The Little Cottage by the Sea

BrimfulofSascha

Hello Hazel,

Lovely having you here on my journey. 

It’s a crazy age isn’t it. I don’t feel grown up enough to be going through it all, never mind having a daughter going through it. 

So much change. 

I don’t get any child support, which of course hasn’t helped the past 15 years. Although I believe he has started working recently. 

Me and my current partner don’t live together. (love of my life- it really does feel different when it’s your person at last) mostly for practical reasons, he works in London and the commute is too difficult from where I live. I also don’t want to up sticks and move while my daughter is settled in school during the most crucial years. Plus we both own our houses (with mortgage) so it’s not as simple as giving notice on a tenancy. It works… for now. But one income household raising a child really is a stress isn’t it. 

BrimfulofSascha

Just had a stalk of my old diary. 

It makes me feel so sick about my current debt figure. That diary started at about £17k 7 years ago! Before I bought my house I managed to get down to £2400. And it’s just risen and risen from there. Which is worse when I realise that my income has gone up 136% in that time!!!! What have I been doing? I don’t have the exact figures but I estimate at the worst point my debt was about £52k. 

I was feeling like I’d done so well at my progress this year, £41k down to £33.4k is great but WOW it’s such a huge amount of money. I don’t even think I can say where it went. A new DIY kitchen, some major bathroom repairs, new fences. I did travel a lot in 2023 too. i think I’d have a breakdown if I totted up how much I spent on eating out or Christmas presents or the millions of little transactions that I lied to myself about paying off on payday. I feel like I’ve robbed my present self. I feel like I’m going to be totally on edge until I get it under £10K, but that feels like such a long way away. Too big to be a realistic goal. 

Maybe sometimes concentrating too hard on a problem makes it feel insurmountable. 

Think I’m going to become a hermit and blame work until August. That way I can smash past the £30k mark without temptation. 

No one in the real world knows I have any debt. 

doingitanyway

Good luck with your diary. 
Your goals are great.
You'll be sub £30k in no time at all!

BrimfulofSascha

Good morning my Loves.

Yet another gorgeous sunny day.

Thank you @doingitanyway my budget should see me hitting sub £30k some time in June, and sub £20k in January. But only if I stick to my budget and nothing drastic goes wrong.
I feel like this is just worrying for others as well as myself. Just this morning I was discussing yet another dumb financial decision that my parents have decided to make. My Mother will not listen, she thinks because they've always worked they should afford nice things. The reality is because they have always lived on credit they've always paid to much for everything and that is how it is always going to be. My poor dad is due to retire from his manual job at the end of next year but with my Mother's spending habits there is zero chance that it will be possible. He will just not stand up for her and say no. I don't want that life for my daughter, she has no sibling to sound off too when she is grown and fed up with my nonsense. I do feel for my mum, she has worked hard to raise her children, her sister is a wealthy SAHM, two of her children have done well for themselves and get to do nice things, she has spent her life keeping up with the Jones's and spending to make up for her poor relationship with herself.

I see some of those learned bad patterns in my own habits. Not worrying about £34k of debt because it's not 100% of my income, kidding myself that I should get those flights now before the price goes up because I'll definitely pay them off on pay day (reader, she did not pay them off on payday), not spending anything for 3 months and then rewarding myself with some new clothes, and a sports massage, and Brunch followed by takeaway the following day. Despite my moan last night I have made improvements to my life since I first joined this forum. At the end of 2018 I was (£17k) in debt with not a single asset in my name, today I stand at about £148k positive net worth. I've also only been earning close to my current wage for 2 years after 5 years of working full time, studying and raising my daughter. I need to find a balance of being proud of how far I've come, and not becoming complacent.

There are a few things that keep me from spiraling completely and those things I need to really hold onto for the next 6 months (I get spendy in the Summer after hibernating all winter with SAD)
1) My career means that I cannot lose control of this (I'm a chartered professional- the shame)
2) My daughter has nobody else to rely on financially, her Father has not been an active part of her life since she was 18 months old. If I can't keep a roof over her head it's game over!
3) My current partner is really good with money, I don't want him to know I have debt and negligible savings. He overpays massively on his mortgage, has no debt, and a fully funded EF. We earn the same, have similar value houses, to be kind to myself he doesn't have children so has been able to have his career without school runs or the general expense of a child. At present this isn't an issue as life means we won't be living together for a few years yet. This gives me time to get to his level. I want a relationship of equals. Part of that is fear of relying on another person. I want/need to be independently coupled.

Yesterday was a NSD, today will be a low spend day, I have a lunch meeting that I can't expense. The lunch will be the cheapest thing on the menu, and should offset against the fact that I haven't had to do a full food shop this week. Tomorrow will be a NSD, I have just about enough in the fridge to scrape together a the last packed lunch of the term for my daughter, and I'm working from home so no fuel used. I will need to do a food shop at some point over the weekend. One bad money habit I'm aware of is weekend food shopping, if my partner is around then we end up spend £40-50 just on food for the weekend. That's my whole weeks budget, but as we don't get much time together It's so easy to just fill a basket with nice treats. I don't want him thinking I can't afford this and opening a big o'l can of debt worms.

Well done if you've got this far in todays post. I feel like this diary is becoming my free therapy (another thing I've put on the CC in the past)

Love and light
Sascha

LzzyIsGod

Just wanted to give a virtual hand squeeze @BrimfulofSascha. Chin up, we WILL get there x

BrimfulofSascha

Good morning Loves.

Another sunny day. I cannot believe this weather!

It's a WFH day today, this obviously means catch up on laundry instead of commuting, and being able to dry bedsheets outside in the sunshine. Yay!
Looking out to the garden I might need to get the lawnmower out during lunch too.

Yesterday's lunch meeting at a little Italian place out in the sun felt like a mini holiday. The best part...a colleague picked up the tab so no spend! not an entire NSD though as I picked up some bread on the way home from work.
I will need to do a food shop at some point over the weekend. Hoping to keep this to £40. The SO for peoples postcode lotto came out today, I've been meaning to cancel this but I can't log on and it won't let me reset password. Annoying. Maybe that means I'll win this month. haha.

Will attempt to spend some time this weekend cleaning out the wardrobe and my bookshelf, see what I can sell/donate. I hate clutter and the bookshelves are groaning. I am a twice a year big clear out kind of woman, too much stuff stresses me out, so might as well try and make some money out of it. I also need to clear the garage out a little bit, theres an old fridge that no longer works that's been sat in the front of the garage since I refitted the kitchen, and a huge pile of old toys and things needing to be donated. The fun just never stops.

Love and light
Sascha

BrimfulofSascha

Good morning Loves,

I can't remember if I mentioned about the house for sale in the next village. It's been on my mind a lot. I've crunched the numbers and It's obviously a no. Well, not a complete no, more like a one day in the not too distant future. It is my dream house. But 1) I would struggle to get the small increase to my mortgage with my current debt, 2) I don't have c.£16k for moving costs, 3) It isn't practical for DD to get to school as I can't play taxi and she uses public transport, 4) There are projects in the house that aren't finished and need finishing before I dare put my house on the market.

Old versions of me would be thoroughly depressed by this and cheer myself up by spending, current version of myself feels like a fire has been lit under my a$$. Practically I can't move until DD can drive/finishes education. Realistically this is between Jan 27' and July 28' (20 to 39 months- big window) This gives me time to get an action plan in place.

I spent a little time looking through my old personal budgets, my debt at June 2024 was £47,772! That's £14k gone in 10 months. So maybe my spending habits have been better than I've given myself credit for this past year. Not perfect though, I would still pay off chunks at the start of the month only to put a bit of spending back on the cards at the end of the month. I'm almost at 2 months no CC spend- it feels good. It's nice to feel in control.

So lets look at the numbers for the weekend. I've not been a hermit, but I have been mindful of my purchases. No eating out, no spur of the moment spending.
Groceries £59.07 - a little higher than my £40-50 budget but it covered three eaters all weekend, I have friends over for dinner in the week and will last until well into next weekend. Total grocery spend so far this month £140.18, so I'll have £60 to last the 10 days after next weekend until payday! squeaky, but not impossible.
Household/DIY £36.88 - This included a hosepipe attachment for cleaning the windows from the magical middle aisle £8.99- half the price of the monthly window cleaner. £23.90 on garden plants. not completely necessary, but I hard landscaped the garden last year so I bought a couple of climbers and some perennials to fill in some gaps in the muddy flower beds. I'd love to get some wildlife back in the garden and after last years effort and expense I want to make it a nice place to use this summer. I purchased from the local market, so much cheaper than the garden center and it makes me feel good to support local. £3.99 on a weeding knife - the front drive is now weed free, lawn edges sharp and looking less of a blight on the cul-de-sac.
Car maintenance £6.99 - Replacement headlight bulb. Pretty self explanatory and necessary.

Looking over my past spending I'd usually spend c. £200 every weekend, £60 on groceries, £40 on a tank of fuel, £40 on something fun to do and £60 on snacks/eating out/take-away. So there's been some improvement for sure. I will have to find something fun/cheap to do next weekend so DP doesn't think I've turned into a total bore.
One thing that I think has helped on the grocery spending is keeping a rolling shopping list/meal plan on my phone. So I have a list of all the meals I can make from the food in the house and tick off as I cook (current list: Chorizo risotto, Homemade burgers and salad, fishcakes new potatoes and peas, veggie sausages and mash, creamy tomato pasta, veggie Thai curry and rice) and then above I keep a list of items I need to buy and add as I remember. I use a bit of reverse meal planning too, so leftovers from this weeks meals will be half a chorizo ring and some pasta, so for next week I might add courgettes and peppers to the shopping list and then add "roast vegetable and chorizo pasta" to the meal plan. I'm probably trying to teach you all how to suck eggs with this revelation. But, it's stopped me randomly buying dinners, having food waste, or popping out to get the essential I forgot and ending up spending £20 on nonsense.

This weekend was a proper sort out kind of weekend. I didn't do the wardrobe clear out mentioned Friday. It seemed a waste of the sunshine- it was far warmer outside than in the house. Instead we mowed the lawns, planted the flowerbeds, weeded, cleaned out the fridge, got on top of the laundry, washed the cars, washed the windows. It felt productive, just a shame that they are all jobs that will need repeating next month. haha.

Goals for this week.
Get back to my exercise regime. (3x training sessions, at least 3 runs)
Get at least 4 no spend days.
Look at best place to sell books I no longer want.
Download Vinted and attempt to sell some things.
Take the baby cat for his final check up.

There's probably a million other things to do, but I'll bore you no more.

Love and light
Sascha

BrimfulofSascha

Good morning Loves,

I've remembered how to add a signature, I'm hoping those terrible numbers keep me on track.

It's a WFH day again today. This morning has been so productive. I'd put a wash load on and hung, cleaned out litter trays, mopped floors, done my 24/25 tax return, and walked to the vets and back for the little cats last post-op check up, all before turning on my work laptop. Now sat with a slice of fruit toast and a mug of tea for a quick elevenses with DFD's. All before the teenager gets up from her comfortable half term nest. 

Today should be a NSD, which will be 2 in a row. I will need to make a small spend tomorrow probably for milk and laundry detergent. 

I have a training session tonight, will try to get there early and do a little run as a warm up. Then a quick dinner of fishcakes and yesterdays potato salad. 

As someone who is used to always being on the go, exploring, doing hobbies, the last few weeks have felt quite sedate. I'm not sure if it's boring or not. I do feel like I'm just waiting, but I'm not sure what for. Debt freedom? a dream home? travel plans? I'm not unhappy, I am determined to be DF to widen my choices. I'm not sure how I'll be when it's all gone. I'm not sure what my real goals are once it's gone. I guess I don't have to know right now, I don't have to know everything.

Love and Light
Sascha

vampirotoothus

Hi there, it looks like things are going really well for you, well done. As you are thinking about moving perhaps you could list all the things you want done before the nearest possible date and use the current time as a way to move all of that forward. It will make you feel like you are actively working towards your future home? V x

Van_Girl

When I was struggling with feeling like I was missing out on expensive exciting things to do, I made a list of all the things I could do in my area and at home for free. I discovered so many interesting and beautiful walks locally, events on at the library, community events, BorrowBox for free audio books etc. I filled up my diary for free, and there's plenty of things I never even got around to doing.

Loved spotting Caleb Hammer in an earlier post! He's my financial guilty pleasure too. My partner calls him the angry shouty man  His guests make me feel considerably better about myself 

Good luck with everything, you'll smash this