Money given under duress?

Yorkshire_pudding1

My children's father died suddenly of Covid at the end of the pandemic (he was my ex-husband) and his girlfriend asked that out of his estate could she have £5000 for a watch which he had planned to buy her. He had already paid the £500 deposit. There was £10,000 left to us and we had to pay for the funeral out of that, however, because we were in grief and shock we agreed, also thinking that she would stay in our lives. I asked her to be guardian to my kids as we were getting on so well at the time. She now has gone silent and does not respond to my children's messages.  My children and I are struggling to pay basic bills and she lives in a big house and now has a new partner, which I am happy about for her and  I am trying so hard not to be bitter but am wondering what is the likelyhood of me being able to ask her to give my children at least part of the cost of the watch back as I can't bear to watch my children worrying  about how to afford to live when she is walking around with a Cartier watch which was from their father. I know that techincally it was a gift but could it be classed as given under duress? 

Marcon

natasha_roberts said:

My children's father died suddenly of Covid at the end of the pandemic (he was my ex-husband) and his girlfriend asked that out of his estate could she have £5000 for a watch which he had planned to buy her. He had already paid the £500 deposit. There was £10,000 left to us and we had to pay for the funeral out of that, however, because we were in grief and shock we agreed, also thinking that she would stay in our lives. I asked her to be guardian to my kids as we were getting on so well at the time. She now has gone silent and does not respond to my children's messages.  My children and I are struggling to pay basic bills and she lives in a big house and now has a new partner, which I am happy about for her and  I am trying so hard not to be bitter but am wondering what is the likelyhood of me being able to ask her to give my children at least part of the cost of the watch back as I can't bear to watch my children worrying  about how to afford to live when she is walking around with a Cartier watch which was from their father. I know that techincally it was a gift but could it be classed as given under duress? 

I'm afraid that's highly unlikely. She seems to have made a polite request and you seem to have been happy (or at least not unwilling) to agree to it. The fact the deposit has been paid lends credence to her story, so she wasn't taking you for a ride - and given she had just lost her current partner, it probably meant a great deal to her.

There's nothing to stop you writing to her (and I would write rather than email or call), explaining the situation and asking if she is in a position to help in any way. I would also mention that the children would very much like to keep in touch with her, and offer several specific dates and times when she might come over for coffee and see them. Maybe that would re-open channels of communication. 

FlorayG

No, I think you are stuck with that, she requested and you gave.
As for her not responding any longer, she's getting on with her life and perhaps wants to put her past life behind her. Sad that you would like to have her involved with your children and she doesn't want to, but that's life, everyone has different priorities. I also would write as suggested above but if no response, forget her and get on with life yourself. Shame but that's how people are

Sea_Shell

He could have made a will leaving everything to his girlfriend.

You made a generous gesture to honour his intentions.  She did actually buy the watch, which will be precious to her.

Hold your head high, and move on.   You can't make people stay in your lives, if they have moved on with theirs.

Keep_pedalling

If sounds like your children were minors at the time of his death, in which case no one had a right to give part of their inheritance to anyone else. 

Sea_Shell

Keep_pedalling said:

If sounds like your children were minors at the time of his death, in which case no one had a right to give part of their inheritance to anyone else. 

Ah yes.   I hadn't thought of that.    If he died intestate, then his children would have inherited, and so no one could have "given away" THEIR inheritance on their behalf.   

OP, if that is the case it seems like YOU owe your children £5000 !! 

elsien

Who was the executor of the will - was it you?

You talk about being left 10 K and having to pay for the funeral from that, but the funeral expenses would come from the estate before any bequests were made, so do you mean the estate totalled 10 K then what was left after the funeral was paid came to your children? 

How old are your children? I’m confused because you’re talking about them worrying about bills and agreeing to the gift, which implies they are adults,  then talk about them needing a guardian, which implies they are under 18. 

Yorkshire_pudding1

Sea_Shell so I don't owe them £5000!) they were in shock as we all were, and that's not a great time to make major decisions.
All the finances were handled properly and correctly in accordance to the law.  I agree that the fact my ex paid the deposit on the watch lends weight to the fact that  it was the right thing to do to continue to buy her the watch. I suppose, in retrospect, I now realise I was trying to do the right thing but not thinking of the financial future for my children. I should have asked her for time to think about it once the dust had settled as it were.
After we paid for the funeral there was very little left for my children. We also gave her all of his furniture as she wanted that too.
Their dad would never have left everything to his girlfriend; his children were everything to him. However, he may well have left her the watch had he been able to buy it before he died.
Hope that makes our position clearer. I will let it go now, and try to open contact with her again for my children's sake.
I guess it's just a horrible situation all round. I would never have asked for a designer watch if it were me but you never know how people will behave in grief when money is involved. I get that she was upset too - it's why we said yes to buying her the watch in the first place. Time to move on.

Yorkshire_pudding1

Thank you for your helpful comments. A bit of supposition above, so to clear up: the children were 18 and 17,there was no will, the 18 year old gave me legal permission to act on his behalf to arrange the funeral etc. Although the children/young adults agreed to buy the watch for her at the time (I didn't just do it…

Keep_pedalling

natasha_roberts said:

Thank you for your helpful comments. A bit of supposition above, so to clear up: the children were 18 and 17,there was no will, the 18 year old gave me legal permission to act on his behalf to arrange the funeral etc. Although the children/young adults agreed to buy the watch for her at the time (I didn't just do it…

Legally the 17 year old was not in a position to make that decision (unless you are in Scotland) however what was done is undoable now unless the partner agrees to it.

saajan_12

natasha_roberts said:

I can't bear to watch my children worrying  about how to afford to live when she is walking around with a Cartier watch which was from their father. I know that techincally it was a gift but could it be classed as given under duress? 

Legals aside and just addressing the unfairness you're feeling.. If it had been a few more months and he'd bought the watch before he died, then the numbers would have worked out to be the same, ie there would still be £5k less in the estate to leave the children.