Ex-wife moved in 3 years ago but doesn't contribute towards bills

Cupcake66

My dads ex-wife moved in with him three years ago and hasn't paid towards any bills during that time. She moved in without my knowledge. When asked a few weeks later, she did say it was a temporary stay, so no conversations were had about her contributing towards bills. but here we are three years later and she's still there.

He has dementia and has no insight into his finances, I deal with everything as sole PoA.

For the last two years he would have been exempt from paying council tax (Severe Mental Impairment exemption). The bill has been approx £1,500 per year since then.

My question is, can his ex-wife be made to pay/contribute towards the council tax bill?

I have checked on the council's website and it is the property owner who is liable, and his Ex-wife won't be able to set up a direct debit on her account to cover it.

Morally there is no question in my mind that she should contribute towards living there, and this bill is a clear out-of-pocket expenditure for him. She says she takes him out once a week for a meal and she pays for that. She does not do any caring duties, other than the odd load of washing. He has carers four times a day to look after him which he pays full cost for. So it's not like she is saving him money by caring for him.

I did suggest that she set up a standing order to his account to cover the cost of the council tax but she wouldn't do that.

Tried to discuss with my dad but his lack of capacity means he thinks he should just go and rant at the council for a bill being sent for her living there.

Has anyone else been in a similar position and can give any advice? I have booked a telephone consultation with a local solicitor but want to try not to go down the legal route if possible, although it may inevitable.

Hermann

Apologies if this sounds harsh or I've misunderstood but....

What is she even doing living there?

Presumably as you have PoA then that really is your responsibility. Why do you agree to her living there?

Brie

Does he enjoy her being there?  Maybe not as a "wife" but as a friend?  Do you feel reassured that someone is there 24/7 in case he needs help?  

Personally I would expect her to be paying rent of some sort even if that was her doing all of the grocery shopping or similar.  Perhaps thought she feels that her presence there is "rent" enough.

How well is your dad?  Dementia has so many aspects that he might be perfectly fine being in his own home for quite some time.  But what it he needs more care?  How far would you go to rid him of his ex - book him into a care home and boot her out and sell his house?  

Obviously if she is really taking advantage of him then it may well be a case of getting social services and even the police involved.

edited to add: hope that doesn't sound too harsh.  I know precisely how difficult it can be looking after an elderly, frail parent.

Cupcake66

Hermann, that's not a harsh thing to say at all and I agree.

I did report it as a Safeguarding concern due to his dementia and her mental health issues. She lost her flat when she was sectioned numerous times and when discharged had nowhere to go and another family member was involved with her moving in with him. Safeguarding asked him if he wanted her to be there and he said he did, so no action taken.

He doesn't understand he is out-of-pocket.

She has reported me numerous times to Safeguarding telling them I've taken his money, all false and nothing to base it on and no action taken. The family dynamics are complex. I really wish she would move out as she is verbally abusive towards me, expects me to do everything in the house (because I have POA) and basically criticises me at every opportunity.

Hermann

What a desperately sad situation, you have my sympathies.

Thank goodness you are around to support even though it is so difficult. Well done you!

I can think of little more to add beyond continue working with whatever Safeguarding teams are available to you making sure they recognise you have PoA (assuming that is correctly organised) and Dad no longer has the capacity to make the decision.

It does sound like it would be better if she wasn't living there, but obviously difficult to know from a few words on an internet forum.

Cupcake66

Brie....I just want her to pay her way. 

I don't feel reassured by her presence, she's unstable, and has an inflammatory influence on him. She has been abusive towards the carers and never sees the good in anybody...unless they were doing something for her/of use to her. 

She did used to take him shopping with her daughter, which he paid for, but that stopped when they could no longer use his bank card. I've done an online shop for him every week for the last couple of years.

If he needs more care then I will be looking at a live-in carer as he does not want to go into a care home.

otb666

At least by not paying rent she is not a tenant and has no rights therefore saving all the hassles of evicting her when the time comes to sell.  Just a thought. Well done for all you have done you are a good son/daughter.

marcia_

 As shes not a tenant i would be asking her to leave, even changing the locks when she went out. She is abusing your father's illness to her own advantage. 

Savvy_Sue

With the SMI, he (or you on his behalf) can apply for the 25% discount which would apply for sole occupancy. Have you done that?

MikeJXE

You need to figure out your duties as his attorney 

First and foremost is everything you do should be in his best interest and if he wants her there then so be it 

Money isn’t everything

Hermann

MikeJXE said:

You need to figure out your duties as his attorney 

First and foremost is everything you do should be in his best interest and if he wants her there then so be it 

Money isn’t everything

The term 'abusive' has been mentioned a few times, very difficult to know from one persons internet posts but it at least poses a question around safeguarding.

I don't read this as being all about money.

You are of course correct about establishing duties as his attorney and acting in Dads best interest.