The Little Cottage by the Sea

Rhyddid2026

That mortgage overpayment tally thing sounds ace! That would really motivate me to overpay.

BrimfulofSascha

Good morning Loves!

Quick update on my to do list.

* Book haircut (not had a trim since May - Starting to look like Brian May!) Booked for tomorrow after a blowy weekend hiking I look more wild than ever
* Order xmas gift for Nephew. (neice is done) Have badgered my sister for a list
* Buy Xmas chocs for stockings (including neice and nephew)
* Buy secret santa for sport team person (pick name out of hat) I have the name not the gift.
* Parents have requested only buying for grandchildren - I am happy with that but will get them a token from DD
* Decide on, and buy heated blanket for DD Purchased, was delivered this morning to a neighbour I've never met! oops
* Speak to DP about his (big) birthday plans in Jan and book, have realised if I pause reno savings for 2 months we can take the trip he wants, I will massively regret not doing this now debt is in control.
* Book flights and accommodation for my marathon in Feb.
* Order stocking bits for Me/DP/DD ( a tradition i created when DD was small and i was a solo parent- she got sad that I didn't have presents, it's never fancy)
* Make xmas day meal plan - nobody loves turkey so open to ideas (might make a turkey, leek, sprout pie?)
*Write DD CV so she can get a job. She needs life out of the bubble of school. CV created, Indeed account created, 1 job applied for


So, not a completed list, but progress, and not too bad considering I've been on the side of a mountain with no signal for three days.
We actually lucked out with the weather. Friday was blowy so we stayed in the valleys, but a lovely refreshing jaunt up Yr Wyffda, Rhyd Ddu track on Saturday. No view up top but it started to clear on the way back down with some eerie views on the ridgeline. It was just what I needed and I feel mentally recharged. I must make more time for these weekends next year. It's just a shame that I live in the flatlands and the nearest proper hills require 3 hours in the car.
I need to do a mid month Finance peak at some point today, but I think we are ok. The weekend wasn't too spendy (about £60 in fuel and £65 on food) Haircut tomorrow should be about £50. I will need to top up on fuel tomorrow anddo a small food shop. Only one week until payday and this is the most relaxed and in control I've felt about finances in a long while. Money doesn't buy happiness, but it certainly brings a little peace.

Love and light
Sascha

Rhyddid2026

That all sounds lovely - fresh air, exercise, and a sense of peace. 
This is the feeling we need to hang on to on the tougher days.

BrimfulofSascha

Thanks Rhyd,

The sense of peace is fleeting. Work is so stressful at the moment
As is home, DD has mock GCSE's this next two weeks. Her lack of proactive studying is stressing me out big time.
I really need to find some balance.
This too should pass etc etc.

Must do today:
* Run 5m
* get hair cut.
* order secret santa gifts
*decide on dates to travel for marathon in the spring.

BrimfulofSascha

Good morning Lovelies.

Feeling a bit emotional today and no real reason for it. Maybe it's the weather, or a poor nights sleep, or general stress. I always feel like I lack value to anyone when I'm feeling like this. So need to shut myself away a bit to stop myself being dramatic to others.

Bad weather means bad traffic, there was a horrific accident on the A road home last night, which made for a 2 hour commute. Followed by another hour and a half this morning due to the sheer volume of rain. It's exhausting. The fresh mountain head already feels a long time ago.

Yesterday I went for a run, was cold but good. I won't run today as the weather is truly horrific here.
I got my haircut, a little more expensive than I had originally planned as I allowed myself to be upsold a conditioning treatment. I'm not in love with it, but I never am. It will be fine after a wash, I need to let it bed in. not very MSE but it's twice a year, so it only works out £15 a month- ish.

I think I've decided on marathon flight dates, just waiting for DP to confirm, then I can book flights and annual leave. Annoyingly the dates are dictated for me due to work commitments. I wish I had the courage to just not care about putting work first like everyone else seems to. Flights are c.£200 return each. I have this in my travel pot already. Will reserve accommodation once the flights are booked.

I haven't ordered the secret Santa gifts, will buy them in person in town on Sunday, but I have decided what I will get.

If anyone finds my spirit on their travels today can they kindly return it.

Love
S

BrimfulofSascha

Two posts in one day...ooh er. 

So, the flights are booked £333 and some pennies, return for me and DP. DD can't make it as it's in term time (was hoping to make a weekend of it after  the run (which is half term) but work commitments dictate otherwise. She will likely end up with her Uncle while we are away. Will discuss accommodation this weekend with DP in person. 

I forgot lunch today, decided not to buy en-route to the office as I hate spending £4+ on lunch. Work provides snacks so I've eaten two packets of mini chedders and a banana. Will have to add extra veggies to tonight's veggie meatballs and spaghetti dinner.

I remembered to drop a bag of clothes in the charity bin this morning, slowly getting on with the pre-year-end declutter. I need to get rid of more clothes, and a mass of books. I need to get the garage contents down enough to fit everything in the shed so we can crack on with the garage painting and ceiling restoration at some point soon.

I realise I have a 4 day weekend this week (using up holiday I mentioned the other month) not quite sure what to do with it. We have DD's birthday treat on Saturday night. Sunday will be going to the local furniture outlet to window shop a new bed for her. So Monday/Tuesday should probably be a big clean/declutter/long-run kind of situation. There's a couple of garden bits I could crack on with if it's dry. Maybe some batch cooking? Feels like a waste of annual leave to me.

I should probably go and lift weights tonight, but I had a flu jab yesterday and my arm is still surprisingly sore. So maybe something gentle at home.

We made it halfway through another week!
L&L
S

BrimfulofSascha

Good afternoon my loves.

Still in a bit of a fug. Having a bit of a who-am-I-what-am-I-what-do-I-want-what-am-I-doing-with-my-life episode.
Is this just prolonged stress, is this seeing the light at the end of 16 years of debt and parenting, is this 'cougar puberty' baring it's teeth a little early.

I feel like someone has replaced my brains with cotton wool. I'm craving comfort and distance from the world as I know it. I feel like I've been in this place all year. I feel like my body is not my own, I have lost the ability to find things joyful. Nothings bad, I just don't care enough. But at the same time care too much, about everything, all the time. Numb.

Similar episodes have resulted in me attempting to buy myself a new lifestyle. Like a new dress = a new woman. 

I can't say I've totally escaped that having purchased in just the past two days:
* flights for a marathon
* 2 pairs of well known brand jeans
* a new shirt
* new hiking trousers and softshell jacket from the outdoor brand the young people favour for school coats.

I can send most of that back of course, and the flights were budgeted for. If I'm honest even the marathon is a 'finding myself' exercise. Which is stupid...it isn't my first marathon. My training has been sporadic at best. As has my nutrition. 

I think part of it is seasonal. I hate winter, and keeping the wheels turning I feel I took no time to enjoy life since last winter. Is this my ice age? A life season of meh? It's all so dramatic and self indulgent isn't it?  Life has been pretty hard until the last 3 years. Maybe I just don't function without adversity so my brain is trying to calibrate. Maybe I just need more than 5 hours sleep. haha

Money news, no actual spends today.
Yesterday I did a top up shop (£25), and got fuel (£42). This will last until the weekend. It's payday Monday.
Breakfast was banana protein pancakes, and my usual collagen coffee.
Lunch was lentil and chickpea tagine, a pear, some cheese.
Dinner is chicken, rice and veggies.
I have not left my desk all day because it's cold, and I'm full of excuses.
I just need to stick to the healthier eating for a couple more days to make it routine again in my strange little brain. 
I must do some kind of movement tonight. Will get my gym kit on before I leave the office and promise not to sit straight down when I'm home.

I know I need to get back into strength training, I feel so good when I'm consistent with it, and I don't think my hips will get through marathon training if I don't. I just miss my old gym. It closed 3 years ago. The gym I used after that was a crossfit one near home and it just wasn't for me, locked in for 12 months at £160 a month. I could have joined the swanky spa one for that. I'm now at the subsidised one near work. It's got great equipment, but it's so busy all the time and just has no atmosphere. It makes working out a chore. despite it being 0.6km from my office I barely go. Despite it only costing me £15 a month, it's probably a poor economy to a nice gym that's 3x the price. 
I'm running thoughts in circles as to whether I stick with cheap, or find a nicer one close to home that will cost more but I'll likely use more. The one I've had my eye on for a couple of years is £50pm which seems expensive, but it's only 1.3% of my income. Health is important. Is this justified, or am I just trying to justify it?

Maybe I'll do a trial day on Monday when I'm not working. cost for a day pass is £15, so one workout is a month of current gym...but I've only been to the current gym once this month...

And round and round in circles I go.

L&L
Sascha

Rhyddid2026

Most of that sounds like me a year or two ago. I'm slightly better now, but it all sounds very familiar x
(Apart from the wages 😂)

BrimfulofSascha

Rhyddid2026 said:

Most of that sounds like me a year or two ago. I'm slightly better now, but it all sounds very familiar x
(Apart from the wages 😂)

Glad I'm not alone...and hopefully it means this too shall pass.

I've never been explicit about my wages here, because my wage now doesn't really tell the story. I guess I'm embarrassed that my earnings and debt looks like I'm just financially dumb, rather than the fact my wage has more than doubled in the past 5 years. and is almost 6x what it was when DD was born! I qualified as a chartered professional 3 years ago after self studying what was in effect a masters degree, while working full time and raising DD totally solo. I never thought it possible that I'd earn what I do now. And now I know I could earn a lot more. I'm not sure I want the responsibility. I'm also not sure that earning more than I do now would make me happier. Although it certainly makes life easier than when I first became a solo parent 15 years ago earning £12k
Once the debt is gone I should be pretty comfortable.

BrimfulofSascha

Morning loves,

It's a lovely crisp winters morning here in the flatlands.

I did the big delivery try on last night.

I love the hiking trousers. I will keep them as I know I will need them for plans next year.
The softshell jacket was lovely inside, but too big. It's going back.
The two pairs of leggings, one is a need. My sport means holes in workout gear very often and you cannot patch the a$$ of a pair of stretch leggings.. I've tried. The other is a return, why oh why are most leggings those god awful scrunch bum things?!
The shirt is a return, it looks like it's wearing me.
The jeans both fit lovely but I'm undecided on whether I can justify the price.
So jacket, leggings, shirt, and at least one of the jeans to be returned..
I do need new running gloves and headband/earwarmer. So will look out for some Black Friday bargains.

I need to realise it's not about depriving myself, it's about making truly conscious choices. If they are not right for now, then we can send things back and keep looking. I'm done with years of buying things that will look better when I lose 10 lbs, or wake up miraculously with a totally different body shape. I'm done with things that are uncomfortable. I'm done with things that aren't the right colour, or material, or the style is in but makes me feel like I'm wearing a costume.

In that vein, I am going to do the trial at the new gym on Monday. I need to make the appointment with myself and not let myself down. Whatever brings my mojo back. Health is true wealth. I am an all round better person when I'm in routine with my exercise. I sleep better, I'm mentally brighter, I have more patience.

DP car got driven into yesterday while it was parked outside his house. They left a note but it's probably a write-off and not worth claiming (it's old and worth nothing). So that's annoying for him, and annoying for logistics for tomorrows plans. So need to have a rethink. DD has an open day at a college tomorrow morning and then the three of us are travelling to the big smoke for a gig. So I'll have to drive to DP's then we can get the train in and probably stay at his Saturday night. Thankfully DP commutes by train.

I'm going to expand my financial spreadsheet. I know I focus a lot on retirement and making sure I can  retire comfortably. But, I think I may be planning for too comfortable at the expense of now. If I was married maybe I would feel more secure. My current projections suggest an income of £45k a year in todays terms, that's without state pension. But there is no point in that if I spend the rest of my 30's/40's/50's worried about my 12 year old car breaking down and never do any of the trips I want until I'm older and won't enjoy them as much. 
Do I really need to pay my mortgage off early or do I just think I should? That kinda thing.
Part of this worry is the constant feeling of needing to 'catch up' with my peers after having DD so young. But I earn double the average wage. I have more than my peers in pension, I own 1/3 of my house. Why do I still feel so behind?

I promise this diary won't always be so philosophical!

L&L
Sascha