Progress is...

Greying_Pilgrim

Oh sweetie - what a carp week!  

But I've counted 47, 3 things gone wrong.... so that must be it right - things come in threes, everything else must be on the up now, right?  You're home, It's the weekend, what brunch will you have?  Will you get time away from paperwork and screens?  Anything planned to do/watch or read?  

I hope you're reading this from your private jet, leaving 'it' and us all behind, coz ya 'won big' on the lottery 😁

Always feel free to rant - it's your thread, and these things are happening in your life ☹️  Even if we can't wave our wands to make things better - we are here to listen.

Take care you.

Greying X

Cherryfudge

It all sounds absolutely dreadful - especially the job and the garden. Sending hugs as I think you deserve them.

rtandon27

Well no lottery was won & no private jet plane was requisitioned!
The mood stuck with me and that was a weekend that went up in smoke.

@beanielou
 - haha that comment did make me laugh!

@themadvix
 - unfortunately, it does mean that my application goes no further, the three managers have put in 'concerns' about the process to the competition board, but I know how that goes - a big fat nowhere
- it was the clique attitude of the new people running the community garden that irritated me more than anything & yes I was famished after a long day and work & a long commute home so hangry did most definitely factor into the unpleasant country drive!

@Greying_Pilgrim
- tbh my dear, those were the 'big' three, there were more but they are petty by comparison & yes, I should have focused on weekend things, but it did not work out that way.
- I do try to focus on finance stuff as it's a mortgage-free-diary, but sometimes the tickety-boo-ness of have one's ducks in a row gets overshadowed by the carpness of things outside of one's control!

@Cherryfudge
- thank-you hunny for the virtual hugs, always appreciated!

So this weekend that went up in smoke was a bit meh from all angles...

Saturday - meant to be first day of the b-day weekend, was of course spent in pjs inside while it pee'd down outside.  We didn't go to the local brewery for hog roast as OH was not feeling it - SIGH - I guess leftovers & bao from the freezer is very MSE even if not very b-dayish

Sunday - 2nd day of b-day weekend - OH & I had a spectacular row over something utterly rubbish that came out of his mouth - he's apologized, but I'm still sulking & am struggling to extend forgiveness - we then proceeded to a seaside city to have some of the best dimsum I've had in the UK & that is amazing given that I work a short walk from Chinatown in the big smoke!  Came back via a town with an Abbey & had coffee's that were remarkably cheap in the picturesque marketplace - So cheap that I even asked if they had charged us for both!  Back home in the afternoon for a nap and then we popped out to the local grill for burgers for dinner.

So I have three days off for my bday, Mon/Tues/Wed. - not sure what we will be doing as OH is supposedly planning it (he hasn't - SIGH)

Then Thursday I'm back in the office & dreading it - difficult meeting with manager who has sent me two huge written paragraphs to justify why she is right in her micromanaging.  (Insert swear words here in whichever language seems rudest.) I then have to have lunch with her 'for my birthday' and be professional - The irony of this toxicity is not lost on me!

Moneywise - it will be 5 days of planned spending - it's been saved for & supposedly meant to be enjoyable, but really I'd rather stay in bed under the covers and wallow!

Cherryfudge

Oh no, this really doesn't sound good! Perhaps it's time to take a bit of 'sick leave' - can you self-cert for a few days? - and literally duck out of all these things while it's all going bleah? (Mental health is health, after all, and it sounds as though you need a break, not more pressure. Not even pressure to do 'nice' things.) And it can take some of us a while to simmer down and not have the shadow of the negative hanging over us.

There's no law to say you have to celebrate birthdays, or if you do, you don't have to celebrate them at the given date. But you can celebrate later, or if the birthday itself is the problem - if it ends with an unwanted zero, for instance - you don't have to make a thing of it. Or you could perhaps celebrate what you've achieved so far and are happy to have experienced, rather than the date. If DH isn't organising it, you could organise it yourself. Tell him you aren't feeling up to it and want to wait till... (whenever. Once work isn't hanging over you, once you feel more relaxed, once tickets come up for an event you'd enjoy...) Or another way to mark the date is to do something for someone or give to a cause that can't give back. It doesn't have to have a big financial impact, it's more about the giving than the gift.

As for work, has anyone been copied in to these emails? Is there someone higher up you could talk to about it? I've no way of knowing why this person micromanages and perhaps from their viewpoint it's reasonable, but if you know your job, it could be that they need someone senior to tell them to step back. As for having a birthday meal with them - if you aren't on good terms, it doesn't make sense to bring your birthday into it. In fact, it could verge on gaslighting - 'I'm a good manager, I take my staff out for birthdays'. Quite how you get out of that, I'm not sure. 'For personal reasons I would rather not', said in front of a forewarned person who will support you, is the most direct route, but not easy to deliver.

Just me thinking aloud. Please ignore if it doesn't work for you and whichever way you take it forward, I hope you have a lovely year to come! 

greenbee

Unfortunately I can't find the article (it may be on my work search history, in which case I'll share if I find it), but there's been a lot of discussion about best practice using AI for recruitment, and human validation and the ability to over ride it's decisions is important. But that's one for your management team to resolve - hopefully they'll realise that having been rejected in this way makes you a flight risk (particularly given your current manager) and do something about it. 

As for your birthday, its sounds like it would be worth rescheduling it.

teapot2

Another vote for rescheduling your b'dy celebrations till it feels right for you.

Greying_Pilgrim

I'd vote for a temporary postponement too.  You have so much going on at the moment, on a number of fronts.  Thank heavens for the serendipitous excellent coffee and scrumptious dimsum - it's great to hear that you had such enjoyable opportunities. 

Greying X

rtandon27

Good morning my lovelies & thank-you for all your words of wisdom & support!  It means the world to me that you take time out of your respective busy days to stop by the virtual kitchen and have a natter.

@Cherryfudge - my working environment by it's very nature is the epitome of pressure & I like the fast paced environment tbh, which is why I've been with this employer in two different stints for most of my working life!  What I'm struggling with is interpersonal interactions with an inexperienced senior manager who seems to think that having lunch together is a reward rather than a chore.  The shame is that I have in the past worked with this person in another context and truly enjoyed seeing her strengths and learning from them.  What bothers me is that she can be overbearing and unilateral in her communications and interactions with me, which does not sit well as we have worked for the organization for the same length of time and have the same longevity of experience.

@greenbee - oh hunny I'd love to read that article if you do find it. - I think the main reason management will do nothing in regard to poor hiring/promotion practices is that they know full well it's the benefit package that keeps most of us there.  An incredibly good pension, fabulous private healthcare & (mostly) flexible working means that in theory we can be passionate about where we work and what we do!  I not sure if flight risk would enter the picture as it is pretty hard to find a comparative overall work environment at the same type of remuneration, believe me I've been looking since this manager arrived on the scene and am mighty disappointed with what is out there in the UK!

@Cherryfudge & @greenbee & @teapot2 & @Greying_Pilgrim
On the subject of birthdays! - much as postponing would be a wise decision due to the stressors, my leave this week has been planned since January and in the books since the beginning of April.  Last minute changes do not go over well in my work environment as we need to cover for each other when someone is off!  I'm pleased to say that dearest OH has 'pulled his socks up' so to speak as I rarely get that upset with him about anything.  I'm fairly steady and calm by nature.  Day to day, I'm the chief planner and the doer, and I felt for once he could take the trouble to plan something or take clues form my 2+ week of hints to show once a year appreciation.

So day 3 of 5 day birthday was spent in the lovely town of Salisbury.  We made use of the NT membership and when to a lovely small property (Monpesson) which was focusing on all things regency.  Luckily the bluebadge parking was directly outside so saved much needed energy to have a wander round the ground floor and garden.  I wasn't up to climbing the grand staircase, so top floor will be another time!  We wanted to go to a lovely offbeat Korean place, but discovered it is shut on Mon & Tues, so found a mom&pop Japanese place instead.  It was good for homecooked 'auntie' cooking but not quite up to the usual Japanese fare that can be found around my work neigbourhood.  Wandered back slowly through an area called the maltings, full of quirky stores & a tiny bit of silver bday bling was purchased.  We then spent time in the loveliest Liquidrock bookstore enroute back to the car.  All in all a nice day.

Today is day 4 of 5 and I dressed first thing to go for a much needed walk and get a coffee.  OH actually came with me & I happily got to apply a b-day coupon to make the coffees reasonable rather than overpriced.  We also went to the one quirky store in our town but nothing could be found that struck my fancy.  I'm about to hop on a call for work (have to do this one) & have sent out a communication and chased something that is outstanding.  Will log off after the meeting and figure out what kind of fun we can have for the rest of the day. (I'm purposefully ignoring the two long annoying e-mails from Ms micro-manager as they were not part of the plan for today.)

rtandon27

Life teaches us lessons when we least expect it...

...two very good friends of ours (a fomer boss & his wife) have been in a car accident along with her sister & husband - all four in the same car - 3 are critical & 2 of those with life-threatening injuries.  We last saw our friends in November & took them to Cliveden for a wander & had a meal afterwards.  We have been making plans to see them across the pond as soon as I'm able to get on a plane.

These are two people who make the most of everyday & live every moment to the fullest.

Life is short, make the most of every minute.

Cherryfudge

How terrible about your friends in the car accident. It really does remind us that life is short and precious.

Your day is Salisbury sounds lovely. I've never been there but it sounds atmospheric so it's probably a place I'd find interesting.

Re work, the problem manager is really blighting it, isn't she? I did wonder whether she thought she was providing a treat when she schedules a meal out: she seems to have a real blindness to the effect she's having, especially bearing in mind what you say about how she communicates. As someone who identifies as autistic myself, I wonder whether this person is autistic: the hyperfocus, adherence to 'rules' and difficulty seeing where they are going wrong in communication are all things that can be found in autism. Not that this is much use to you in your circumstance, it must be a constant difficulty. Are you still going to go for the meal?