Reality of University Life - Moving Away from Home

[Deleted User]

I would really appreciate some advice please.

My stepchild is absolutely adamant that they want to move away to go to uni in September.  They have a couple of conditional offers for universities away from home, and one close to home so they could stay living with us and commute.  They are not street wise, can do very little for themselves, doesn't have a part time job  got sacked from thirr very first job), and is pretty rubbish with pocket money (but that's another thread all on his own, should I actually be giving an 18 year old pocket money?!)  We have tried to have conversations about the reality of money, living away from home etc but they are hell bent on going to uni to house share with friends (I have visions of the Young Ones every time I think of house sharing!!).

We aren't in a position to be able to fund in any way financially.  We will of course help practically and emotionally.  I am quite prepared to help with skill's of living.

I am absolutely delighted that they wants to overcome thier past and go to uni, I just worry about the reality of the situation. Can anyone offer any advice or support on how we deal with this situation please.  Do we just have to let them get on with it?

FlorayG

Bear in mind that 90% of 18 year olds who go to university are exactly the same and they survive.He's going to struggle to find anywhere to rent without a guarantor though

zagfles

Uni is exactly the time he should start learning those sorts of skills, he can't live like a child forever. If not now then when? If your income is very low then he should get a full loan which should be enough to live, maybe a bit of a challenge but sounds like exactly what he needs! 

Penguin_

It could well be that this independence will make a big difference to him as a person & he may really thrive & grow.

FlorayG

You can help by starting to train him in the necessities of life before he goes. You would be amazed at how many teenagers think that toilets, fridges and floors clean themselves 

Emmia

I think uni is the time to cut the apron strings so so speak. Your stepson will hopefully move out at some point and this is a good time - I sense you're trying to keep him at home, but also don't want to do this... 

katejo

[Deleted User] said:

I would really appreciate some advice please.

My stepson is absolutely adamant that he wants to move away to go to uni in September.  He has a couple of conditional offers for universities away from home, and one close to home so he could stay living with us and commute.  He isn't street wise, can do very little for himself, doesn't have a part time job (he got sacked from his very first job), and is pretty rubbish with the pocket money he does get (but that's another thread all on his own, should I actually be giving an 18 year old pocket money?!)  We have tried to have conversations with him about the reality of money, living away from home etc but he is hell bent on going to uni to house share with his friends (I have visions of the Young Ones every time I think of house sharing!!).

We aren't in a position to be able to fund him in any way financially and he knows that whatever he does, financially he will be on his own.  We will of course help him practically and emotionally.  I am quite prepared to help him learn skills of daily living, but quite frankly, he is lazy!

I realise I'm not painting the best picture of him here, I am absolutely delighted that he wants to overcome his past and go to uni, I just worry about the reality of his situation.  To add, his mental health is also quite fragile.  Can anyone offer any advice or support on how we deal with this situation please.  Do we just have to let him get on with it?

I am so glad that I moved away from home to be a student. There was nothing wrong with my home life but I wanted to gain independence. Couldn't he start by living in halls of residence for the 1st year and then perhaps share a house with new friends?

zagfles

[Deleted User] said:

Thank you @zagfles, my income isn't low, but his dad's is.  It is a complicated back story, I have done more than most step parents would do in a very difficult situation, got myself into a huge amount of debt to provide a home to 3 children very unexpectedly.  

@Penguin_ I honestly hope that this is the case

Then he could have problems, they assess on household income and both your incomes would count, if that's quite high his loan would nowhere near be enough. See Student finance: how to apply: Household income - GOV.UK 
Also suggest you watch Martin's video on this particularly the "hidden parental contribution" bit (it's a few years old so the figures will be a bit out of date)
Martin Lewis: Student Loans Decoded - MSE
Basically he'll either need you to subsidise him or he'll need to get a job alongside his studies. 

QrizB

FlorayG said:

You can help by starting to train him in the necessities of life before he goes. You would be amazed at how many teenagers think that toilets, fridges and floors clean themselves 

I spent a little while teaching my son how to cook. Not anything fancy, just carbs+protein+veggies in various combinations. He's in his third year now and it's surprising how few of his mates know how to do anything more than open a can or order a pizza.

Cleaning, on the other hand, that didn't really take root.

RAS

Hi, student loans assessment is based on household income, so are you the higher earning step-mother? Is mum anywhere in the picture? Don't need the story but just yes or no.

I've knew a 19 year old insistent on moving to work elsewhere. Can't say much but was eventually retrieved in a poor state (no substance misuse or anything). Took some years before he was able to work again. And I knew another who'd escaped an abusive family situation, had a stable grandma but still moved away for uni and thrived. So it's not predictable.

Does he have any other relatives or close family friends who have been to university in the last few years and can talk to him? Anyone who can explain joint and several liability? That if you leave a tip, you lose your deposit?

Voyager2002

RAS said:

 Anyone who can explain joint and several liability? That if you leave a tip, you lose your deposit?

Or rather, if you leave a tip you (or your guarantor) may still have to pay rent for the rest of the contract. And if someone else leaves, the landlord will come after you for their share of the rent as well as your own.