I struggle to read, but want to run my own DMP

EssexHebridean

The reply function when you are also quoting a post can sometimes be a bit tricky - my guess is you accidentally backspaced into the quoted text and yes, that can be a problem when it comes to responding! (In case you find it happens again, there is a little </> symbol above the text box which if you tap on or click, allows you far easier editing of the post and enables you to type what you want, where you want!  A useful trick to know!) 

The reason for me suggesting you stepped back, took a breath is that some of the explanations being given about ways to do things were clearly causing some anxiety. The best way of dealing with anxiety - regardless of its cause - is pretty much always to take a breath. 

Something you might bear in mind is that not everyone you are getting responses from here is what you refer to as neurotypical - it’s not s simple as everyone else not understanding because “we are neurotypical so we can’t possibly understand” - plenty of us on here have also had challenges to deal within that regard and have perhaps had a lot of life experience in learning to work with and around those challenges, which gives us a useful perspective. I’m certainly aware that for example not everything in life that we might believe is a non negotiable necessarily ends up that way! This forum has so many members it is by inevitability a massively diverse place! 

At the time of my response you were adamantly stating that you could not work with stepchange because various factors meant that was not suitable for you - which was my reason for believing that you were determined you wanted to DIY things. Unless you can think of another alternative? The only one I can think of might be a fee paying DMP and we would NEVER recommend those, so that doesn’t even really appear on my radar. (And in any event, those sharks would probably still want the same income/expenditure information that Stepchange would). 

Referring to something as “sitting well with” someone is a turn of phrase - it doesn’t relate to choice or decision making. I might say that being in an environment with for example a TV and a radio on simultaneously “doesn’t sit well with me” - when in fact it leaves me quite literally wanting to claw my own ears off to make the noise stop. Not a choice - just something I can’t cope with at all- and a turn of phrase to describe the situation. I could just as easily say that being in that environment isn’t something I can handle, cope with, deal with, tolerate etc. 

The methods of contact, you should write to them to set those out, yes. 

ManyWays

The reply function when you are also quoting a post can sometimes be a bit tricky - my guess is you accidentally backspaced into the quoted text and yes, that can be a problem within it comes to responding! (In case you find it happens again, there is a little </> symbol above the text box which if you tap on or click, allows you far easier editing of the post and enables you to type what you want, where you want!

I never knew that; it does seem easier, I have always found the quote function baffling. may even get used to what some of the symbols are in time!

AudADHDGuyWithABrainInjury

EssexHebridean said:

The reply function when you are also quoting a post can sometimes be a bit tricky - my guess is you accidentally backspaced into the quoted text and yes, that can be a problem when it comes to responding! (In case you find it happens again, there is a little </> symbol above the text box which if you tap on or click, allows you far easier editing of the post and enables you to type what you want, where you want!  A useful trick to know!) 

The reason for me suggesting you stepped back, took a breath is that some of the explanations being given about ways to do things were clearly causing some anxiety. The best way of dealing with anxiety - regardless of its cause - is pretty much always to take a breath. 

Something you might bear in mind is that not everyone you are getting responses from here is what you refer to as neurotypical - it’s not s simple as everyone else not understanding because “we are neurotypical so we can’t possibly understand” - plenty of us on here have also had challenges to deal within that regard and have perhaps had a lot of life experience in learning to work with and around those challenges, which gives us a useful perspective. I’m certainly aware that for example not everything in life that we might believe is a non negotiable necessarily ends up that way! This forum has so many members it is by inevitability a massively diverse place! 

At the time of my response you were adamantly stating that you could not work with stepchange because various factors meant that was not suitable for you - which was my reason for believing that you were determined you wanted to DIY things. Unless you can think of another alternative? The only one I can think of might be a fee paying DMP and we would NEVER recommend those, so that doesn’t even really appear on my radar. (And in any event, those sharks would probably still want the same income/expenditure information that Stepchange would). 

Referring to something as “sitting well with” someone is a turn of phrase - it doesn’t relate to choice or decision making. I might say that being in an environment with for example a TV and a radio on simultaneously “doesn’t sit well with me” - when in fact it leaves me quite literally wanting to claw my own ears off to make the noise stop. Not a choice - just something I can’t cope with at all- and a turn of phrase to describe the situation. I could just as easily say that being in that environment isn’t something I can handle, cope with, deal with, tolerate etc. 

The methods of contact, you should write to them to set those out, yes. 

Hi

Ah.  That’s kind of what I thought. 

Genuinely there was no anxiety.  When you seemed to think there was, that’s when I assumed you were neurotypical.  I wish I could type when I am anxious!

In my experience the biggest sign that is the case is when someone infers a subtext or underlying emotional state in my words or speech that doesn’t exist- normally to my complete surprise (well the biggest sign after saying things they don’t actually mean such as “I’ll be there in 5”, “have a good day” or “lovely to meet you, we must do this again”).  Not perfect for sure, so if I got that wrong in this instance then I apologise.

thank you for your sustained patience with me.  Most people get very angry at me when I try to clarify things I don’t understand.  I admire the grace and poise you showed instead.  I wish that was how more people treated me.

I see I have been completely mistaken about the meaning of the phrase “doesn’t sit well with me” for my entire adult life.  Sorry about that misunderstanding I created there, and thank you for correcting me and explaining it.

i have dramatically failed to figure out the text box trick you describe, but that might be my phone’s fault rather than mine.  I’m not sure.  I will give it a go on my desktop later.  

im pretty pleased with the outcome of asking you and everyone here what to do.  Thank you again.  As soon as I knew I didn’t have to put myself in danger to use StepChange and how to avoid the two issues that were stopping, it became the best possible option.

apologies to all it took so long to get me there.  I hope to be less of a pain in the future.

no doubt I will be panicking when I default on the two credit cards at the end of march!

enthusiasticsaver

I am glad that you have worked your way through this with the help of many forum members.  As @EssexHebridean says this forum is by nature a diverse place and there are many on here struggling with neurodiversity and the challenges it can bring.  Please do not feel you are being  a pain or that your way of expressing yourself is "incorrect."  Feel free to ask questions as you proceed further with the DMP. 

Have you tried asking for write offs due to your suspicion you are unlikely to work in the near future?  

AudADHDGuyWithABrainInjury

enthusiasticsaver said:

I am glad that you have worked your way through this with the help of many forum members.  As @EssexHebridean says this forum is by nature a diverse place and there are many on here struggling with neurodiversity and the challenges it can bring.  Please do not feel you are being  a pain or that your way of expressing yourself is "incorrect."  Feel free to ask questions as you proceed further with the DMP. 

Have you tried asking for write offs due to your suspicion you are unlikely to work in the near future?  

Hi

Thank you for your response 

I have not tried asking for write-offs as I did not know that was an option.  I am still yet to miss a payment but intend to miss the next capital one payment on the 23rd and vanquis on the 30th march.

my understanding is then ask via letter or email that all communication be in writing, and then wait for them to begin the default process, and once they have completed then go to step change and ask them to manage a DMP for me.  Hopefully avoiding ccj and ivas that way.

should I ask for a write-off first?

sourcrates

Original creditors won`t do anything until the debt defaults.

Asking them for write offs might not be very productive, that approach works best at the next stage when a debt has been sold on at least once.

I mean its something you can try, but don`t expect much of a result, you may get lucky and they may agree not to chase the debts, I guess its worth the cost of a few stamps to find out, but they will require medical evidence and a full income/expenditure write up on you, is that something you would be OK with?

AudADHDGuyWithABrainInjury

sourcrates said:

Original creditors won`t do anything until the debt defaults.

Asking them for write offs might not be very productive, that approach works best at the next stage when a debt has been sold on at least once.

I mean its something you can try, but don`t expect much of a result, you may get lucky and they may agree not to chase the debts, I guess its worth the cost of a few stamps to find out, but they will require medical evidence and a full income/expenditure write up on you, is that something you would be OK with?

Hi

thanks for your response 

before anyone reads on I think a lot of people in 2025 would expect a trigger warning here so-

TW; domestic abuse; domestic violence and attempted murder.  Please do not read the below if these subjects are triggering for you.


I have a medical report from a neurologist regarding persistent post concussion syndrome resulting from domestic violence and attempted murders I survived, a full testing battery report from a neuropsychologist demonstrating the concussion syndrome’s impact on my memory and impulse control, and a report from a psychiatrist diagnosing me with complex PTSD and detailing its effects also on impulse control, cognition and memory that I can happily provide - alongside two letters from a clinical psychologist regarding my previous diagnoses that I have discussed in this thread so far.

I could send a write up of income versus expenses but I couldn’t send bank statements without having severe issues ensue.  

Would that be enough?

enthusiasticsaver

As @sourcrates says asking for write offs is probably likely to be more successful after you have defaulted and the debts sold on.  The report is certainly worth sending on to them then.  I don't think you need to send bank statements. 

ManyWays

The lenders can and do write off debts. If you would find it difficult to write these letters and to supply the necessary evidence, you could go to your local Citizens Advice and ask if they could write on your behalf. You could also go through your income and expenditure with the debt adviser who could then create an I&E in a form your creditors will recognise. If that can be combined with evidence of income (payslips, benefit letters etc) then it may not be necessary to send bank statements.

AudADHDGuyWithABrainInjury

Ok -thank you for your responses!