestyle of another man (or woman), particularly if it in any way dilutes or decreases my childrens' inheritance.

As for my mental health, I am happy with my state of mind and have no plans to hasten my departure. Isn't all drawing of wills and inheritance planning about 'making plans not to be here'? 

Spendless

madbadrob said:

Wow everyone saying he cant say that his wife cant move a partner into the house.  If the house is held as TIC then he can make such clause in his will ion lines with that should the widow remarry then he asks his executors to sell his share of the house.  TIC allows for a forced sale if one half of the ownership wants to release the capital in the house.  Whether its moral to do so is another matter.  The op needs to clarify how they own the home because if it is jointly owned then he cant stipulate anything as the house becomes 100 percent hers on his death.

I am no expert in trusts so i cant comment on that side of it.

Rob

You're talking remarriage though. What about this (from original post)? 

5. If my widow gets a new partner, ideally I would like my children to have the power to veto him or her moving into the current home and therefore force a sale of the property. If my children cannot have this veto power and my widow's new partner moves into the current property (with 'moving-in' to be defined as staying overnight, on average, x many times in a rolling x week period) my wife and her partner must either buy-out, at market value, my children's share of the property or pay rent, at market value, on the 40% of the property that my children own, with this rental income being split equally between my two children. 
  

swingaloo

Lets assume that you get your marriage back on track. You have a few more years together and then sadly your wife passes away.

After a period of grieving you meet another lady and some time later you decide you want to marry. One of your children dislikes your choice of new partner, stamps her feet whenever she wants to stay over and says she doesnt want them in the house at all. 

Will that be acceptable to you?

What you are suggesting is leaving your wife in a position where if you were to die she would find it very difficult to move on, her home would be at risk and she would be at the mercy of her own children's whims. She would not be able to move on either emotionally or financially. That sound like control to me and very much like punishing your wife.

madbadrob

Spendless said:

madbadrob said:

Wow everyone saying he cant say that his wife cant move a partner into the house.  If the house is held as TIC then he can make such clause in his will ion lines with that should the widow remarry then he asks his executors to sell his share of the house.  TIC allows for a forced sale if one half of the ownership wants to release the capital in the house.  Whether its moral to do so is another matter.  The op needs to clarify how they own the home because if it is jointly owned then he cant stipulate anything as the house becomes 100 percent hers on his death.

I am no expert in trusts so i cant comment on that side of it.

Rob

You're talking remarriage though. What about this (from original post)? 

5. If my widow gets a new partner, ideally I would like my children to have the power to veto him or her moving into the current home and therefore force a sale of the property. If my children cannot have this veto power and my widow's new partner moves into the current property (with 'moving-in' to be defined as staying overnight, on average, x many times in a rolling x week period) my wife and her partner must either buy-out, at market value, my children's share of the property or pay rent, at market value, on the 40% of the property that my children own, with this rental income being split equally between my two children. 
  

I was indeed because living together can be considered open.  With a marriage if the wife was to die having left no will the husband would get the house and thus the children nothing.  If they are not married the partner would get nothing so I cant see anything within the probate side of affairs where anything can be imposed.  Even if she moved a guy in she could argue that he is just a lodger to get around any clause that could be put into a willl.  Proving it is more is very difficult.  

Therefore under the deed of trust he has some comfort in so much as he could designate where his 40% share goes. No matter whether the wife remarries, moves in another partner or any other scenario that could be imagined his children or whomever he names in his will would get that share.  

Rob