Seeking Advice: Ex-Partner Took My Belongings and £10,000+ Loaned Cash

fitzrovia

 Hi all,  

I’m in the UK and dealing with a serious issue involving an ex-partner who has taken a significant amount of my belongings, along with at least £10,000 I lent them while we were together. I have written evidence of them acknowledging the debt and saying they would return my things, but they are now refusing.  

We work in the same (small) industry in London and know many of the same people, which complicates things. I also have private work-related data of theirs and items of hers, both of which I have tried multiple times to return. She has ignored all contact with me since I moved her in to her new flat (and paid at least £1000 to do so, on top of everything else).

She also earns significantly more than I do, at least twice as much. Her salary is ridiculous. 

Given this, I want to handle the situation as effectively as possible—whether through legal action, police involvement, or another route.  

Has anyone dealt with something similar and successfully recovered their money or possessions? Any advice on the best approach would be much appreciated.  

Thanks.

TripleH

1. For the loan, is there a recorded timescale for repayment? Without one, you cannot prove the money is overdue.

2. Can you prove the belongings are yours and not gifts to your ex?

Sorry for the pessimism, but it's arguements like this that she would use to counter your claims in court.

That she earns more is unfortunately irrelevant in this case. Can you prove the items taken are yours, why when you helped her move did you not query where they were?

Newbie_John

What do you think is her part of story? Did she do it out of anger, she believed these things were her (she paid mortgage you didn't etc.)..

My friend had a similar situation and talking to the ex-partner parents sorted things out- they asked her to put anger aside and do what's right.

sheramber

I suslect there is a lot more to this story thsn we have been told.

Unless someone can mediate between you, you would need to take her to court, assuming you had proof of the debt and belongings.

That would involve costs  which could be substantial if you lost, however the threat of court action may be enough to get her to act.

You could try a lawyer's letter requesting her to return  the items and repay the money.

pinkshoes

fitzrovia said:

 Hi all,  

I’m in the UK and dealing with a serious issue involving an ex-partner who has taken a significant amount of my belongings, along with at least £10,000 I lent them while we were together. I have written evidence of them acknowledging the debt and saying they would return my things, but they are now refusing.  

We work in the same (small) industry in London and know many of the same people, which complicates things. I also have private work-related data of theirs and items of hers, both of which I have tried multiple times to return. She has ignored all contact with me since I moved her in to her new flat (and paid at least £1000 to do so, on top of everything else).

She also earns significantly more than I do, at least twice as much. Her salary is ridiculous. 

Given this, I want to handle the situation as effectively as possible—whether through legal action, police involvement, or another route.  

Has anyone dealt with something similar and successfully recovered their money or possessions? Any advice on the best approach would be much appreciated.  

Thanks.

It's quite simple - you write to her new address a "Letter Before Action" giving her 14 days from receipt of the letter to return all items listed below (list the items), and make it clear that if the items are not returned within the specified time frame, you will be taking the matter to court.

If she doesn't return them, then start the online small claims court process. Actually, as it's over £10,000 worth I think you need to use a different service. 

My brother did this with his ex, who was NOT well off but owed him a lot of money. Her parents paid up in the end within the 14 days as they realised he was serious about court action and didn't want her to end up with a potential CCJ.

fitzrovia

@sheramber who said "there must be something more to this that we don't know" - the only other piece is I moved the things in to her house because I was supposed to be living there too. Then the relationship fully broke down.

And @Newbie_John, her rationale is unknown but likely just anger and vengeance. She has no claim to the items and I have receipts - not just for the items themselves but messages of her admitting they are mine

Newbie_John

@fitzrovia, it's a hard case - you may say you have a message from 2024 stating items are yours and she'd say it's been gifted to her in 2025.. you say you lent her £10k and she accepts that saying she'll pay eventually (there was no preagreed plan) plus court case and lawyers may take a significant amount of money and time .

and as @sheramber mentions, the "unknown" part of the story relates mostly to break up reason, and this has impact on next steps sadly - like talking to her parents or best friends - is it even possible?

Taking time could help to let the emotions settle, sending a letter with plan of action and threatning with court (possibly even to parents to let them know what your plan is), and then depending on total value of assets it's up to you to decide if it's worth pursuing - angry break ups never have a winner, both sides lose.