Adulting my way into 2025!

lizzie_b

Well, I certainly lost my way with this diary didn't I 

A lot has changed since this started in January, I've managed to pay down a small amount of the debt and built up a very small savings pot.  

I am now facing a separation from my sons dad so need a big push to get my finances (and everything else) in order, because 2026 is going to see some huge changes, some battles, and a rollercoaster of emotions, but also a much needed fresh start for all involved.

So I'm back here with the hopes I can learn how to do this single parenting on a very small income, without the unbelievable mum guilt that comes from turning my sons world upside down finishing me of completely!

Taffy9264

Your son could list some of his stuff on Vinted like grown out of toys to give him some extra money for Xmas, this time of year they will get snapped up I'm sure.

I read the earlier post about the 15 mins clean up, I used to have a kettle boil clean up, funny but when you realise that the cups can all be washed in that amount of time i that it takes to make a coffee  doesn't seem so bad, could your son at least take out the bins for you? I don't mean to be rude but we have to be careful that we are not producing the next generation of man babies!

I used to have a fussy eaters, one week I was BROKE and we were eating things like pasta with brown sauce (yes it was that bad) I told all my kids if you do not want to eat it, you can make yourself some toast, from that day I never had another meltdown because they knew the answer, go and make your own toast. Two years later they had dislikes but not to the point where I was making three different meals every day.

Working_Mum

hey lizzie_b good to see you back - I am so sorry 2025 has been a tough one for you but if you read your posts back I feel certain that you had a deep inner "knowing" you'd be where you are now at some point.

The good news is that you have shown you can make a difference to your circumstances - you have paid off your debt and the strategies you used to work that plan will help you as you step into your future.

My marriage broke down in 2009 - I realised, in retrospect, I gave myself until Christmas to feel sorry for myself & stop reeling from the shock, get onto solid ground and then I put my girl pants on and made a plan for  2010 onwards. I did a big mind map of how I wanted my future to look - behaviours I wanted to emulate, goals I wanted to achieve, things I needed to do and then I measured every single action I took against this map - I asked myself the question "is what I am about to do going to take me towards or away from this life I want" - if it was taking me towards it then I did it if it wasn't I really challenged my thinking and decided IF it was the right move. By taking a bit of time to breathe and respond (rather than react) I saved myself lots of future shame about poor reactive behaviours which exacerbated rather than healed situations.

I am now 16 years on and my life is ace - I am mortgage free, debt free, have a great circle of friends, no longer have to have anything to do with my toxic ex and lead a life which is fulfilling and full of joy. It started off as hard but got easier - striving to live in the moment and enjoy everything whilst still having an eye on the future was a challenge sometimes but I am not unhappy I went through it all now. It helped shape me.

You seem a smart and articulate lady - these skills will put you good stead for your forthcoming journey. Accept help when you need it but know deep down you have all of the skills you need to build a good life for you and your son.

Good luck!

((WM))

lizzie_b

Thanks so much for the replies knowing I'm not alone here really helps alot.

I terms of the boys diet, I'm trying to get him involved much more in choosing the meals, and high school is definitely helping in varying his tastes, and his Food Tech lessons are making him eager to cook what he has learnt when he gets home too so I'm hoping that continues.

The point about him doing things around the house is a good one, and one I'll be working on with him over the next few months.  I'm guilty of doing too much for him as he's grown up, unfortunately this now means he doesn't really know what he needs to do, and I am definitely not having him grow up to be an even more useless man than his father   

@Working_Mum thankyou so much for your kind words and the story of your own experiences.  Once upon a time I viewed myself as very smart, driven and focussed, but I have definitely lost that version of myself over the years, to the point I have no idea who I am or what I'm capable of!  These next steps are to find her again, I'm making plans and prioritising myself and my son, I'm terrified of what the future looks like, but as a good friend said to me last week 'terrified is good, it gets !!!!!! done!'

So in the interest of planning, I've found myself a notebook from my stash and I'm making lists of things that need to be considered when I start looking for a new place to live after Christmas.  I've made inroads into getting my finances in order, registered for Universal Credit as a single person (still living with ex) as despite working two jobs, one of them has variable hours throughout the year, and the winter time is very quiet.  I'm obsessively watching Rightmove for properties in the areas I want to move to, and for the first time in a long time I'm actually looking forward to life

Cara_

Once upon a time I viewed myself as very smart, driven and focussed, but I have definitely lost that version of myself over the years, to the point I have no idea who I am or what I'm capable of!  These next steps are to find her again

She's still there and you'll find her. Enjoy the time getting to know yourself again and embrace the bad along with the good, because when you reach your goal, you'll look back and realise how well you have done.

for the first time in a long time I'm actually looking forward to life

This is lovely to read and I wish you luck.

bouicca21

There’s no way to sugar coat it. Breaking up is ghastly.  But, and I almost put that in capitals because it’s huge but, life after break up is great.  It will take a bit of time but that smart, driven person will reappear better than ever.  Just think - no more pandering to someone else’s needs and ego.  No more compromises. It’s not a light at the end of the tunnel, it’s a huge funky rainbow.

lizzie_b

Not much to report today, but I just wanted to pop in and say another thankyou for the lovely comments and words of encouragement, they really do mean a lot.  
We're in half term here this week, which at this time of year for me becomes quite the juggling act to strike a balance of maximising earnings in one of our busiest periods at work, and spending time with my rapidly growing, now in high school, son.  Today is a day off, but not a day off because I also have another WFH job which I need to catch up on too.
I've been writing lists of various things to consider moving forward in terms of things I want vs things I'll need, what I'll be looking for in a new property, bills I'll need to pay.  I'm feeling very positive.
Sadly the scariest part is still to come as so far our son does not know about the separation, and I fear it will hit him hard being an only child.  I just need to keep telling myself that in the long run its the right decision and that he will be ok.

lizzie_b

I actually cannot believe we're into November already, I have no idea where the last 12 months have gone! Is this a side effect of living in survival mode for so long, that you don't even notice the days/weeks/months flying by?
With the boy back to school today and my out of the home job beginning to wind down to winter hours I'm finding myself with a little more time on my hands to get myself organised and make a plan for Christmas and beyond.

I have some crafting I want to work on and get uploaded to etsy for a bit of extra income
I need to write a Christmas shopping list as I've got a couple of shopping days planned in the next few weeks, and I would like to be mostly done before December 1st
Some outside cleaning tasks need to be completed (but not today as the weather is wet, windy and just generally disgusting)
So I'm off to find my Christmas Planner and get my admin job completed before the afternoon school run.

Feeling very proud of my new positive outlook

Blackcats

You deserve to be proud of yourself.  Your MSE virtual chums are cheering you on!