New Year, New Me

Flick85

Back to work today… and it was a slow start, didn’t get to the office til 11.30 after a terrible night’s sleep. I did finish my audiobook - the first of the year - but that I’ve managed a 16 hour book in just 4 nights tells you how poor my sleep is rn! On nights I don’t sleep, I don’t force myself to get up early (unless there’s some specific reason I need to) as it’s always counter productive to do so. I’m lucky my job is super flexible as I manage my own diary and workload so I can minimise the effects of my insomnia relatively easily.

Late start aside, it ended up being a really productive day - I managed to complete a few difficult things I’d been putting off for a while (and they weren’t as difficult as I feared afterall) so I’m feeling nicely accomplished despite the late start. Finished the day late to compensate a bit and managed to miss most of rush hour commuting too. There weren’t many people on campus today, but I saw a few students and colleagues. It’s nice to see humans!

And even better, I only spent 91p on milk today. The lentil dhal with pitta bread I had for lunch was both tasty and filling, so that’s a winner to remember. So not quite a no spend day, but a very low spend productive day so I’m pleased with that.

Back home now and it’s cold and I’ve got a headache. So, might have some tea, read in bed for an hour or so before an early night. Tomorrow does require an early start (I would ban 9am meetings if I had my way!) and I’ve got my BSL class in the evening, so it’ll be a pretty full on day.

LzzyIsGod

I think in that case @Flick85 I'd have no worries about politely declining the invite - it's short notice anyway and the added money stress probably isn't worth it on balance. Could always say you already have plans (you do - not spending money haha)

Hope the insomnia settles, sleep deprivation is just awful but seems to be worse when you know you've got to be in early and have a busy day.

Enjoy your class tomorrow night

Flick85

A quick one today as it’s late… BSL class was great, I’d remembered more vocab than I thought which is promising. Had to pay the rest of the course fees, so wasn’t a NSD, but that’s okay. I am definitely going to sign up for level 1 course to follow on from this one, which is £500 including exam fees, but definitely worth it for my own professional development.

Tomo should be a NSD. I’m going to campus and meeting a colleague for lunch, but I’m going to take in my own food. 

Hope everyone/anyone reading this is well! I’m knackered and it’s not even Wednesday… I could definitely do with another week off. It’s going to be a long semester and the count down to my holiday in the sun mid-May is well and truly on! 

Flick85

Had a really difficult day at work today. The type of day that makes me question why I put myself through this because our work environment is so difficult sometimes. Everyone is stressed and on edge, and the result is that people aren’t always kind to each other.

Today, a senior colleague took that too far and was really awful to me. They’re known for being a difficult person, and I’ve always tried to give them the benefit of the doubt but I feel like this is last straw territory for this particular person. So, I’ve emailed my manager for a meeting because the current situation is not sustainable and something needs to change. Unfortunately I think the only thing that can change is me stepping back from a specific project to protect myself and my own fragile sanity from their behaviour. I’ll have to suck it up for this year, but from next year I am clear that I can’t continue working with them on this particular project. So, we shall see how that goes. 

Trying to remember that I can’t control how other people behave, but I can control what projects I’m involved in, to an extent. It’s difficult as I want to be involved in the work and I don’t want to fall out with this person as that would have big future consequences, but I also don’t want to work closely with someone who can be so mean when I’m genuinely just trying my best. 

I have vented to a couple of friends and feel a bit better than when I was pathetically crying in my office. But, it’s the sort of day where I really just wish I had someone about to give me a hug. Or buy me some chocolate (or alcohol!) to cheer me up! I know I’m not going to sleep tonight because my brain will ruminate on how awful a person I must be to be treated like this. Therapy next week is going to be interesting!

Anyways, I have resisted the temptation to spend money to make me feel better tho and instead I’ve eaten the last of the Christmas chocolate. Didn’t have the energy/enthusiasm to cook properly, but beans on toast is sufficient. And, so all in all it’s been a non-spend day. So, at least that’s a positive.

Flick85

Another not great day, but my manager is helping out with this situation now at least. I think that at some point there’s going to be some long term fallout from some decisions I’ve made about how to handle things going forwards and it’s making me quite anxious. But, will just have to see what happens I guess.

Aside from the drama I managed to do some decent teaching prep, although there’s still a very long way to go with that before semester 2 starts. Definitely in a “lull before the storm” phase right now!

I’ve successfully had a NSD though, so that’s a positive. Tomorrow will be spendy - I’m going to have to get some petrol, and probably some de-icer as I’m very low. The cleaners are coming in for the first post Xmas clean - yay! And I think I’m going to buy lunch on campus as well because I’ve run out of dhal and don’t feel like cooking tonight. Taking dhal for lunch has worked out pretty well though, so I’ll make more this weekend for next week. 

I’ve also done a couple of prolific studies this evening. It all adds up, but I think I’m going to save cashing out until I hit £50.

Flick85

Yesterday ended up being a complete write off. No sleep, and a terrible migraine, meant I called in sick to work and cancelled the cleaners. Can’t even say it’s a NSD because I played the lottery. Ah well.

Feeling a bit more human today. Might try and get some gardening done though it’s very cold out. Otherwise it’s a day for household tasks, tidying, cleaning and laundry.

I’ve made a meal plan for next week and I think I should be able to get away with only doing a very small shop this week - only ginger and pitta bread on the list so far, but if I make tuna pasta bake tomorrow I won’t need those for a few days. So today should actually be a NSD. Saving up the pennies for my weekend in London at the end of the month :-)

Flick85

Successful NSD yday, but it was too cold to get out in the garden unfortunately.

Went out with the local walking group today, and it was pretty good. I’m so awkward with people I don’t know and rubbish at small talk, but I did okay I think. Spent £3.90 on a coffee but it was very cold and totally worth it.

Feeling very anxious about work tomo. We’ve got an all staff dept meeting which means I’ll probably have to see the colleague I’ve had a falling out with and I just don’t want to deal with it. My mental health/illness hasn’t flared this badly in years. I should prob go to the doctors but I really don’t want to go back on meds as I’ve never felt they actually help me. What would help is an actual diagnosis of AuDHD and medication for the latter, but that’s not available in my location unless you’re in a crisis. And though I’d say I was close to crisis-territory last week, I think I’ve just about ridden this wave… unless something else triggers another episode. Hmz.

I really need to get off my butt and cook up something for lunches this week. Was supposed to be at the cinema tonight, but I don’t fancy driving into the city in this cold fog and at least that’s some money saved.

I’m definitely going to have to get some work milk, petrol and de-icer tomo, but other than that, there’s nothing else I need to spend money on. So, that’s a fairly low cost, essentials-only day. Will need to do a small grocery shop after work on evening this week. But, shouldn’t be much at all as I’m still getting through stocks in the cupboards and freezer. Might even be able to get away with spending <£50 at the supermarket this month, which would be unheard of for me! 

RedLipstick

I've been looking forward to hearing about the walk, so glad you've went and enjoyed the time! Any plans for the next meet?

Have you given slow cooker some thoughts? I've been cooking lovely stews, curry, bolognaise, etc and it's so low effort and always comes out amazing, most of the time it's just meat, veggies and herbs, some chicken/beef/red wine stock. I can eat at home, freeze, or take to work. I'm saving a lot of money too, I used to go to the shops every second day

Tomorrow sounds challenging, hope it goes well for you! x Don't know if that helps, but in some stressful situations I tend to think of the short/long term impact, if there is no long term impact I just try to stop stressing and move on. Also things you can or cannot control and all that. Stay strong! x

Cara_

I've just read through your diary. Your garden plans sound lovely and once you have the borders and lawn planted, it will be a sanctuary for you. 

I'm sorry you are going through a difficult time at work and I hope you are able to relax this evening. Good luck for your meeting tomorrow.

LzzyIsGod

Hope work wasn't too challenging today - hoping that the worry before hand was worse than it actually was for you