Can anyone advise on this horrible scenario please. Update.

swingaloo

My niece has a lovely boyfriend. They moved in together 2 years ago.
He has 2 children from his previous relationship aged 5 and 7. They separated when the youngest was 14 months old and since then he has had both children every weekend and for most of the school holidays. 
His ex has had 3 live in boyfriends since then and has had a child by 2 of them. One of the dads is the men she currently lives with. She also had a child from a previous relationship but that child has gone to live with the father.

There have been a lot of issues in the last couple of years, the children not attending school, my niece finding them on her doorstep after work as they had gone home 'but mummy said she is tired and we should come round here'.  Sending them round to dads without making arrangements or making sure anyone is home. The dad is sure the mum is not caring for the children properly, then to top it all the eldest keeps saying he 'doesn't like mummy's new boyfriend'. He says he scares him but wont elaborate but does say that 'him and mummy scream at each other a lot'.

So my nieces boyfriend has decided to apply for full custody and the court hearing is set for in 5 weeks time. My niece is fully supportive of this and in fact all the family see these children as a part of our family now. 

Then his ex dropped a bombshell and said the eldest child was not his and he would not get custody of that child. To say he was devastated is an understatement.  A DNA test has been done and it has shown that he cannot be the father of the eldest. His ex has also now told him that he cannot see the child ever again.

He has never had a reason to doubt the child is his and has been a devoted dad for the last 7 years so you can imagine how this has affected him.

He is going to see his solicitor on Friday but I just wondered if anyone had experience of this type of situation and could  advise if it is possible that the courts would allow him to carry on seeing the child. He says he will never be able to think of the child as anything but his and it would destroy him to have to walk away. The mum says she has told the child that he is not the daddy and he is not being allowed to speak to the child to reassure them of his love. She has said he can have the other child at weekend but not both of them. He is worried not just for himself but for how it affecting both of the children. 
Has he got any rights in this situation?

elsien

It is possible for non-biological parents to retain contact, but there would be a number of hurdles to jump to get there, and the welfare of the child in the circumstances will obviously always come first
He’s probably better off waiting to speak to a solicitor who is experienced in this type of case.

HampshireH

Speak to the solicitor. I know a parent who got full custody of their children after a similar 
 thing happened and they got custody of all children. The court ruled it in the best interest of the children. Only difference was they knew the child wasn't theirs and had raised them from a baby regardless. The court awarded full parental responsibility. 

However it was a battle with a lot of manipulation and lies on the mothers part who in this case was trying to prevent full custody of all children not just the one which wasnt the fathers. All amounting to a toxic environment for the children in the mothers care and ultimately the situation the mother created was emotionally abusive. It sounds very similar to what you are describing.

A solicitor is a must. Likewise if the children are scared then social services involvement.

They succeeded eventually but it was a horrible time in the meantime.

gwynlas

It would seem to be in the childs best interest for them and their nearest sibling to go to live with your niece and partner. Given issues of poor care non school attendance etc I am surprised that social services are not already involved. Hopefully a good family solicitor will be able to help obtain a residence order for both these childrenwho deserve better care and support that that of their dyfunctional mother.

RAS

I know from talking to people who discovered that their dad was not their bio father that they are often devastated.

I think in this instance that it's going to be important to demonstrate to the court that BF's concern the older boy's needs rather than his own.

The elder boy has been brought up to believe that BF is his father and has believed this through the multiple relationships mother has had. And that BF believes that regardless of the bio relationship recently discovered it is in the elder boy's best interest to maintain their continued relationship, at least until he is old enough to decide otherwise. And that the way mother has handled the whole situation is evidence of her unsuitability.

Rather than concentrating on non-bio's father feeling about the news, concentrate on his concern for the boy. 

swingaloo

Thank you all for the replies, its somewhat reassuring. Hopefully his solicitor is a decent one. He is really upset about what he has learned but above all he is going through agony wondering how the little one is feeling and not being able to find out. Its tearing him up thinking about it. 

Either way it is going to be a long road but he is holding on to the hope that he given permission to see his child before the mum has poisoned him. His worst fear is that she is telling the child that dad doesn't want him any more.

Thank you all for replying.

BungalowBel

Poor little boy.  And poor niece's partner too.  They probably love each other as father and son, seeing as neither of them knew any different until recently.

I don't know anything about these matters, but I hope the niece's partner gets custody of both boys  (and I hope someone decent gets custody of the mother's other two, she obviously isn't looking after them properly).

Wishing them well.

theoretica

Is he named on the child's birth certificate? 

swingaloo

theoretica said:

Is he named on the child's birth certificate? 

Yes he is.

RAS

Good........

TonyMMM

swingaloo said:

theoretica said:

Is he named on the child's birth certificate? 

Yes he is.

Then he has full parental responsibility for the child until such time as a court decides otherwise.