Cease and desist letter

Smalltownhypocrite

FigaroQueen said:

Going through similar with my neighbour and wondering how to get her to stop spreading malicious rumours about us. This has been ongoing for 8 years now. I am only just piecing together evidence about why neighbours have been rude or difficult to us, or why other school parents are rude to us on school runs or in our community and give us death stares. We recently got a doorbell camera and we recorded my neighbour venomously telling another neighbour that our shared alley was a mess (it wasn’t, and they looked just as miffed as I felt) and that she had been cleaning it up for years and that ‘they’re just lazy aren’t they’ about us (we only share this alley with them and that neighbour) which is defamatory, as my husband works full time, we have two Sen children and I have 10 listed medical conditions which she is aware of. She was talking about a few weeds which I went out and cleared in two mins, but then again why should I do it with chronic health conditions when she works part time? She has also never discussed this with us previously, and I feel she is a just being petty and inflammatory for no reason. 

Which is another issue with her- she is an NHS GP receptionist and works at my old GP practice. I had to leave them due to bad care and her breaking confidentiality about me and our children multiple times- when she was being particularly vicious towards me, she approached my old Personal Assistant multiple times on the same day (who is paid for by a social services personal budget) and told her I am not disabled, that I am scamming the government and to leave my family! My PA knew this was a lie, she knew I had had multiple assessments to get this budget and knew all about my health conditions, but found the school runs with me particularly hard because my neighbour would say hello and wave at her like nothing had happened, and she said it had affected her anxiety badly, so she handed in her notice (with 12 hours notice to me!) 
My new PA is aware not to talk to her, and I do realise now that her lies about me have been so horrific that she is obviously a narcissist or similar. She has major issues. We were best friends, and she discarded me quite epically last summer by shouting at my husband in the street and making out we had done something terribly wrong to her. (We still do not know what this was about). 

She has caused a lot of confusion for us for ages. We have had neighbours/ parents from our school speak to us with such venom, one approached her door (Undecorated) on a Halloween period and set off our doorbell, I went out and offered her little girl, who is in my daughter’s class, a sweet, and she replied callously ‘we don’t want anything from you’ and I burst into tears because I still to this day have no idea what that was about, and my neighbour feigned ignorance and said she did not even know why she was at her door as they were not even friends (another lie). This other parent, had a go at my daughter on a school run for trying to hold her daughter’s hand, and on another occasion laughed at me after I said hello to her in the street. The confusion about why these interactions has happened has been awful for my mental health. 

Multiple parents on our school runs give us death stares on a daily basis (they are her friends) and I do not know what the issues are. It is very confusing and has caused me a lot of anxiety and PTSD which I have had extensive therapy for. 

A few years ago, we had a horrible neighbour who harassed us, she even filmed me through the window shouting at my children and sent it to NSPCC, (this resulted in the police at our door and a social services referral which was dropped immediately as soon as they spoke to us over the phone- the police even knew they were harrassing us, my children were happy and looked after, and they told us to keep a log against our other neighbour. A couple of weeks after the incident, we heard her discussing it outside with our awful neighbour, they her they had filmed us (did not admit what they did with it and she told her she sent it to her sister to prove she was a better parent than me (!) and my neighbour seemed to encourage them and say that it was ok they broke our privacy. What was awful about that is she was supposed to be my best friend and knew the horrific issues we had with our children’s sensory needs and knew also that we had very little support from our Health Visitor, and literally threw us under a bus, so I have every reason to believe that she stoked this little fire in the first place with our neighbour. (Our children now have 3 confirmed diagnoses each, 4 years later). When I asked her about this conversation she denied it. Her general demeanour and gaslighting ways are a huge red flag for me, I honestly think she is very dangerous. 

It kick started harrassment from the old neighbour that involved multiple accusations about us to social services, passive- aggressive notes from them, them ignoring my frequent hello’s and refusing to speak to us, to them even abusing us on our local online community group. I have never been under social services and they told me they knew all accusations were malicious. I tried to do mediation with them through our housing association and they refused. They moved out luckily. I do not know what the issue was with us, and now totally assume it was all due to my current neighbour. 

Luckily, my newer neighbour does not want to get to know her neighbours that well due to issues exactly like this, and gives her the brush off so she cannot spread rumours to her thankfully. 

Now I am building evidence against her, can I do a cease and desist letter? I do not know what is best to do, as we are shared ownership and I would happily move away from her as she just never seems to stop, even on school run today she met up with a friend and kept looking back at me and our husband as she gossiped about us! but cannot afford to do move at the moment. I don’t think a mediation with the housing association would work as she would like lie, feign ignorance and charm them, and we would go back to square one. 

I don't mean to be rude but it seems everyone in the whole world is against you... your neighbors (past and present), school parents, professionals at the doctors etc...

When EVERYONE is saying you are in the wrong, then you are in the wrong people don't just gang up on one person for no reason everywhere they go. Feigning confusal over why wont fix anything.

The original poster had a problem neighbor, it can happen and occasionally a problem neighbor might even have a friend who will defend them but you seeming have nearly everyone from multiple different groups and periods of time mad at you for your behaviors.

Your attitude is also quite telling, things like 'why should I have to look after shared areas' followed by all your excuses as to why its everyone elses job etc... so you heard someone say 'she doesn't do this' and admit you didn't because you think you shouldn't have too, she didn't 'spread rumors' she told the truth. 

You also say that SS where called because you where yelling at your kids, thats not a false call and the SS absolutely do not keep records of your neighbor, thats not how it works. 

You also seemingly have no evidence of any of this. 

You have magically 'overhead' multiple neighbors 'slagging you off' (by telling the truth) but how? I have never manage to eavesdrop on any neighbors conversations. You say they film you but that is admitting YOU spy on them, you even filmed their private conversations.

Honestly your twisting yourself in knots and painting yourself in a very bad light. This just all sounds paranoid, dramatic, blame shifting and has an overwhelming victim mentality.

elsien

The above is a bit of a harsh take on things, but I have to be honest. I was wondering if you looking at people wondering if they are talking about you is them interpreting it as you giving them funny looks.
It is possible that some of your concerns  are showing as a trigger for other people.
Your PA leaving at short notice may be doen to them thinking “you know what I really don’t want to be caught in the middle of all this.”
You can’t control other people but you can control how you react to them.Perhaps that needs a little more focus, 

Emmia

Smalltownhypocrite said:

FigaroQueen said:

Going through similar with my neighbour and wondering how to get her to stop spreading malicious rumours about us. This has been ongoing for 8 years now. I am only just piecing together evidence about why neighbours have been rude or difficult to us, or why other school parents are rude to us on school runs or in our community and give us death stares. We recently got a doorbell camera and we recorded my neighbour venomously telling another neighbour that our shared alley was a mess (it wasn’t, and they looked just as miffed as I felt) and that she had been cleaning it up for years and that ‘they’re just lazy aren’t they’ about us (we only share this alley with them and that neighbour) which is defamatory, as my husband works full time, we have two Sen children and I have 10 listed medical conditions which she is aware of. She was talking about a few weeds which I went out and cleared in two mins, but then again why should I do it with chronic health conditions when she works part time? She has also never discussed this with us previously, and I feel she is a just being petty and inflammatory for no reason. 

Which is another issue with her- she is an NHS GP receptionist and works at my old GP practice. I had to leave them due to bad care and her breaking confidentiality about me and our children multiple times- when she was being particularly vicious towards me, she approached my old Personal Assistant multiple times on the same day (who is paid for by a social services personal budget) and told her I am not disabled, that I am scamming the government and to leave my family! My PA knew this was a lie, she knew I had had multiple assessments to get this budget and knew all about my health conditions, but found the school runs with me particularly hard because my neighbour would say hello and wave at her like nothing had happened, and she said it had affected her anxiety badly, so she handed in her notice (with 12 hours notice to me!) 
My new PA is aware not to talk to her, and I do realise now that her lies about me have been so horrific that she is obviously a narcissist or similar. She has major issues. We were best friends, and she discarded me quite epically last summer by shouting at my husband in the street and making out we had done something terribly wrong to her. (We still do not know what this was about). 

She has caused a lot of confusion for us for ages. We have had neighbours/ parents from our school speak to us with such venom, one approached her door (Undecorated) on a Halloween period and set off our doorbell, I went out and offered her little girl, who is in my daughter’s class, a sweet, and she replied callously ‘we don’t want anything from you’ and I burst into tears because I still to this day have no idea what that was about, and my neighbour feigned ignorance and said she did not even know why she was at her door as they were not even friends (another lie). This other parent, had a go at my daughter on a school run for trying to hold her daughter’s hand, and on another occasion laughed at me after I said hello to her in the street. The confusion about why these interactions has happened has been awful for my mental health. 

Multiple parents on our school runs give us death stares on a daily basis (they are her friends) and I do not know what the issues are. It is very confusing and has caused me a lot of anxiety and PTSD which I have had extensive therapy for. 

A few years ago, we had a horrible neighbour who harassed us, she even filmed me through the window shouting at my children and sent it to NSPCC, (this resulted in the police at our door and a social services referral which was dropped immediately as soon as they spoke to us over the phone- the police even knew they were harrassing us, my children were happy and looked after, and they told us to keep a log against our other neighbour. A couple of weeks after the incident, we heard her discussing it outside with our awful neighbour, they her they had filmed us (did not admit what they did with it and she told her she sent it to her sister to prove she was a better parent than me (!) and my neighbour seemed to encourage them and say that it was ok they broke our privacy. What was awful about that is she was supposed to be my best friend and knew the horrific issues we had with our children’s sensory needs and knew also that we had very little support from our Health Visitor, and literally threw us under a bus, so I have every reason to believe that she stoked this little fire in the first place with our neighbour. (Our children now have 3 confirmed diagnoses each, 4 years later). When I asked her about this conversation she denied it. Her general demeanour and gaslighting ways are a huge red flag for me, I honestly think she is very dangerous. 

It kick started harrassment from the old neighbour that involved multiple accusations about us to social services, passive- aggressive notes from them, them ignoring my frequent hello’s and refusing to speak to us, to them even abusing us on our local online community group. I have never been under social services and they told me they knew all accusations were malicious. I tried to do mediation with them through our housing association and they refused. They moved out luckily. I do not know what the issue was with us, and now totally assume it was all due to my current neighbour. 

Luckily, my newer neighbour does not want to get to know her neighbours that well due to issues exactly like this, and gives her the brush off so she cannot spread rumours to her thankfully. 

Now I am building evidence against her, can I do a cease and desist letter? I do not know what is best to do, as we are shared ownership and I would happily move away from her as she just never seems to stop, even on school run today she met up with a friend and kept looking back at me and our husband as she gossiped about us! but cannot afford to do move at the moment. I don’t think a mediation with the housing association would work as she would like lie, feign ignorance and charm them, and we would go back to square one. 

I don't mean to be rude but it seems everyone in the whole world is against you... your neighbors (past and present), school parents, professionals at the doctors etc...

When EVERYONE is saying you are in the wrong, then you are in the wrong people don't just gang up on one person for no reason everywhere they go. Feigning confusal over why wont fix anything.

The original poster had a problem neighbor, it can happen and occasionally a problem neighbor might even have a friend who will defend them but you seeming have nearly everyone from multiple different groups and periods of time mad at you for your behaviors.

Your attitude is also quite telling, things like 'why should I have to look after shared areas' followed by all your excuses as to why its everyone elses job etc... so you heard someone say 'she doesn't do this' and admit you didn't because you think you shouldn't have too, she didn't 'spread rumors' she told the truth. 

You also say that SS where called because you where yelling at your kids, thats not a false call and the SS absolutely do not keep records of your neighbor, thats not how it works. 

You also seemingly have no evidence of any of this. 

You have magically 'overhead' multiple neighbors 'slagging you off' (by telling the truth) but how? I have never manage to eavesdrop on any neighbors conversations. You say they film you but that is admitting YOU spy on them, you even filmed their private conversations.

Honestly your twisting yourself in knots and painting yourself in a very bad light. This just all sounds paranoid, dramatic, blame shifting and has an overwhelming victim mentality.

I have to agree with the overall sentiment.

@FigaroQueen because it's not just one person but multiple people in several areas of your life, it's probably at least partly down to your behaviour/how you interact with people... You seem a little paranoid, and that may be influencing how you're perceiving this.

My mantra is "what other people think of you, is none of your business". 

WIAWSNB

We cannot judge from this side of the screen what is really going on, but no question that there are some truly poisonous folk around, with deeply unpleasant personality disorders. Hey, have you met my neighbour?!  

In both the cases on this thread, it is vital to gather unimpeachable evidence for what's going on. Accurate chronological logs, recordings, witness statements, verbatim accounts - all concisely and unemotively described. Yes, by all means also describe how it makes you feel, and how it affects your life, but describe the actual incidents with crisp and cold impartiality.

For FigaroQueen, this could include Statements of Truth from those the miscreant gossiped to; that would be evidence of slander. 

And for both, you should check whether you have Legal Protection included in your house insurance; if you do, they should guide you.

And for both, you have a route via your Local Authority's anti-social behaviour unit, or the local Police, or both. 

You explain what's going on, and they will tell you what level of evidence they will require. If they are reluctant to act after you provide this, then you escalate it via an official complaint. And you take that to the top if needed. 

(As said by others, engaging your local councillor can be useful too.)

Both organisations will be under pressure, but both will also want a 'result'; they'll have targets to meet and 'stats' to fill. If you give either the required evidence, they should be pretty willing to act, and gain a quick result.

Kudos for them. 

But, as always, if the situation isn't as described, then you'll get nowhere.

Jude57

ellectrastar said:

I have had problems with a neighbour for a few years now. This ranges from damaging my property to being verbally abusive to trespassing, taking photos and sending numerous letters, making false claims about my character or how I have acted in certain situations.
I have had to involve the police as the behaviour has been on-going for some years and does not look to be stopping any time soon. Every time there is an incident involving the neighbour I report it to the police so there is a record.
Following a flurry of antisocial behaviour the police have now suggested that my next step would be to send the neighbour a cease and desist letter. Obviously a solicitor can do this for me but it's a cost that I cannot really bear. I have looked online and can see templates that I could use myself but wanted to ask here if anyone has done this themselves, and whether it is taken as officially as it would be from a solicitor? From my understanding if I have a cease and desist letter sent and the neighbour continues to carry on with their behaviour that this reinforces my claim that it is harassment.

Before going down the private prosecution route, which will be horrendously expensive (and slander in itself isn't a crime in most cases but harassment is) you need to push for Police intervention or at least an explanation as to why they won't intervene. Contact the local Inspector (information should be on the Force's website) and ask for a meeting to discuss the issue. Take with you all your evidence of harassment by the neighbour. If the Inspector refuses to meet you, contact the local Police & Crime Commissioner to complain of Police inaction. And yes, by all means involve your local Councillor, whose contact details will be on the Council's website.