Am I weird for being a complete and utter loner?

[Deleted User]

Since about the age of 12 I have not desired any friendships in my life and actively took steps to avoid social situations. I don't have anxiety or anything I just don't like spending time with other people.

For my entire teenage years I isolated myself in school and just spent my break times in the computer science department learning to program. Then after school I would sit in my bedroom all day playing video games and learning programming. 

So from the age of 12 to 18 I basically had next to no social exposure, but strangely my social skills didn't really seem to suffer. I could still hold down a conversation with people and "hang out", I just didn't enjoy doing it. 

I went to uni and while there I did socialise with the other students in my accommodation but I never went out clubbing or drinking or any of that. I'd prefer to stay in my room playing video games and stuff while they were all enjoying pre drinks getting ready for a night out. 

I'm 35 years old now and I don't have a single friend whatsoever, my whatsapp contact lists consists entirely of about 4 people, 3 of which are my higher ups at work and the other one is someone I sometimes give a lift to work.

I've never had a girlfriend, never kissed a girl and I have absolutely no desire to get a girlfriend. Whenever I'm thinking about my future and the plans I have, the idea of having friends, a family, children, a wife etc literally doesn't even enter my thought process. Whenever I hear small children being loud in public it makes me cringe and I hate it, I don't hate children per se, but the thought of having my own children would be a living nightmare.

So basically my life consists of me going to work, coming home, playing video games, watching tv shows, movies and working on personal software projects and just enjoying life. I have a cat and a dog which I love dearly and they are all I need to be happy.

I know I'm going to grow old and be completely alone and that's totally fine with me, it doesn't bother me in the slightest. 

Sometimes when I'm out and about and see people my age with young children I just think it must be horrible to have that kind of burden in your life. An 18+ year commitment, a massive financial obligation and for what? So you have someone to sit by your bedside when you're dying? 

I understand people have children because they want to but why do so many people not understand that some people don't want children or a wife / family simply because they don't want to? 

Sorry for the late night rant but it seems that so many people think that if you don't want friends or a family and don't follow societies expectations of what a "normal" life looks like, you're some kind of weirdo.

marcia_

[Deleted User] said:

Since about the age of 12 I have not desired any friendships in my life and actively took steps to avoid social situations. I don't have anxiety or anything I just don't like spending time with other people.

For my entire teenage years I isolated myself in school and just spent my break times in the computer science department learning to program. Then after school I would sit in my bedroom all day playing video games and learning programming. 

So from the age of 12 to 18 I basically had next to no social exposure, but strangely my social skills didn't really seem to suffer. I could still hold down a conversation with people and "hang out", I just didn't enjoy doing it. 

I went to uni and while there I did socialise with the other students in my accommodation but I never went out clubbing or drinking or any of that. I'd prefer to stay in my room playing video games and stuff while they were all enjoying pre drinks getting ready for a night out. 

I'm 35 years old now and I don't have a single friend whatsoever, my whatsapp contact lists consists entirely of about 4 people, 3 of which are my higher ups at work and the other one is someone I sometimes give a lift to work.

I've never had a girlfriend, never kissed a girl and I have absolutely no desire to get a girlfriend. Whenever I'm thinking about my future and the plans I have, the idea of having friends, a family, children, a wife etc literally doesn't even enter my thought process. Whenever I hear small children being loud in public it makes me cringe and I hate it, I don't hate children per se, but the thought of having my own children would be a living nightmare.

So basically my life consists of me going to work, coming home, playing video games, watching tv shows, movies and working on personal software projects and just enjoying life. I have a cat and a dog which I love dearly and they are all I need to be happy.

I know I'm going to grow old and be completely alone and that's totally fine with me, it doesn't bother me in the slightest. 

Sometimes when I'm out and about and see people my age with young children I just think it must be horrible to have that kind of burden in your life. An 18+ year commitment, a massive financial obligation and for what? So you have someone to sit by your bedside when you're dying? 

I understand people have children because they want to but why do so many people not understand that some people don't want children or a wife / family simply because they don't want to? 

Sorry for the late night rant but it seems that so many people think that if you don't want friends or a family and don't follow societies expectations of what a "normal" life looks like, you're some kind of weirdo.

 No you are not weird, you are satisfied with your own company and plenty of people are and that's ok. 

 Would only be weird if you were not happy with your life but avoiding it anyway 

jackieblack

Everybody is different and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that.

Unfortunately, there are many people who can’t understand why not everyone wants the same thing/the same things as them, but if you’re happy with your lifestyle, why worry what anyone else thinks?

sammyjammy

Society has made you think there is something wrong with you, I am 52 single and without children and couldn't be happier.  Three adorable cats.  I do love my family but don't see them often as they all live 300 miles away, or should i say I live 300 miles away from all of them !!!  They would be too much for me, they would probably visit without checking, just knock on the door and expect to be greeted warmly.  Horrifying for me.

Live your life how you want to live it, don't be ashamed and don't worry about what others think.

Pollycat

If you're happy, just ignore what other people say or think.

LightFlare

You do you

If it’s makes you happy and content with life, that’s all that counts

What other people think is unimportant 

(I am somewhat in the middle of the OP, so whilst married and kids, I have very few people I would class as friends, I hate socialising and enjoy my own company- happy as it is - other people are over-rated, they just need attention and cause drama 😉 )

oldernonethewiser

You live your life and others live theirs.

No need to concern yourself as long as you are happy.

Never thought of children as a burden or as bedside companions when dying but then we are all different

carly

If you're happy I see no problem.   
Why do things that you dislike just to fit in with other peoples ideas of "normal".
I don't like large noisy parties, dancing in public or being the centre of attention.  
The day I elected to no longer do these things was very liberating and a weight off my shoulders after many years of feeling obliged to participate due to other peoples' pressures.
Live your own life, not someone elses, you only get one.

booneruk

Some of the OPs story is very similar to my situation. I've been living alone since my early 20s and have since become extremely comfortable in my own company. So much so in fact that it became something of a major issue with ex girlfriends!

I used to worry I wasn't following the expected script of life, in fact it did leave me rather frustrated in my late 20s. However, I'm now more accepting of it. No one needs to follow a life script.

elsien

I am just wondering why you’ve posted the question. 
What is it you want to achieve? 

You don’t seem as if you feel the need to get validation for your choices given that you say you’re happy with them, so unless I’m missing something, I’m not really sure what it is you’re looking for? 

sk2402005

Im a lot like you, but i have managed to navigate life in a bit more of a "normal" way, i have a wife and son, but i absolutly hate socialising, i detest family parties etc, i very much prefer my own company.

I get every little in the way of enjoyment from anythign at all, but i just go about my day doing all the normal.

My son has been diagnosed with Autism, and i see a lot of myself in him - online tests suggests that i am but im not formally diagnosed - i do suspect you may well have a level of Autism too.