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Is this Financial Abuse?

After my divorce I was left with a court order that was not enforceable, and a huge litigation loan debt.  To pay the litigation loan debt (my solicitors organised this to pay their fees) I had to sell the house, but it was in joint names with my ex husband and he refused to consent to instructing estate agents, I had to return to court with all the expense of that, to get sole conduct of sale, I succeeded as an LIP (with solicitors acting off record, hence the additional expense) and could list the house, but when offers came in my ex rejected all of them, or did not respond.  The lawyers had long since taken their fees and run, and the litigation loan company was charging 10% compound interest on the entire loan, from the date on which the first drawdown had been made... so my interest payment was in the region of £600 A DAY.  Then the litigation loan company started repossession proceedings.  I could not sell the house as my ex would not consent to accept any offers, I went to court again, and asked the judge for permission to take over the entire mortgage (which I could just about afford) so the house could be in my sole name and I could accept offers and at last sell it. The Judge did not agree, he gave me 6 weeks to raise £218k to repay the mortgage, only then could the house be transferred into my name and I could sell it.  I had started a new relationship after the divorce and my new partner offered to lend me the £218k, he wanted to be on the deeds of the house, but this was not possible because of the litigation loan.  We made a written agreement that I would repay him from the proceeds of sale of the house.  

No date was set for when that sale would be, there was no provision for interest or for charges, he agreed to all this and had his closest friend witness the written agreement and we both signed it.  I was now in debt to him.

Prior to this the relationship had already become worrying, he had become verbally abusive, calling me a lot of names I won't mention here, texting and phoning me if I went out with my friends (most of whom are women or gay men, but he was very jealous) he had moved into my house because his flat caught fire, and lived there rent free, he wanted me to sign "invoices' he created for 'rent and board' which I now think he was using to get money from his insurers. Just before he lent me the money he said he was leaving me, he wanted me to send all the things he had left in my house to him by uber, which I did, he then became enraged, and arrived at the house,  I repeatedly told him to leave, but he was hammering on the door, creating a scene in front of the neighbours demanding to 'talk' he then trapped me in my house, refused to leave, and blocked me from leaving - I had to tell my daughter not to come home from school, but to go to a friends house, to keep her safe, I told him if he didn't leave I'd call the police, he refused to leave, so I dialled 999 he then left taking my laptop with him.  He was arrested and charged with abuse by battery and theft.  However I took pity on him, and the charges were dropped.

Fast forward, over the years he has demanded repayment of the debt, but refused to provide me with bank details, he has threatened legal action, I have made offers via lawyers, he has refused them.  I recently accepted an offer on the house, and asked my conveyancing solicitor to pay him back from the proceeds of sale. The sale is progressing - he should get his money back very soon now, but even so he is threatening, via lawyers, to bankrupt me saying he will do this even after he's been paid back.

He has used the loan to coerce me into going to his flat, while there he has locked me out on his balcony, taken my bag away from me (with my keys, phone, wallet) and threatened to throw it off the balcony, he has prevented me from leaving his flat for hours at a time, even when he's been aware I desperately needed to return to my children (who although old enough to be left alone for a couple of hours, as all of secondary school age, I did not want to leave unsupervised for longer than that) he has said that if I agree to be in a sexual relationship with him, he won't pursue the debt or he will wipe the debt off.  But right now, just weeks away from getting repaid, he is threatening me with bankruptcy, court action etc.  When he trapped me in his flat - because of the previous time, where he trapped me in my house, I recorded the whole thing, from the moment I got my bag back, and could access my phone.  I did not tell him I was recording, but I did so for my own protection.  The recording is clear, I am repeatedly asking him to allow me to leave, and he is refusing to let me, I would have had to physically fight him to get out and even if I had done that, it's unlikely I'd have succeeded.  At the end of the recording he steps away from the door for a moment and I run through it.

The thing is he lent me money, yes, he benefitted financially by moving in to my home (it was supposed to be only for 6 weeks, he didn't leave for 8 months, then moved in and out when he felt like it, when I've offered to pay him a monthly amount plus a substantial lump sum (that I got from the litigation lenders because the financial ombudsman found the loans were unfair and unaffordable) and the balance on receipt of the proceeds of sale, via my lawyers, he's refused, and come back, via solicitors demanding an amount he knows I can't pay (over £100k, with 1 week to pay it).  The terms of the written contract are that he is paid when the house is sold... that is happening, he will get his money back as soon as I complete, contracts have been exchanged, but he's still threatening me with bankruptcy.

Is this financial abuse?


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Comments

  • I forgot to say, the agreement did not allow for any interest or any other costs, just a repayment of the lump sum, but he's since written to me saying he's seeking over £300k from me, that's almost £100k more than he lent, he's also said he wants to charge interest and he is still trying to leverage his name onto he deeds of the house, so using a £200k loan to leverage a 50% interest in a property worth over a million... When we discussed changing the terms of the agreement he submitted a new agreement he'd drafted with his best friend, the one who witnessed the original agreement, I felt I had little choice but to agree, but told them both I just wanted to get some legal advice on the new contract before signing it.. He went ballistic and sent an email back saying that he was 'rescinding' the new (unsigned) agreement because I wanted to get legal advice on it.  It looks like he's had legal advice in the back ground via his best friend all along, so he did know what he was agreeing to when he signed the first contract.
  • ian1246
    ian1246 Posts: 345 Forumite
    Sixth Anniversary 100 Posts Name Dropper
    Forget financial abuse, if you have clear recordings of him trapping you that's false imprisonment. Report it to your local Police force immediately & stress the ongoing risk he poses, including the financial abuse (which he's exploiting to leverage the opportunity to pose a physical risk to you). 

    He'll be arrested and either charged & remanded to court (if sufficient evidence & a high enough risk to seek a remand) or, more likely, bailed to allow the investigation to continue. In the meantime any contact or threats from him would both breach bail conditions & likely amount to witness intimidation.

    Financial abuse is the least of your concerns in this situation, please report it!!
  • tacpot12
    tacpot12 Posts: 9,028 Forumite
    Ninth Anniversary 1,000 Posts Name Dropper
    edited 19 October 2024 pm31 2:12PM
    It's not really financial abuse, but part of your ordeal that you describe is kidnap or false imprisonment, and you should report this to the Police, ideally via a officer that is trained in domestic violence. (Call 101 and ask for an appointment with a specialist officer. Get the phone recording put onto a memory stick and take this too them.) 

    You borrowed £218k from this person and need to pay it back. You were right to seek legal advice on the new agreement. Do not sign a new agreement. You are about to be in a position to repay the money you owe them. When this money becomes available, I would recommend asking the solicitor to keep it safe for this person and to let them know that they can have a cheque or provide bank details for it to be paid over. I would recommend that you pay the solicitor the cost of their CHAPS fees for the transfer so that the person cannot complain that you are not repaying the full amount owed. The money can sit with the solicitor until they claim it, and if it is sent via cheque, the solicitor can refund the CHAPS fee or keep it if you are happy to agree this as a fee for writing a cheque.  

    If the person wants interest off you, they will have to take you to court and will have to prove to the court that you agreed to pay interest. Without an agreement saying how much the interest rate was, they will not be able to do so. I would not allow them to contact you again except via a solicitor. They sound quite dangerous. 

       
    The comments I post are my personal opinion. While I try to check everything is correct before posting, I can and do make mistakes, so always try to check official information sources before relying on my posts.
  • Brie
    Brie Posts: 13,497 Ambassador
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Photogenic Name Dropper
    I think the plans others have outlined should work for you so I won't add more on that front.

    I will say though that this is definitely financial abuse.  Anyone who does all the things that he has done while making threats about this loan that was made to you is obviously being abusive.  Or call it financial coercion.  Either way it's wrong.  Get away from him asap.
    I’m a Forum Ambassador and I support the Forum Team on Debt Free Wannabe and Old Style Money Saving boards.  If you need any help on these boards, do let me know. Please note that Ambassadors are not moderators. Any posts you spot in breach of the Forum Rules should be reported via the report button, or by emailing forumteam@moneysavingexpert.com. All views are my own and not the official line of MoneySavingExpert.

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  • I just wanted to say a heartfelt thank you to those who took the time to post replies.  I will do as you suggest and make an appointment with a specialist officer, and take the recording to the Police.

    As far as paying him back, I've always been clear I will abide by the terms of the contract and the money from the proceeds of sale of the house will go first to the Solicitor I've instructed to do the conveyance, out of this he has been instructed in writing to repay this man.  And this man has received confirmation from the conveyancing solicitor of this.  I will not see any of the money until AFTER he has been paid, I agree that some form of protection needs to be in place so he can't deny receiving it, and so he can't provide incorrect bank details, which is something he's done when I've tried to transfer money in instalments in the past - that, and the fact he was asking for instalments of £5k a month - which he and the solicitor know is unaffordable, is why he's not received any repayment so far.

    What's almost as disturbing is that this man's solicitor (who appears to specialise in computer and AI IP, not debt collection) is happy to write to me, on his behalf threatening to bankrupt me, while he must be fully aware that there are no grounds to do so.  A previous firm of solicitors engaged in the same sort of behaviour.  I did get some advice from a very experienced Solicitor via the CAB, and he helped me make my offer of a lump sum and instalments, which was rejected.  That solicitor strongly advised me against making any offer, and said I should be careful to state that the offer was not an acceptance that the contract was not binding (ie repayment on sale of the house, and not before) so I'm pretty confident that there are no grounds to pursue bankruptcy against me, the only motivation I can see, based on this is that he want's to cause as much distress as possible.  The impression I've got repeatedly is that he really doesn't want the loan repaid, once it is repaid then the noose is off my neck, and he has no excuse to communicate with me or contact me for any reason.



  • Emmia
    Emmia Posts: 4,639 Forumite
    1,000 Posts Fourth Anniversary Photogenic Name Dropper
    edited 19 October 2024 pm31 7:08PM
    I just wanted to say a heartfelt thank you to those who took the time to post replies.  I will do as you suggest and make an appointment with a specialist officer, and take the recording to the Police.

    As far as paying him back, I've always been clear I will abide by the terms of the contract and the money from the proceeds of sale of the house will go first to the Solicitor I've instructed to do the conveyance, out of this he has been instructed in writing to repay this man.  And this man has received confirmation from the conveyancing solicitor of this.  I will not see any of the money until AFTER he has been paid, I agree that some form of protection needs to be in place so he can't deny receiving it, and so he can't provide incorrect bank details, which is something he's done when I've tried to transfer money in instalments in the past - that, and the fact he was asking for instalments of £5k a month - which he and the solicitor know is unaffordable, is why he's not received any repayment so far.

    What's almost as disturbing is that this man's solicitor (who appears to specialise in computer and AI IP, not debt collection) is happy to write to me, on his behalf threatening to bankrupt me, while he must be fully aware that there are no grounds to do so.  A previous firm of solicitors engaged in the same sort of behaviour.  I did get some advice from a very experienced Solicitor via the CAB, and he helped me make my offer of a lump sum and instalments, which was rejected.  That solicitor strongly advised me against making any offer, and said I should be careful to state that the offer was not an acceptance that the contract was not binding (ie repayment on sale of the house, and not before) so I'm pretty confident that there are no grounds to pursue bankruptcy against me, the only motivation I can see, based on this is that he want's to cause as much distress as possible.  The impression I've got repeatedly is that he really doesn't want the loan repaid, once it is repaid then the noose is off my neck, and he has no excuse to communicate with me or contact me for any reason.



    When this is over I would also consider raising the behaviour of the solicitor he's used with the Solicitors Regulation Authority with copies of the threatening and inappropriate correspondence.

    https://www.sra.org.uk/
  • Savvy_Sue
    Savvy_Sue Posts: 46,915 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper
    Just to add that as soon as the house has sold, I trust you will get a new phone number and email address, and take steps to ensure he does not know where you have moved to. You should be able to get more advice from Women's Aid. https://www.womensaid.org.uk/
    Signature removed for peace of mind
  • Thank you again for taking the time to post your comments, I will definitely report the solicitors, because if they're happy to act in this way for him, they're likely to act in the same way for others.... They are now fully aware that there's been an assault by battery and theft charge, and there's a clear pattern of behaviour here, they've also received the recordings of what appears to be false imprisonment, and it's clear that the loan was the 'bait' he's used to get me into his flat... looking at what the CAB solicitor said, the threats of bankruptcy are without merit, based on the terms of the contract, and they remain, so far, threats, nothing has been lodged with the court, according to the CAB because the solicitor likely knows the application is without merit... So it's possible that all this correspondence, just weeks before he's going to be repaid, is simply being done to cause maximum distress.  That doesn't indicate a particularly high ethical standard on the part of the solicitors.

    I will also ask my conveyancing solicitor if - when he pays the money over to this guy, he can stipulate that I am asking him to never to contact me or communicate with me or my children in any way... Because it's not just the loan that he's used as an excuse to contact me, it's also his health (he's claimed to be hospitalised, on deaths door, I've rung round all the local hospitals in a panic only to find he hasn't been hospitalised at all)  He's also, and this is really mind-blowing to me... used the charge for assault by battery and theft on his Police record as a way to trying to get me to see him...  He claimed recently by text, that his work had found out about it and he was going to lose his job unless I helped him remove it from the PNC... but he'd already pressured me to help him get it removed from the PNC, and he knows it can't be removed, no matter what I do, it could not be removed when he pressured me to do this before, because he has a previous police charge, that's nothing to do with me, and existed (unknown to me) before I ever met him... This is all so exhausting... 

    Anyway, thanks again.... 

  • Savvy_Sue
    Savvy_Sue Posts: 46,915 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper
    Couple of comments:

    Solicitors generally follow the instructions of their clients, so doing what they've been asked (and paid) to do isn't necessarily a reflection on how high their ethical standards are. There are limits, obviously, but they're not necessarily on the wrong side of the law. 

    AND I wouldn't instruct your conveyancing solicitor to ASK him not to contact you again. I'd do that as a completely separate exercise, instructing a solicitor experienced in family law, TELLING him not to do that, and warning him of the consequences. And I think I'd be doing that now, along the lines of "you're going to be repaid when the house sells, the conveyancing solicitor will be responsible for sending you £X, any further communication will be reported to the police as harassment" etc etc etc - be guided by the solicitor. 

    Do you already have an injunction against him? If not, can you get one? Then he can be reminded what happens if he breaks those terms. 
    Signature removed for peace of mind
  • Jude57
    Jude57 Posts: 652 Forumite
    Eighth Anniversary 500 Posts Name Dropper
    Thank you again for taking the time to post your comments, I will definitely report the solicitors, because if they're happy to act in this way for him, they're likely to act in the same way for others.... They are now fully aware that there's been an assault by battery and theft charge, and there's a clear pattern of behaviour here, they've also received the recordings of what appears to be false imprisonment, and it's clear that the loan was the 'bait' he's used to get me into his flat... looking at what the CAB solicitor said, the threats of bankruptcy are without merit, based on the terms of the contract, and they remain, so far, threats, nothing has been lodged with the court, according to the CAB because the solicitor likely knows the application is without merit... So it's possible that all this correspondence, just weeks before he's going to be repaid, is simply being done to cause maximum distress.  That doesn't indicate a particularly high ethical standard on the part of the solicitors.

    I will also ask my conveyancing solicitor if - when he pays the money over to this guy, he can stipulate that I am asking him to never to contact me or communicate with me or my children in any way... Because it's not just the loan that he's used as an excuse to contact me, it's also his health (he's claimed to be hospitalised, on deaths door, I've rung round all the local hospitals in a panic only to find he hasn't been hospitalised at all)  He's also, and this is really mind-blowing to me... used the charge for assault by battery and theft on his Police record as a way to trying to get me to see him...  He claimed recently by text, that his work had found out about it and he was going to lose his job unless I helped him remove it from the PNC... but he'd already pressured me to help him get it removed from the PNC, and he knows it can't be removed, no matter what I do, it could not be removed when he pressured me to do this before, because he has a previous police charge, that's nothing to do with me, and existed (unknown to me) before I ever met him... This is all so exhausting... 

    Anyway, thanks again.... 

    He has no grounds to apply to have you declared bankrupt. Without derailing the thread with the technicalities, you're not technically unable to pay your debts and the sale of the property will likely be completed before he would even be able to start the process. As to his solicitor, I'm not making excuses for them but solicitors act on their client's instructions and, so long as those instructions don't require a criminal act, it's a solicitor's duty to follow those instructions vigorously. In this case, I'd suspect that the client is being less than truthful with the solicitor and so they don't have the full picture. His recent criminal acts should go some way to giving them a clearer picture but of course it's also possible that the solicitor is aware and just as bad as him. Do report to the SRA anyway.

    I agree, based on what you've written, that it's simply another attempt by an abuser to retain some level of control over you. I also urge you to seek support from Womens Aid without delay and to speak to your local police about the ongoing attempts at coercive control by this man. Don't minimise to them your concerns for your own safety and that of your children. It's possible that some sort of Restraining Order may be advisable and the police could support you in obtaining this because although the Order is a civil matter, the need for it arises out of his criminal acts. It's unfortunately true that abusers are most dangerous when they feel their control over the victim is slipping and I cannot stress strongly enough that you simply MUST NOT ever willingly be alone with this man ever again, even in a public place. I hope you have a new home lined up with an address he doesn't know, a new phone number and that you lock down your social media as well as blocking him now on every platform. It would be as well to let your children know what's going on, too, as appropriate for their ages, and to ask them to be extremely careful of what they post online, too. He has no need to contact you directly when you both have solicitors acting for you. If he knows where you work, I'd recommend speaking to your management about ensuring he can't contact you there, won't be allowed into their premises if at all possible (this might be more difficult if you work in a shop, hospital or other publicly accessible building but you don't need to tell us where you work) and to perhaps provide you with an escort to and from your car for a few weeks. You might also want to consider changing your vehicle if at all possible so that you can't be linked to it by him.

    I'm so sorry you're going through this and I'm sorry if what I've written frightens you but I'd rather you be frightened and protect yourself than not say anything that I think might help you stay safe.
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