Adulting my way into 2025!

EssexHebridean

As a starting point with the housework side of things, set a timer for 15 minutes - yep, just 15 minutes. Grab a bin bag, then start in the room you are in and put anything that is clearly rubbish straight in that bag. Go to the next room and do the same. Empty bins as you go. Work through the house just doing that one task, and when the timer goes off that is you done for the time being - stop what you are doing, empty the bag into the main rubbish bin/wheely bin and go and do something else for a while. 

The idea is that 15 minutes isn't overwhelming, and that focusing on a single task saves getting sidetracked. Starting with the rubbish clearance means that at least some "decks get cleared" and makes it easier to move on. You can also apply the 15 minute approach to things like clearing clutter - the way I do that tends to be to either just focus on a single spot - so a table, or a section of kitchen worktop, or by starting with a single item which is not in the location it should be. Pick it up, put it where it belongs, then from that spot, look for the next item and repeat. Always though, when the timer goes off, you stop for a while and do something "nicer". Your brain then starts to learn that 15 minutes of doing a "not nice" task gets rewarded with a treat of a more fun activity, and also that 15 minutes is not only not very long, but is also long enough to make an impact. 

Starting now, also try to "clean as you go" - so a quick swish round of a sink after using, wiping up crumbs or ensuring that post goes straight in the pile for filing, of shredding, or whatever, or better still, immediately gets shredded or whatever is required! (not always achievable) It takes seconds at the time, whereas turns into a bigger job is left to accumulate. 

lizzie_b

EssexHebridean said:

Starting now, also try to "clean as you go" - so a quick swish round of a sink after using, wiping up crumbs or ensuring that post goes straight in the pile for filing, of shredding, or whatever, or better still, immediately gets shredded or whatever is required! (not always achievable) It takes seconds at the time, whereas turns into a bigger job is left to accumulate. 

This is I think one of the biggest downfalls here, I keep seeing the mantra of 'don't put it down, put it away' but so many things just don't have a home to be put away in, that they just take up residence where they fall!

Today I have achieved a clearout of the fridge, and three loads of laundry.  Still to do before the school run is to put away the hair tools I just used (because they do in fact have a home) and empty a gift bag that has been sitting in the same spot in the living room since the beginning of October. 

Post school run we need to start with a new routine of change out of uniform, eat a healthy snack, and do any homework and reading required as these have fallen by the wayside whilst I've been busy at work.

Tea is planned and organised so that will be easy (for the first time in ages) and free from meltdowns (for the first time in even longer)

 

otb666

I feel your pain as when working and keeping on top of housework means you are always on the go. I never really found a solution and just muddled through. I think you just have to accept you are not able to do it all.
Now retired and I love having the time to do housework. Hubby and adult child still dont help but does not bother me now I have time.  I would say dont beat yourself up trying to do it all. Time with your child is so much more important. I never really managed to get a equal divide of housework but hubby is very good with his adult children now and would not be without him. 
I always had school bags coats and shoes by the door the night before.
Rarely changed sheets or hoovered or clean oven or windows, 
MacDonalds was used often 
Supermarket shops were grab and go with no concern of costs until we eventually realised it was no good just paying minimum on credit cards all the time.
We all survived Good Luck it does not last forever.

lizzie_b

Morning one and all,
Going great guns this morning, completed all I can (for now) in my wfh job, and currently baking some treats for the weekend.  
One load of washing done and to be hung, might do a second, but the weather is grey and mizzly here today so will need to assess the drying space first.
Swim session for me at 11, so just over an hour until I need to leave for that.  Setting myself a challenge to see what I can achieve around the house in that time, starting with a bin bag and the vacuum.
Thanks for letting me have this space to check in, I'm already feeling more positive and realising I'm definitely not alone in this xx

Frith

Have you thought about contacting Women's Aid? I might be barking up the wrong tree there but, if you want him to leave, he's got to leave! 

There are also "clinics" here for free solicitor advice. 

HouseMartin567

Frith said:

Have you thought about contacting Women's Aid? I might be barking up the wrong tree there but, if you want him to leave, he's got to leave! 

There are also "clinics" here for free solicitor advice. 

Not to derail the thread, but if the house is owned 50/50 he doesn’t have to leave (unless court ordered, but from the information provided it doesn’t sound like that kind of situation).

Lizzie_b, I’m glad your morning was positive. Keep posting here for morale support and encouragement!

Frith

An occupation order was my thought but yes, not enough information to know. 

lizzie_b

Thankyou for the advice, but it is absolutely not that serious.  No violence, no abuse, just sadly no love either.  He's a good dad to our son, but not very good at much else   

lizzie_b

So after another weekend out at work, my house and my child are wearing the scars! Child off to school, two loads of washing done and out on the line for a blow before finishing off on the radiators when the heating comes on later.
Todays must do tasks are emptying the bins for bin day tomorrow, prepping for tea (no takeaways in nearly a week) and possibly some ironing if I can summon the energy.  Other than that, rest is definitely required, and any extra house tasks will be a bonus today.

lizzie_b

So it seems I went AWOL from my diary, OOPS!

Despite the best intentions, Christmas came around very quickly and caught me by surprise a little bit, for the most part it was nice, not particularly busy, but on the flipside I worked for roughly 50% of the school holidays, giving me crippling mum guilt, and leaving the house and the child wearing the scars of not only Christmas, but 2 weeks of the manchild at home 

So here I am to play catch up.

New year, same focus.  Cooking meals over picking up takeaways.  Organising my house to make it function better for me.  Clearing the small amount of debt I have (roughly £2.5K) and kicking my next account habit in the process.

I have started listing some items from the huge pile I have on vinted and have already made two sales.
Tasked the child with a weekly declutter task to get him being more aware of what he has, he's turning 11 and starting high school this year so we need to try to kick his toy hoarding habit.
Two big projects for me are my home office and my pantry both need sorting, pantry layout is currently not very functional due to its awkward shape, and my home office is a junk room/dumping ground!

Better get off my bum and get cracking, the jobs won't do themselves