LPA dispute on care home choice

AJ2024

I am joint and severally LPA for health and finances with my sister for my father who has dementia. The time has come for him to be assessed for residential and or nursing care. His mental capacity for making this decision himself or deciding where he would like to live is very much day to day and compromised at best. My sister has already started making plans to get him in a care home right where she lives. My father currently lives in the next street to me where he has spent the last 50 years of this life.

Sister wants him next to her so she and his grandson "can visit him every day". She doesn't think it's important that some of his local friends might not be able to visit him as often as they might if he didn't move away from his local area, not to mention my thoughts on it as the main carer and Next of kin. 

I believe that if he had capacity he may well to prefer to stay more local to his own area.

Where do i stand if she starts making moves to get him placed somewhere I have not agreed with? I know with jointly and severely each party can act independently. If she states a case it's in his "best interests" am I powerless to try and negotiate he is placed somewhere at least halfway between her and me/his local area? 

Thanks

lisyloo

Have you visited any care homes? Is this one suitable?
Has he been assessed as to whether he needs a residential home or nursing home?
Many won't take or be able to deal with a dementia sufferer.
Its also worth considering what happens if/when he declines.
We put our parents in a nursing home where they could stay until the end.
Will he need to be moved again if his needs increase?

No you aren't powerless. You can speak to your sister about what is in his best interests.
You could also ask him what he wants on a good day.

What's holding you back from being assertive?

born_again

What sort of distance is this from you & where he lives now?

Flugelhorn

One thing to bear in mind is that local friends often fade away and stop visiting after  a while - might not happen in this case but who knows

Ultimately if there is a disagreement then I think you would need to have a best interests meeting - possibly with healthcare / social work advice 

Keep_pedalling

This is a difficult one, and there no right answer. Next of kin has no legal meaning and does not sway this in any way. I have to agree with Flugelhorn friends do tend to fall by the wayside in these circumstances especially once mental capacity starts to go.

Speaking personally as a grandfather of three small boys, in his position I would value continued contact with them above everything else. 

AJ2024

Thanks all. I can't reply properly right now but good points and advice, thank you

MEM62

AJ2024 said:

Where do i stand if she starts making moves to get him placed somewhere I have not agreed with? I know with jointly and severely each party can act independently. If she states a case it's in his "best interests" am I powerless to try and negotiate he is placed somewhere at least halfway between her and me/his local area? 

This conversation needs to be with your sister, not us. Explain your views on what is in the best interests of your father.  

elsien

If he has fluctuating capacity, then at the times he’s at his best, what is he saying that he wants? That should carry a significant amount of weight. 
Part of the discussion might not just be about locality but also having very specific information about what the different care homes would have to offer. 

Some people like big places with lots on, some people like smaller places with a more family feel. This is all relevant in the process and comes alongside location, family contact et cetera. Depending on the age of the grandson, “can visit” does not mean “will visit.”   

You need to be having a proper best interest discussion with your sister and with your dad before deciding on any next steps. He has to be part of it as far as he is able because this is his life that you are talking about . You both must act in his best interests, and those conversations are part of that. 

Are there any social workers involved who could also take part in those best interest discussions? Has he had a care act assessment? His needs will determine whether if he does need 24 hour care it’s in a nursing home or residential home. 

Is he having care at home, because he might want to look at that to stay at home as long as possible, if that isn’t already happening. 

However finding somewhere equidistant between the two of you seems the worst of all options from his perspective because then he’s away from his familiar environment, his friends and you, and also away from his other daughter and his grandson. 

How far apart do you and your sister live?