The Little Cottage by the Sea

BrimfulofSascha

Morning loves.

I hope you've had a good weekend.

I'm already a little angry and it's barely 9.30 on a Monday. The annual CMS review has been done and yet again DD father has fiddled the books so payments owed have gone down from £300pm(which only lasted 4 months)  to £107. It's nice to know that his budgeting is so good he can afford to drive a merc on £11k a year! This isn't a post that all non-resident parents are bad, I know lots of families that manage it so well. Unfortunately this isn't one of them. I think it's time to wash my hands of it. He has only bothered to see DD once this past year, in her whole life (we split in 2010) he has paid c. £6k in child support. Every time I try to appeal to his better nature I get "I'm trying, you have to work with me". 
To put into perspective how much I've worked with him, I have done every single school run, I have paid every single bill, I have put her to bed every single night, I have balance sickness and work and caring. £6k in 15 years is not trying when I've had to spend £45k in childcare fees. It makes me so cross that absent parents aren't shamed as much by society as single mothers.

Anyway, rant over. I will not give him any power over my life. He does not get to dictate my well being or DD's. I will not put any more energy into things outside of my control. I do not need his money to give DD the best life. DD is of an age where she can decide what she wants from him and she decided to pull back a couple of years ago. I will no longer try to force a relationship she doesn't want just because he is on the birth certificate. I am so grateful she has a life full of positive male role models.

So back to my own path.

I spent half of Sunday in the kitchen, I batch cooked:
* 6 portions of butternut, carrot and bacon soup
* sourdough bread rolls
* 8 portions of bolognaise sauce
* 1 delicious pork roast, with enough leftover meat to turn into teriyaki Pork and rice for dinner tonight and probably still some more- thank you Sainsburys and their nectar price 50% off pork joints.
I'll appreciate it in the week, I did not appreciate the washing up during though. My treat when I pay off my last CC is a dishwasher! haha

On Saturday we did our Christmas gift activity, it was so good. We went on a foraging course, and it came with a 4 course taster lunch. It was so lovely meeting lots of people and getting outside in the woods. Definitely money saving too, learning what we can harvest from mother earth. Beefsteak mushroom risotto with fresh yarrow anyone?

I also think I might have made a decision on the car situation too. A friend of mine is selling his Diesel, low mileage car. It's older, but, immaculate, well maintained, and German. So the engine should last longer than my little French diesel. I can fully fund it from savings. If it lasts 3 years I'll be in a much better position for something newer. Another problem ticked off and out of my head.

Spending was low but not zero. £3 on new back boxes to rewire some sockets that were put in wonky and have annoyed me for years. £9 on some outdoor drain unblocker- it didn't work, will have to ask if my Dad can pop around with his drain rods (and then buy a cover so rubbish stops going down the hole). £31.90 on groceries - will likely need toilet roll, milk, and toothpaste by the weekend.

I feel like I'm really making mental progress with the situation this month, I'm doing better about not stressing about steps 10 moves ahead. I don't have FOMO quite as much, I'm not mentally spending the money I'll have when I'm not paying debts (except the dishwasher) 

Long may this thinking continue

L&L
Sascha

BrimfulofSascha

I've just read the start of this diary. Humans are such funny things. Keeping the diary keeps me on track, it keeps my headspace in the right place. So why is it that I abort, go back a few steps, then feel too shamed to return for a while. I'm the same with friends, running, studying, diet. Why do we avoid the things that are good for us?

in_need_of_direction

because we are programmed to believe that we don't deserve them

jokono

Could also be the principle of least effort. I'm exactly the same, everything happens in fits and spurts.

So frustrating reading about your DD's dad, especially reading it immediately after another diary with similar incredibly useless father. And also very close to home, as my dad rarely contributed.

BrimfulofSascha

Good morning Loves.

It's new door day!!! The first major thing renovated in this house using savings and not credit. It isn't in yet, but it looks so nice, and hopefully no more leaking in the hallway. Thank goodness it isn't a cold day given my house is currently open to the elements.

The spending account is looking so tight. I have 9 days until payday, will need about £40 worth of fuel, and at least bread, milk, toothpaste and loo roll before then.
I always knew this would be the case coming back to diary land part way through the month. It was DD's birthday and the balance of gifts and birthday meal was £250!!! Christmas will have to be cheaper per head, these extravagancies aren't sustainable. I've kept a pretty good grasp on groceries and fuel though (£190.75, and £133.43), but I have spent £65.47 on meals with friends and £33.98 on books! None of this is ground breaking stuff on my wage...if I wasn't paying off a big old chunk of debt.

I will definitely start pots after payday for gifts, car maintenance/insurance and annual bills/household costs. My major car and house expenses are all in the last quarter of the year, I know this, I can't keep burying my head in the sand and thinking some magic money fairy is going to swoop in and save me.

The sun is shining, I'm working from home, I have no excuses not to get my running shoes on at some point today.

L&L
Sascha

Humdinger1

You're setting a fantastic example to your DD @BrimfulofSascha.  Her father will see where he's gone wrong when it's all too late.  Keep going, you're fab love Humdinger xx 

BrimfulofSascha

Good morning Loves,

Confession, I did not get my running shoes on yesterday, I only left the house to pick DD up from her uncle.
Running shoes currently staring at me from under my desk. Have told my work friend I'm running at lunch, so the peer pressure/shame will boost me into action. I'm just so unmotivated, not ideal when I've just started training for my next marathon!

I have spent £13.75 from the rubble in my spending account on milk, bread, laundry liquid and tea bags. The car is on fumes so will need a little top up to get me through the week. I'm hoping this scrabbling around for change will kick my butt into being more spending wise after payday.

I love the new door. It gives my little house such a different look, with the overgrown lavender along the driveway and the rambling climbers around the door, my 80's box is looking far more cottage like. The service and fitting was amazing, so tidy, no deposit, the admin team happy to wait for me to live with it a week to check I'm happy before sending the invoice, so here is a reminder to shop small and local.

Right I'm off to the land of microsoft office.

L&L
Sascha

BrimfulofSascha

oh and lovely to have you along @Humdinger1

BrimfulofSascha

Run done. 
marathon training run 1/ 52 complete.   

BrimfulofSascha

Good afternoon loves,

The lovely autumn blue skies were back for a few hours, I'm glad I managed to escape the office for a little lunchtime walk.

I've been looking into the future to see what I should do after debt is gone in March 2027, although trying not to get ahead of myself. I'd like to pay down the mortgage ASAP, but also keep saving, and traveling. Can a girl have it all without taking on debt? I've no doubt there will be a compromise somewhere.

One thing I'm glad I have never compromised on is paying into my pension. Even when I had no food in the cupboards I always contributed to get the top employer match. I figured that if I can't afford food as a 20 something with earning power, I'll have no chance as a 70-something out of work. This now means, according to money week, that my pension pot is the average size for someone 8-17 years older than me, and double the average of someone in my age group. I'm going to have the most spoilt grandchildren! haha

Limping through until payday a week away (remortgage finalised and bonus expected). I'm looking forward to updating my figures. Debt numbers can be updated, but savings will go down (new door to be paid and new (to me) car payment to my friend) My car had a £20 top up yesterday. Today will be a NSD, because I haven't got the cash. Likely to be a very quiet weekend as DP has man-flu so I think he will probably stay at his house until he is fully recovered. He doesn't know I have any debt, which makes not spending hard when we are both good earners. This is one of my motivators, be solvent and with savings by the time we can sensibly address the living situation (when DD finishes standard education in 2 years 8 months). I'd also like to try and get the mortgage down so that we have a similar value of equity when we look to buy together. Currently he has about £50k more in his house than I do - we do talk money (just not my debt).

I'm waffling again!

Have a lovely Thursday.
L&L
Sascha