Fresh Start At Fox Towers.

Cherryfudge

It's really useful to see it spelled out like this. I identify as autistic with ADHD (not a formal diagnosis though I've been offered assessment due to high scoring on a formal scale) and I think the whole thing about 'rules' is key for me. By this I mean expectations, or what I perceive as being expectations. So if I'm told to do a job, I won't see the shortcuts, but the whole thing, so I'm stressed if I don't feel I can do it all. That's compounded by the desire to be accepted/liked: 'If I do as I'm told they will like me more'.

So there can be a lot of pressure in neurodiversity from our internalised expectations (sometimes compounded by lack of clarity in the way others communicate), and the whole thing about feeling marginalised anyway and the constant battle and extra energy expended in just trying to keep up. And of course, a neurodiverse person may also have hyper or hypo sensitivity to sensory stimuli, so they might be battling with environments that are too quiet or noisy, too bright or dark, etc. which just makes it harder.

Then again, with ADHD the person may have rejection sensitive dysphoria, so any perceived transgression of the rules/norms/expectations really totally throws them.

So I absolutely agree about that pressure to be 'normal'. 

dreaming

@foxandflowers - I'm glad I posted if it has given you some food for thought. DD has found that since she recognised the problem and got her diagnosis it has helped to curb the impulsivity and in fact she is now almost as compulsive about budgetting as she was about spending .
 @Cherryfudge - DD is also a "big picture" thinker and finds she can easily become overwhelmed as she cannot do anything by halves. She is trying to learn how to break tasks down but it doesn't come easily to her. She is extremely hyper-sensitive to noise which has caused problems in the past due to open-plan offices. Since her diagnosis she has tried to put into place some things to help her, and tries to be open with people about it, although whilst most people have been understanding there are some who can't or don't understand her requests for communication via email preferably (so ring her or just turn up in her office unexpectedly with often a minor question). She also likes very direct, almost blunt, communication and finds the social chit-chat of many workplaces bewildering (although she is great fun in a planned social setting).

foxandflowers

I actually think a lot of my purchases have come from the desire to fit in. Especially when it comes to clothes; my style has changed so much over the years and that has definitely come from a place of wanting to fit in with my peers. Recently I have decided that it doesn't really matter how I dress as long as it is smart enough to work for the smart-casual thing at the office, and comfortable enough to not set off my sensory issues, and most importantly that I like it and feel good in it. Trouble is that has now led me to buying things that make me happy, mostly second-hand, and quite regularly. So that has to stop. I have lots of thrifted beautiful clothes and the ones that no longer serve me can go. Maybe I ought to consider doing project333 or something, to make sure I am actually using what I own. 

I recently unpacked all the summer clothes I put away last summer, and either I have put weight on, or my style has evolved or both so there is very little I am keeping there. I thought when I put it away that would be smart, but it was just sort of a waste of space. 

foxandflowers

Hi everyone - update time! 

Amazon delivered me a double mattress instead of a shed (would only happen to me). I complained and they gave me money off, second time round shed should be arriving tomorrow. Used the "free money" to buy 2 saucepans and a sautee pan for the kitchen, and a proper sports bra and running shorts. It's nice to have pans with lids! The sautee pan is HUGE though, not sure if I will keep it. 

We went to Lincoln last week to visit SIL and she very kindly gifted me an old Apple watch, which I've been using to track steps/runs. It's been fab, as I don't tend to pick my phone up when I'm running around the house so it looks like I do less than 1k steps a day on a non-run / WFH day, but now it is tracking it properly. 

We also came back with a puppy... I know what I said, but apparently I was wrong. It's been a delight having a dog in the house again, despite the nibbling. We are crate training him which is going beautifully, and he had his second jabs yesterday so will be ready for walks next week. Mr Fox has agreed we can feed cold-pressed raw instead of fresh so costs are down to about £55 a month when fully grown for food, plus vet plan (£20) and insurance (£15). All accounted for and there is room in the budget for him. He is a joy. 

Mr Fox and I are going on a health kick from Monday. I've tipped the scales at 11 stone, which is close to the heaviest I have ever been, and I don't want to keep going on an upwards trajectory. Lots more salads, lots less junk food. Takeaways are banned! Apps deleted, sights firmly set on being a more comfortable weight by the summer holidays.

Budgeting wise - I had £70 left at the end of this month, and have sent it all to one debt. For some reason my JDW account has lowered my credit limit to 0, but is still reporting my balance of over £800 to the credit agencies, and won't default my account. So my new plan is just to whack what I have left each month to this debt until it is gone, and obviously pay Stepchange. Once this month's payment clears we will be under 25k of debt. Woo! 

Emergency fund is at £2,500. I am so much more at peace knowing we have savings.

Love, 
Fox.

kayannie

I won't criticise your new purchase, as I know how much joy they bring to a family! What breed is he? 
KA

wantabetterlife

Was all the debt not supposed to be cleared with the sale of the house? 

foxandflowers

@kayannie - another English Bull Terrier.
@wantabetterlife - we still have money in a debt repayment pot but are waiting 6 months before round 2 of offering F&F settlements, as the outstanding debts are ones that would not negotiate. They aren't accruing interest as they are all with Stepchange. In the meanwhile, I am happy to chip away at them and get them down on my own schedule.

Monzo have offered me both a credit card and overdraft facility. I can only assume this means my credit rating is improving as things are being paid off. I am actually not tempted by it. So that's nice. I don't want to spend money that isn't mine and if I can't afford it, I shouldn't be having it anyway. 

Our shed finally arrived - and will be put up this week by Mr Fox and Stepson over the Bank Holiday. I've got so many things to put on Vinted and sort through from the unit that its beyond a joke at this point and part of me is tempted to just take it all to the charity shop and be done with it. We went to pick up roller skates and a scooter for Mini Fox off FB Marketplace yesterday (£20) - unfortunately the scooter is too small! So it will have to go back up. She is desperate for one, so the hunt continues. She's also had a huge growth spurt so I've raided her savings pot to buy her some clothes from Next - unfortunately some of it is too big! So that will be returned tomorrow and re-ordered in the right size. It's hard to find clothes that she likes and is comfortable wearing, that don't also make her look scruffy. I sewed header tape by hand onto my bedroom curtains yesterday so they close comfortably now - feeling very proud that I made them infinitely more functional cheaply rather than buying new ones. At some point I ought to buy and sew in backing fabric, but that is not a now problem. 

I've been binge watching Hoarders in between puppy naps - its very motivating to clean and declutter! I cannot believe the conditions some of these people live in. It's fascinating, and also incredibly tragic. 

Love, 

Fox. 

Sunshine_girl2

Hi F&F , not sure how old your daughter is but my GD favours H&M stuff . What type of dog did you get ? 

foxandflowers

Hi @Sunshine_girl2 we don't have a H&M locally, so I use Next as I can return in store on days I am in work and they will also refund delivery fee. She will be 11 this year and its a difficult age, plus added sensory difficulties. We've settled on cycling shorts/leggings with oversized t-shirts, plus a couple of tracksuits if cold, and then one "nice" outfit if we go out. Also sells on well on Vinted. We got an English Bull Terrier - he is 11 weeks old tomorrow. He is mostly black and white, with brindle patches on his legs and cheeks, and his favourite things to do at the moment is eat carrots and sunbathe.

My new-to-me Teva sandals arrived today just in time for the nice weather we are having. They are a pinky-purple and orange colour and cost me £4. 

I have always backed my photos up via Google photos, and they have a new auto-sort feature. Under 'Collections' is a category called 'Documents' and one of the sub-categories is Screenshots... I have over 25,000 in that folder. Time to get deleting whilst dog naps!!

Dinner tonight will be YS Steak pie, sweet potato mash & green beans. Hoping for a NSD. Am not counting bills or transport costs, but aiming for 10 NSDs in this pay period. 

foxandflowers

I have been a good Fox today. I am reading the Not buying it! 2015 thread when it is quiet at work and it's very inspiring. I went to Next on lunch to do my returns, and looked at the pretty things and didn't buy any. My collection wasn't ready, but I left and will go back tomorrow to get it, and return the incorrect sizes next week. 
I wandered into a charity shop after, as I am on the hunt for the ACOTAR books. Found two lovely knitted M&S jumpers, and I put them back. Even though they were in my favourite colours, and my size. I didn't want to justify spending £13 from my personal spends. I will think about it tonight, particularly the variegated purple heather cable knit, and decide if it was an impulse, or if it is a jumper I will actually wear.

I went to B&M and got a scrub daddy replacement, a dual sided scrubbing pad for my counters and some hedgehog tumble dryer balls (the wool ones are really static generating which puts me into sensory hell) and peppercorns to refill my grinder. Total cost = £7.30. Mr Fox is coming to pick me up from work, and we are off to Lidl to do the weekly meal planned food shop. I just need to write the list for it before leaving work. Budget for this, removing B&M spends is £70.60. I will also need to go to Co-op for teabags (£2.10). That will leave me £20 in the food budget for the week, and I'm hoping to not dip into it. 

There is home made fudge in tupperware, and lemon and cream cheese frosting cupcakes in the fridge. I will try and do flapjacks this week, and maybe some pecan puff biscuits. 

I will be back tomorrow to report. I am going to buy my train ticket tonight, and hopefully have a NSD tomorrow.