Dealing with financial anxiety

seans_elysees

Can anyone point to any resources or anything for helping mentally to cope with financial anxiety.

I’m probably a bit on the spectrum and very focussed on numbers/finance/debt and can be a bit obsessive about it. It’s not necessarily about greed or an accumulation of wealth for the sake of feeling rich - but I do get anxious about many different aspects of my finances, despite them being in very good health. 

I know I’m good with my finances and decision making, so it’s not about practical decisions. 

Example most recently is that I paid off my mortgage last week. £72k (after receiving a lump sum inheritance of £90k). Paying off the mortgage was right thing to do as at 6.75% it was the highest debt I had. Others are £10k outstanding on loan @ 5% and around £2k on interest free credit cards. 

I would have thought that life milestone would have been a huge feeling of joy and emotional release, but reality is that my focus just immediately shifts to remaining debts and I become obsessive about how quickly I can pay them off. I struggle to reason with myself that they’re still there is because I made a better choice to pay other debts. 

middlingditch

Hello,

Without making it all about me let's just say I 100% understand what you're saying. :-)

Congrats on paying off your mortgage - that's huge, whether you're "feeling it" or not right now. Hopefully instead of a big flood of joy you'll just get regular little pings of reassurance and satisfaction knowing that that's taken care of now. And knowing that you did a great thing for yourself by paying it off. Your future self will be really glad, even if it's in a quiet way! Its like a slow-burning but long-lasting gift you've just given yourself. 

Anyway, I found this book really helpful: 'Money on Your Mind: the Psychology Behind Your Financial Habits' by Vicky Reynal. She's really no-nonsense and gets to the heart of what might be behind various types of money behaviour/feelings. There's also a book called 'The Financial Anxiety Solution: A Step-by-Step Workbook to Stop Worrying about Money, Take Control of Your Finances, and Live a Happier Life' by Lindsay Bryan-Podvin, which I haven't read myself, but I have heard a lot of recommendations about it. So if you're someone who likes to apply your brain to a problem and gather information to solve it (and I bet you are) then maybe reading around the subject like this might help.  

I didn't feel much at all when I finally paid off my £30k debt after decades; I was really disappointed that I didn't. But my satisfied feeling of freedom has just quietly grown ever since. I do still feel somewhat anxious around money but I'm understanding it better, and I'm definitely LESS anxious. Trust yourself to continue to make good choices like you already have, and you'll be just fine. Oh and breathe... :-)  

Brie

Agree completely with @middlingditch - breathing is very important!!!  Seriously a few deep breaths can be quite calming so that might just be one little thing you can try.  

And not trying to make it about me either but - I had some rather stonking debts which I was nibbling away at but they did rather haunt me.  And then I was made redundant and I knew that while I could find a way to cope my OH needed careful handling.  So when I went home to tell him I was ready when he practically shrieked "we're going to lose the house!!"  I pointed out that the redundancy money plus the shares I could now release from the company share save plan plus my pension which I could start to collect would more than clear the mortgage. 

It didn't all work out quite as I planned (3 years later and I'm still sorting the pension for various reasons) but we're ok.  I did have about 6 months of real financial fractiousness despite telling myself the mortgage was clear.  So I became a debt adviser and started talking to other about their problems instead of focusing on mine.  It's a nice diversion.

tacpot12

Paying off your mortgage should have brought you some reassurance. I'm glad you did it. Your house is now yours! But ultimately your financial victories are only joyful if they allow you to do things that bring you joy.

I'm sure you will be happier when you don't have any debts hanging over you, but remember to have fun while acheiving your financial goals. I'm also sure the book suggestions will help. 

seans_elysees

Thank you all for the kind words and the book recommendations. 

I know it’s like ‘first world problems’ that I’m sitting complaining when I’ve paid off a mortgage and in a position many would dream of.  

I also don’t restrict myself much from enjoying the moment. I go on holiday, buy nice things and so on - but I’m constantly battling with myself. That’s the bit I need to get more at peace. 

I shall try the reading resources and also learn to … take a breath.  

kimwp

I think it's mostly about replacing the money worrying thoughts with other, more helpful thoughts and focuses. 

thelibrarian11

Hi, I'm autistic and I hyper focus on money and get upset. I know I don't understand financial norms and always make the wrong decisions no matter how hard I try to figure it out. I have no help from anyone and have to figure things out myself, I'm the breadwinner and pay all the bills. All I think about is how to fix things and feel like I can’t live until I've done the lot, but I think even then I'll be scared of it happening again, and I'll never get the time back I've spent in poverty and will never catch up with my peers. The best I can do is try my best with it and focus on what really matters instead, being a good person, my kids, and living my values.