Here's to the Fools Who Dream

vampirotoothus

Hi there, well done on recognising a pattern that isn't good for you and taking action.
With regards to the debt, don't be too hard on yourself, it has still gone down and you are not adding to it, a win in both ways. 
Good luck V x

RedLipstick

Good luck with your journey! Subscribed and will be following and cheering! Stay strong xx

dawnybabes

You don’t have to sacrifice yourself for the debt, you’re managing to pay it down without killing yourself. You’ve a value too and it’s much more than the debt.

scrooge2008

So be it

Well what a difference a week makes ……

Firstly, the boiler goes on one of the properties, no chance of fixing it, 20 years old, so paying  £2600.00 for a new one.

Secondly,  I get a bill for £560.00 for work done on the roof of another property I own, which is part of a block of six flats.  No money in the maintenance fund so that will go on another credit card.

Thirdly, my son announces that he is likely to be made redundant from his job, just before Christmas and is in a state of deep anxiety about it.  He stays at home and contributes a decent amount to the housekeeping, so that will need to be factored in.  DH is guarantor on his car loan, so DH is worried about that.  Subsequently, DH has been going through his own finances, with a fine toothcomb and has announced that our new front door, which shattered recently will need to be replaced on a credit card, under my name and is costing £2,213.17.

So, just like that I had another £5,363.17 of debt and I felt like giving up.  I tried to hold it together, but on Saturday my temperature soared to 39 degrees and I have been sleeping since.  This morning, however, I woke up and read an article about a woman in Gaza, who has lost her husband, has four children, under 14 and all they have to eat, each day, is a bowl of lentils between them and some stale bread, yet she still had a positive attitude, grateful for what she did have and that kind of shook me …..

So I have done a new plan.  I am grateful for my useless accountant because I have learned the skills to do my own accounts.  I completed them for the last tax year, ending 31st August 2025, this morning.  It made for shocking reading, the business lost £26,000.00 in that year, the first loss ever.  I felt so ashamed, then I remembered that all that £26,000.00 had been funded through my personal money and made up a large part of the credit card debt that I was paying down, it could be turned into a Director’s loan, put against business assets and paid back to me and I also realised that HMRC  would give me back last years corporation tax of £1829.00.  I have just been through all my spreadsheets with the accountant, over the phone and he has agreed with the figures.  I have done Septembers accounts and I have made a slight profit, so the tide is turning.

I also remembered that I still had the ability to get a job, that I wanted to do, if I did not lay down and die, so now was not the time to give up.  The tests that I had done have all come back and there is nothing wrong with me, so that is another thing to be grateful for.

My new debt total, as of today is, £15,672.75. I want rid of it by 2nd March 2026, that is £2,612.12 a month.  I then want to build up reserves of £5,000.00 by May.

That will not happen without a new job so I am making that a priority, but it is not going to be any job, it is going to be one that nourishes my soul amen xx.  Then I will organise my art studio amen xx.  

scrooge2008

I  have been training Chat GPT to show me all the flaws in my plans and this is what he thinks of my above post lol 

Here’s the mirror you asked for—no edits, just the sharp bits.

1. The numbers don’t line up

• You wrote: debt £15,672.75 cleared by 2 Mar 2026. From 7 Oct 2025 → 2 Mar 2026 is 146 days (~4.8 months). To clear that in time you’d need about £3,263/month, not £2,612 (that figure is a 6-month pace). The target date and the payment don’t match.

1. You’re acting as the family shock-absorber (again)

• Boiler, block roof, son’s job fear, DH’s guarantor anxiety—and then the front door going on a card in your name. The costs and the liability keep sliding to you personally, even when decisions are joint. Energy out, little back. That breaks your vow about circulation.

1. System, not luck: your properties are aging but the reserves aren’t

• A 20-year boiler dying and a block roof bill aren’t “surprises,” they’re expected lifecycle costs. The maintenance fund being empty means the system is under-provisioned and you’re covering the gap with high-APR plastic. That’s a design problem, not a willpower problem.

1. You’re calling it “shame” instead of “structure”

• The £26k “loss” carries a lot of sting, but most of it was your capital injection (now DLA). The data is trying to tell you about margins and buffers; shame drowns out the message and pushes you into heroics.

1. Two big moves stacked on a fevered body

• Massive payoff sprint and immediate job hunt and studio setup—while your body just spiked to 39°C. Classic pendulum: overwhelm → overcorrect. Rubedo wants heat, but not burnout.

1. “Job that nourishes my soul” is real—and also a useful fog

• Without a few non-negotiable edges (hours, pay floor, commute radius, emotional load), “soul-nourishing” can become a moving target that delays cashflow decisions. Your finances are asking for dates and numbers; your heart is offering vibes. Both matter, but they’re speaking different languages right now.

1. Personal–business bleed is still live

• You’ve tidied some of it (DLA, CT refund), but household costs (front door) and block costs are still landing on your personal credit while the business benefits from you absorbing shocks. That confusion is expensive.

1. The Gaza story opened your heart—then you used it to justify more load

• Compassion stirred your gratitude (beautiful), but I notice how quickly that flips into “I’ll carry more.” There’s a line between humility and self-erasure. You’re toeing it.

1. The May reserves target likely double-counts your capacity

• Clearing debt by early March leaves ~3 months to build £5k (≈ £1,650/month). That assumes the new job is secured, pays promptly, and nothing else breaks. Given your recent pattern, that’s… optimistic.

1. Governance is missing where conflict lives

• Who decides which card the door goes on? Who enforces block contributions so the roof isn’t your problem again? Who sets the “we don’t add new debt while we’re clearing old” rule? You’re running on goodwill where you need governance.

If you want a single knot to untie first: pick one of these and change its shape this week.

• Align the date with the payment (or the payment with the date).

• Or stop being the default card for joint costs (front door is the canary).

• Or fix the reserves mechanism on the properties so you’re not the emergency fund.

Any of those would honour “So be it” without turning it into “so I bear it.”

That is me told.  Will go and rest for a couple of days and then think about what he has said, because there is so much truth in it - there was a reason for the title of this thread.

in_need_of_direction

that's verging on the scary

scrooge2008

Yes, really scary ..... but exactly what I needed to hear, to break some very long standing patterns that make me ill.

I had a long chat with DH and DS last night.  They know that I have been emotionally fragile the last couple of years, so were actually very supportive.   We all realised that catastrophising was using up huge amounts of our energies, and sucking us all into a vortex of negativity which was sapping our ability to see the potential lifeboats and swim to them.

We have resolved to work together to hear the fears, but then move on with one concrete action point.

We can actually pay that whole lot off, as DH has a savings pot of £17,000.00, towards a new car, but his old one still has some mileage in it and DH and I could share my car, if necessary, which is leased through the company and just a year old.  We could also release equity in one of the properties.


We have decided not to do either of these things.  For now, we are looking to pay the debt off over 14 months and put £300.00 a month into a maintenance fund for the properties and £300.00 into a tax account.  We have also agreed that I should keep the care business, the properties and the family/household expenses as three different pots and streams as the bleed through was causing a lot of the confusion and anxiety.

Also I am going to go back to my art class on a Thursday.  It is 3 hours a week, £180.00 for six weeks.  It is set in a studio on a country estate and there is a meadow in front of it that looks over the sea.  I stopped it about 9 months ago, dreaming of my own art studio, after I had paid off all the debt that I had accrued, through my enforced sabbatical.  Amazingly, I was completely blind to the fact that I was about to repeat all the same patterns that had caused me to be ill in the first place.

scrooge2008

Here is Chat GPT's reply ......

That sounds like you’ve stepped out of the loop and finally looked at the pattern from the outside. Not just the numbers—the ecosystem.

You didn’t choose the “quick fix” (cash out DH’s savings or release equity). You chose to stay with the tension and rebuild structure instead of buying relief. That’s the mature move—the one that heals the why, not just the what.

A few reflections, since you asked for blunt honesty:

1. The fear vortex was a family identity.
   For a long time, the shared adrenaline was the thing keeping everyone connected—an odd form of intimacy. You naming it broke that unconscious contract. Expect a little emotional quiet now; it’ll feel strange at first. That silence is actually health.

2. Three pots = three nervous systems.
   You’re not just separating accounts; you’re separating emotional weather.

   • Care business can be pragmatic, not personal.

   • Properties become slow, predictable investments.

   • Household becomes the hearth, not the catch-all for emergencies.
     Each stream having its own boundaries is what protects your body.

3. Art is your regulator, not a luxury.
   That class by the meadow is your oxygen mask. It’s the antidote to the old cycle of “fix everything, then collapse.” You’re re-introducing pleasure as maintenance. That’s not indulgent—it’s what keeps your nervous system capable of holding the new discipline.

4. Watch for the guilt echo.
   When you sit in that studio, a small voice may whisper, “You should be working on debt.” That’s the old contract trying to lure you back. The truth: the art class is part of the debt plan, because it prevents burnout and relapse.

5. The plan works because you’re no longer at war with yourself.
   You can clear £15k in a year or 14 months either way; the real change is that you’re no longer fighting the current. You’re redirecting it.

scrooge2008

Debt Recovery Plan — 7 October 2025 (Full Moon) → 1 January 2027

This 14‑month plan begins on the Full Moon, 7 October 2025, and completes on New Year’s Day 2027. It closes one cycle and opens another, aligning practical repayment with emotional and creative renewal.

Starting Debt: £15,672.75
Duration: 14 months
Debt Payment: £1,119.48 per month
Maintenance Fund: £300 per month
Tax Fund: £300 per month
Total Monthly Outflow: £1,719.48

Month	Period	Debt Payment (£)	Maintenance (£)	Tax (£)	Total Outflow (£)	Remaining Debt (£)
1	7 Oct – 6 Nov 2025 (Full Moon Start)	1,119.48	300	300	1,719.48	14,553.27
2	Nov 2025	1,119.48	300	300	1,719.48	13,433.79
3	Dec 2025	1,119.48	300	300	1,719.48	12,314.31
4	Jan 2026	1,119.48	300	300	1,719.48	11,194.83
5	Feb 2026	1,119.48	300	300	1,719.48	10,075.35
6	Mar 2026	1,119.48	300	300	1,719.48	8,955.87
7	Apr 2026	1,119.48	300	300	1,719.48	7,836.39
8	May 2026	1,119.48	300	300	1,719.48	6,716.91
9	Jun 2026	1,119.48	300	300	1,719.48	5,597.43
10	Jul 2026	1,119.48	300	300	1,719.48	4,477.95
11	Aug 2026	1,119.48	300	300	1,719.48	3,358.47
12	Sep 2026	1,119.48	300	300	1,719.48	2,238.99
13	Oct 2026	1,119.48	300	300	1,719.48	1,119.51
14	Nov 2026	1,119.48	300	300	1,719.48	0.03
15	Dec 2026 – 1 Jan 2027 (Final Payment & Reset)	0	300	300	600	Debt Cleared – Reserves Grow

Summary

By 1 January 2027:
- Debt cleared completely (£0)
- Maintenance fund built: £4,500
- Tax fund built: £4,500
- Total redirected to stability: £9,000

This schedule restores rhythm and confidence. It closes with clear books and renewed balance between financial health and creative vitality.

MFWannabe

If your husband has savings of 17k why are you putting new door on a credit card in your name?