Advice needed with ex husband's behaviour

Picnic8105

I'm looking for some advice about how to tackle an ongoing situation with my ex husband and his behaviour towards me and the inevitable impact on our children. 

I separated from my ex husband two years ago, primarily because of his behaviour towards me in the marriage. We have two children together (now aged 6 and 2). We sold our house last year as part of the divorce, and as a result I moved back home (250 miles away from him) and I am living with my mum and my children until I can get back on my feet financially and get our own place again. 

My ex husband's behaviour escalated hugely after separating and it was honestly terrifying as he was so angry and out of control. His anger was directed at me but inevitably the children got caught up in it and he would regularly use them as collateral damage. We ended up with Cafcass and went to court to agree on a contact agreement. Our agreement is simply that the boys live with me and spend half of the school holidays and half terms with their dad and half with me. Everything that was agreed was on the understanding that the needs of the children are priority and these needs would change over time. 

My ex husband insists on video calling the children every single evening and has done this since we separated. Recently (the last couple of weeks in particular) my eldest hasn't wanted to speak to his dad on the calls which his dad is becoming increasingly angry about. I want to be seen to be enabling communication with the children and their dad but I'm now concerned about crossing a line where my eldest is ending up distressed every single evening because of the calls. At the most recent swap over of the children in October half term my ex husband verbally abused me in front of the them and it's really been since then that my eldest has not wanted to communicate with his dad. As mentioned above, my ex husband is getting angrier and angrier each evening that the children don't want to talk to him and is now using the calls to verbally abuse me.

He said last night that "they" wanted to section him a few days ago. I don't know who "they" are but I'm assuming a mental health team as he does have quite serious mental health issues. I'm now seriously concerned about my children going to him for a week in the Christmas holidays; if he is on the verge of being sectioned then I'm worried about their welfare. 

I would be so appreciative of any help and advice. I can't break the court order but how can I send my children 250 miles away when his behaviour is so volatile and manic? I have to limit communication with him as much as I can to protect myself, so I keep him blocked on my phone and just unblock for the nightly calls, but what can I do if he is now using the calls to abuse me? I don't know who is best to talk to and where to go from here.

KxMx

As the agreement was made through the courts, and you have new concerns about the welfare of the children, I would speak to Cafcass.

I personally would hang up on the calls when he gets abusive, after giving him a warning that you will do so if he continues. 
Are you able to record the calls for evidence, if it might be needed in future? 
Even if not admissable in court it could be good for your peace of mind to have proof. 

T.T.D

You have priority parenting, you have the duty to protect them from witnessing such abuse.

You can Violate the order to protect the children from Domestic Violence:

Record all his calls save all his texts and then 
I would approach the police about his verbal abuses of you and have them documented asap!

I would refuse contact temporarily for now this is for their mental health and wellbeing and prevention of witnessing verbal abuse to their mum.
I would then be going to court for a variation of the current court order to shift contact from what it is now to supervised visitation to a specialised centre somewhere half way between yourselves and have him barred from calling you or the children.

I would also be seeking that Cafcass’s involved again for a risk assessment of his mental health a psychiatric evaluation (pay half each) and this impact of it on the children and what steps can you Cafcass and court can do to minimise the risk of his negativity and abuse towards you. 

It certainly sounds as though he is not well.

squirrelchops2

It is unlikely CAFCASS will get involved as the case with them has closed.

My view - get an emergency C100 in to court to ask for a variation in contact. You can do this yourself, you don't need a solicitor. Yes you could also stop contact if you believe there to be safeguarding issues but doing it properly and above board will be the best way. You can put in your application that you are seeking contact to be supervised and refusing overnight stays until such time you know your ex is well and the children will be safe.

 CAFCASS won't do any type of investigation or assessment unless directed by the Court. 

T.T.D

squirrelchops2 said:

It is unlikely CAFCASS will get involved as the case with them has closed.

My view - get an emergency C100 in to court to ask for a variation in contact. You can do this yourself, you don't need a solicitor. Yes you could also stop contact if you believe there to be safeguarding issues but doing it properly and above board will be the best way. You can put in your application that you are seeking contact to be supervised and refusing overnight stays until such time you know your ex is well and the children will be safe.

 CAFCASS won't do any type of investigation or assessment unless directed by the Court. 

Considering Cafcass what involved previously and the situation has worsened it highly likely court will instruct another assessment. It’s inconceivable that it won’t happen.

squirrelchops2

T.T.D said:

squirrelchops2 said:

It is unlikely CAFCASS will get involved as the case with them has closed.

My view - get an emergency C100 in to court to ask for a variation in contact. You can do this yourself, you don't need a solicitor. Yes you could also stop contact if you believe there to be safeguarding issues but doing it properly and above board will be the best way. You can put in your application that you are seeking contact to be supervised and refusing overnight stays until such time you know your ex is well and the children will be safe.

 CAFCASS won't do any type of investigation or assessment unless directed by the Court. 

Considering Cafcass what involved previously and the situation has worsened it highly likely court will instruct another assessment. It’s inconceivable that it won’t happen.

I agree but I was replying more to the other reply that said to speak to CAFCASS. You can't just ring up CAFCASS this long after the original order was made and get them to assess. As you have said the Court needs to instruct further assessment.