Here's to the Fools Who Dream

scrooge2008

To be honest, It’s not really about the £17,000, the card is 0%,   I’ve spent most of my life feeling responsible for everyone around me, and I’m learning to stop doing that. This is part of rebuilding from a different place.

BrimfulofSascha

Hi Scrooge,

Some of your posts, and the AI run downs really resonate with me. They actually feel a bit emotional. Like it was a view into my future if I don't find the language of No.

I too feel like I have to take responsibility for everyone's emotional needs and have even put myself in debt helping others out. I became a single mum young and it has resulted in an entire adult life relying only on myself and debt. I'm almost scared to see what a world without debt looks like. A world without boom and bust a teetering on the precipice of burnout.

Here with a warm mug of tea and support.

Sascha

scrooge2008

Thanks Saascha, that was a really kind and thoughful post, I so appreciated you sharing parts of your own journey that resonated and it looks like you are making real inroads into your debt too, well done. 

Well this month has been incredibly tough. DS company, has recently been taken over and the new management are ruthlessly cutting costs, to the extent that they put many lives at risk on a recent job that DS was on. The disconnect with what he was supposed to be doing from a health and safety point of view and the reality of what was asked, or he would lose his job, triggered a series of events that ended up with him being signed off from work for three months with an acute stress attack, due to work place stress (neuro-diverse APD). 

On writing a background report/starting with my pregnancy, for DS doctor, I found myself re-living a host of traumatic events and really felt like just running away to a remote corner of the Outer Hebrides. It was like all the progress that DS had made to integrate into society and achieve a level of happiness and stability had floated off down the river and I was in danger of being sucked down by the current. 

I allowed myself to process the grief and now I am navigating supporting DS without losing myself and DH has agreed to anchor me too, now, whereas, he has largely been unable to cope with this aspect of DS. The new debt plan has been a God send as I do not feel pressured by it. I am able to pay off £1,119.18 of the debt easily, leaving £14,553,27. DH has taken over the running of the properties and self assessment and I was able to transfer £300.00 for tax and £300.00 for maintenance, in addition to the normal amount I give him each month. The business made a profit again this month, so the tide has turned there and I am loving my art class. Let us see what November will bring.

scrooge2008

Chat GPT response:-

Alright. Here’s what stands out beneath the surface lines:

• Residual overfunctioning: even with DH taking more on, your update still reads like you’re quietly keeping the emotional, financial, and logistical plates spinning. The tone of responsibility hasn’t softened yet — just spread thinner.

• Trauma echo: revisiting DS’s history reopened deep memory channels. You’ve processed some grief, but the way you describe being “sucked down by the current” hints that part of you still expects crisis to return. That hyper-vigilant part might need rest as much as your body does.

• Debt and safety: the relief around the new plan is genuine, yet there’s still a subtle attachment to proving control — you quantify every movement of money. That can signal a nervous system still trying to rebuild trust in abundance.

• Partnership: DH anchoring you is progress, though there’s a note of cautious hope — as if you’re waiting to see if he’ll stay anchored this time.

• Identity drift: art class comes in almost as a whisper — your “self” voice surfacing at the end of a long list of duty. It’s small but bright.

Overall: you’ve regained functional stability, but the deeper recalibration — from crisis-response to creative flow — hasn’t fully landed yet. You’re standing, but still braced.

scrooge2008

So what would help in November:-

You’ve already done the heavy lifting — November doesn’t need to be heroic. Think of it as a month of integration. Fewer swings, more roots. Here’s a possible shape:

1. Core rhythm (body first)

• Keep mornings simple: hydration, gentle movement, one grounding action before screens.

• Prioritise sleep hygiene — that’s the repair shop for trauma and nervous energy.

• Add one pleasurable sensory ritual (music, scent, texture) to remind your body it’s safe again.

2. DS boundary-care

• Support without absorbing: set fixed check-in times so you’re not on emotional call 24/7.

• Encourage him to own his recovery plan and communications with GP/work. You remain consultant, not manager.

• If his stress flares, respond with containment, not urgency. That re-teaches your body the world won’t collapse.

3. Money and business

• Maintain current repayment rate — don’t accelerate it yet. Let the new stability harden.

• Have DH send you a short monthly summary so you see progress without micromanaging.

• Schedule one hour mid-month to review: profit, maintenance, tax, cash-flow. No daily mental tallying.

4. Creative current

• Keep the art class sacred. Add one solo session a week, even 30 minutes.

• Choose one small piece to finish by month’s end — completion equals momentum.

5. Quiet nourishment

• Create space each Sunday for stillness — no planning, no fixing, just presence.

• Reconnect gently with community or faith spaces that feed you, not drain you.

In essence: November = re-patterning. Hold steady, feed what restores, observe what depletes.
If I asked you to name the single non-negotiable that would make the month feel lived-well, what would it be?

That I do not drown in DS's current, I stand steady on the shore.  He realises that there is a lifebuoy around him that comes from his core and he sees that I believe in him.

I stand steady on the shore.
His current is his to know.
My faith floats beside him,
but my feet belong to earth.
We are both held by the same sea. 

Amen.

scrooge2008

OK so this is the mid-month review.  I don't think the month has got any easier, I was down at my dad's for a time as we thought we were losing him to a very nasty flu bug, but he has rallied, so is likely to make it through the winter now.  He is 88 and this is a pattern that happens yearly. 

It was lovely though spending time with him and my amazing sisters and step mother.   I have just reviewed my money and having done a bit of lucrative consultancy work, the new repayment plan is easily manageable and I am putting a bit away for a 5 day trip for my 60th birthday with my sisters in March, with an art and nature theme. 

DS is proving remarkably good at pulling together a plan to get a settlement out of his company, I am amazed at the quality and accuracy of his report and I think if it went to a tribunal he would get a substantial payout, he is certainly learning a lot from the experience and is in good spirits.  I have been a consultant to him and not a manager and that has really helped. 

I am now focusing on my health and eating.  I have very sore arthritic ankles, but I find that swimming 4 or 5 times a week makes this manageble and I have been prioritising my own physical well being as a foundation for the future and swimming most days.  On a less positive note, I was at the dentist yesterday.  He said my teeth were excellent, very clean and strong, except one, which had become loose and has moved.  It has an infection under it and will need root canal and orthodontics or removal and an implant.  The likely cost will be around £3000.00 either way.  I would ordinarily have gone into melt down over this but have seen the good points.  I can still walk and after this my teeth will be in very good shape and my health is now firmly a priority; the emergency fund is growing, but will not cover £3000.00, I will find a way.

I have been really enjoying my art too.  I am doing a large acrylic painting of a humming bird, drinking nectar from white honey suckle in the early morning sun.  It is bringing me a lot of joy.  Overall I seem to be avoiding a return to burn out.

I will see what Chat thinks of this and then make a few plans for the rest of the month.

scrooge2008

AI comment:

It reads like a life mid-rebalanced — still hard work, but warmer in tone than a few months back. The thread of responsibility is strong, but this time it’s threaded through real self-care and beauty.

What’s striking: every line that could have been a crisis — your dad, your son’s dispute, the dentist — you’ve met with perspective rather than panic. That’s new muscle. You’re also letting delight back in: swimming, painting, the trip. The hummingbird image fits perfectly — wings moving fast, but drinking sweetness, not fighting the air.

If you want to plan the rest of the month, maybe frame it around that: stability, health, and beauty. One task for each, nothing more elaborate. Would you like help sketching those three anchors?

scrooge2008

Here’s a simple, clear frame for the rest of the month — one anchor in each realm.

1. Stability
Keep your financial rhythm steady.

• Maintain the repayment plan exactly as is — no tinkering unless income changes.

• Top up the emergency fund weekly, even small amounts.

• Note the dental cost as “future maintenance,” not a crisis. It’s part of sustaining the vessel.

2. Health
Deepen what’s already working.

• Keep the swimming cadence (4–5 times a week).

• Add one gentle strength or balance exercise for your ankles.

• Continue light, real-food eating — enough to nourish, not over-control.

• Track energy rather than weight; the goal is vitality.

3. Beauty / Joy
Feed your inner hum.

• Finish the hummingbird painting — don’t rush it, but give it time each week.

• Keep one art or nature outing on the calendar (a walk, gallery, or sketch session).

• Start a small visual log of colour or light that catches your eye — it keeps your artist self alert.

Everything else can orbit these.
Three pillars, one intention: to live from replenishment, not reaction.

scrooge2008

My one trip will be a walk with a good friend, around a local beauty spot and a swim together, before the end of the month.