Self managed DMP HELP

System

This discussion was created from comments split from: DMP mutual support thread part 13 !!.

miumius

Hey everyone,

lurker here! Been taking a lot of solace from reading through these pages and am definitely ready to fully embark upon my own self managed DMP. 

For these CCs and loans below, I have stopped all payments and cancelled DD. I have been getting quite a few phone calls but haven't had any letters through the post. It's my understanding from reading the thread here that I just hold out any communication until they default which could take some time. 

Private rent has gone up nearly £400 within 2 years and the cost of living has decimated my little life with three children and this has become very unmanageable. The last twelve months has just been one thing after another of appliances breaking, etc etc and I just can't manage all these high interest rates and payments anymore. 

I am up to date on all priority bills so the roof remains over the head and children warm. 

Capital One £2884.30

Virgin £2461

Newday £3440.09

Argos Card £1114.68

Tesco loan £5197.00

Exhusband loan £3935.17

This is the trickiest one for me to navigate as for many years we have been good co parents and everything has been amicable up until fairly recently. 

Part of my financial difficulty involves our children really as our eldest is now being homeschooled due to his mental health and I've had to heavily reduce my hours to homeschool him myself for the time being during GCSE's.  

In addition to this, my ex has been found to have been underpaying his child maintenance for quite some time due to not being honest about his salary (we had an amicable private arrangement based on the government child maintenance calculator) Now that CMS have done their own checks it is a wildly different amount and I am unable to account for the years it's not correct as we had a private arrangement. 

For this loan, I accept he lent it in kind during Covid years for extra costs that came up, but I really cannot be paying £300 a month to him right now especially due to circumstances. On the one hand it's the worst feeling and I want it gone, and on the other I'm quite angry about it which is neither here or there regarding how to deal with it I'm just venting a bit on that! 

Question is, how does a self managed DMP work for this type of scenario? He will be angry enough to pursue it, I'm just not sure where I stand with this one or the best way forward. Should I tell him I'm entering a self managed DMP and offer a smaller amount until such time I can afford to pay more?

2021rdsunshine

As far as the self managed DMP is concerned it seems that you’re doing all the right things. Make sure your bank account is not connected to any of your creditors and definitely ignore communication until they default the debts. 

As per your ex husband’s loan, is the debt solely on his name? Ideally you would maintain an amicable relationship as you have children involved. However, if he knowingly underpaid child maintenance, he actually owes you money as well. You might have an idea how much he should have paid you and since when. I would suggest that you try and work out how much that is and then try an amicable conversation where you can explain that your financial situation is difficult and that you are willing to pay the difference between what you owe him and what he owes you. In reality the sooner that debt is out of the equation the better. That’s the way I would approach it anyway.  You are going for a self managed DMP so it’s really your choice how you want to proceed with that debt. 

Grumpelstiltskin

Can we just be clear the ex husband loan exactly what is it? 

A loan from a loan company?

If so in who's name?

Did he lend you the money? If so what for?

miumius

It’s a loan from him from his own money to help with some unexpected car bills and a flight needed for our kids to get back to our home country to see family. The amount was larger but I have been paying £300 a month for awhile now. 

miumius

As for the child maintenance, I don’t know when his salary changed, and it’s to the tune of a difference between 70k what he told me he was making and now CMS are involved he makes 100k but I don’t know when that changed. 

The amicable nature broke down for reasons. It to do with money so I fear that’s irreparable at the moment anyways. 

miumius

When I broached it previously about money he’s owing he argued the loan is separate from child maintenance and didnt want to conflate the two. He intimidates me so I left it at that till I could think about it. 

Grumpelstiltskin

OK So the children are your and your husbands, so he should have paid something towards the car and flights.

If he is intimidating you that is abuse, you should at least contact Woman's Aid and don't be frightened of him.

If you stopped paying him what evidence could he produce that he loaned you the money? My guess none.

miumius

He could produce an agreement via email of me accepting the loan pay back amounts we worked out. 

I realise now how bad it’s been and was happy to accept help as it was necessary for the children however it’s kept me under his thumb still and I’d like to just get out of this debt overall but don’t know how to deal with him regarding a dmp and want to know what his recourse is. 

Ideally I offer him a lower amount each month that is manageable just not sure how this works with a person rather than a company since he won’t default of course 

miumius

As communication broke down around March, that’s when I suggest CMS deal with the child maintenance payments so we don’t have to communicate about it - which is when they told me his salary based on his tax returns was much larger he led me to believe. I am owed no back payment from CMS they’ve said since we had a private arrangement. 

Grumpelstiltskin

Like I said I don't think he has anything that would stand up in court, but you need to try and get away from his abuse before you stop paying him, just tell him you can't afford to pay what he wants but you will pay a token amount.

Start here.  What is domestic abuse? - Women’s Aid