End of life advice for our dog?

lizziegizabit

I know the end is near for my beautiful girl. She's 14yr old black lab, and she's started to refuse walks, eating very little but still drinking plenty and isn't incontinent other than the odd accident. She has developed an obvious swelling and I know its a tumor of some kind. Out last lab had the same issues. My husband is of the thinking for her to have all the treatment and to prolong her life. I think the best course is to end any further suffering she is inevitabley going to endure and to let her have a peaceful sleep to slip away. We both think the other is being selfish and can not agree to best course. 
Our last lab was only 10 when we had to make the hardest decision of letting go and it was the most traumatic experience for us both and on reflection as sad as it was we were plied with weeks and weeks of false hope from the vetinary hospital she was at. I understand it shouldn't be about money but the inevitable ended up costing us thousands as we didn't have insurance. She took poorly over a bank holiday and as such went straight to the hospital out of hours, they ran every test, gave her every pain killer, every antibiotic, biopsies the lot and every day we would call and they'd tell us she was doing well, every evening we'd visit and she seemed the same and eventually when she stopped refusing food we made the decision to let her go. At the time we really thought they had our and our best girl's best interests at heart but soon after found that this seemed to be their standard practice for "money making" and were renowned for this.

My husband wants to take her to vets to discuss any possible treatment to allow her more time and I would prefer to not put her through the stress of actually taking her to an appointment for a check up and then have to put her through further stress when taking her to go to sleep. 
We are both obviously very skeptical of vets due to what happened last time. I just don't want her to know and to be afraid/stressed in any way. I really don't know what's the best thing for her. She's not in any pain, she doesn't cry or whine, she's just very obviously had enough and I don't want her to get to the point of being in any pain. 

LinLui

My husband wants to take her to vets to discuss any possible treatment to allow her more time and I would prefer to not put her through the stress of actually taking her to an appointment for a check up and then have to put her through further stress when taking her to go to sleep. 

If you are taking her to the vet then I think the vet needs to hear both sides of this, not just your husbands desire to look at possible treatments. Whilst I can see both sides of this in some ways, I am with you - a dog who is hardly eating and refusing walks is not a happy dog, and I think that "prolonging life" at the expense of quality of life is selfish. None of us like letting our beloved pet go, but that is about us and what we want, not about them. So perhaps (assuming your current vet is good - mine is and they aren't all money-grabbers) explaining how you both feel and listening to the vets take on each will give some clarity. A good vet will place the welfare of the dog and its quality of life above money.

beckstar1975

I am so sorry to hear this. I have never been through this with dogs (have with cats) but is your vet local and could they do a home visit with the possibility to PTS there if needed? I know they won't be able to do all the diagnostics but it sounds like you think they'd be a waste anyway, and at least there's far less stress for you/the dog.

Best of luck

FlorayG

Get the vet to come out to you. If s/he thinks there is something that can be done and needs diagnostics, THEN you make an appointment to take the dog to the surgery. Otherwise the vet can give you palliatives or euthanase the dog while they are there. This is what I always do with my cats, they always have the vet come out to them at the end

sheramber

I work on the situation and what is best for the animal.

When my 15 year old dog went off her back legs  my vet suggested he could try an injection to help her.

I said no. She had been active for 15 years and that morning was the first time she had refused to go for a walk with the others.  She  had ignored her dinner for a few days before but would eat treats. 

I did not think it was fair to prolong her life for another week, two weeks ? 

Her two loves in life were no longer. 

My vet agreed and when he examined her afterwards he found a massive tumour in  her liver. 

Remember, just because you can doesn’t mean you should.

Vets will always offer all the possibilities but it is your decision. 

It is never an easy one but is the last kind thing we can do for them. 

kamkop

I went through similar situation many times. It is not an easy decision to make but I will never forget wise words from my vet: "no one said I/we did it too early, while many regretted waiting and hoping".

elsien

I joined a FB group for dogs developing canine dementia due to concerns about my old boy.
The most striking thing for me was how many people were keeping going and keeping going and trying new medication when to me, their dog was long past having any quality of life. It has reinforced that I need to think about what is best for my dog, not my wishes and feelings and trying to keep him for as long as possible. 

There are quality of life scales that you can use if you want to track what is happening over time to give some clarity.
For me, this blog post says it all. Maybe it's something you could discuss with your partner?

The Good Death | Dr. Mel Newton

Marksfish

We went through this last month with our 14yo choc lab. We went away on a Friday night, came home on a Sunday afternoon and there was a significant swelling around the abdomen. We couldn't get to our vet as they were closed due to sickness and by the time we found another later in the week, she had gained 4.5kg in fluid. Vet advised blood tests for kidney/ liver/ function and advised it could also be heart related. By the time the test results were in, she had gained more weight and was being uncomfortable. We booked her in for her final visit and she had gained 9kg in just over a week.  It was a heart breaking scenario, but were laden with guilt as we think we contributed to her discomfort. Things may have been better/ quicker if our normal vet had been available.

SensibleSarah

I had to go through this in 2021. My 12-year old rescue dog had spinal issues, heart failure, kidney failure and probably more, and had been gradually being able/willing to do less for a few months. On the morning she didn't want to get out of bed to eat, I knew it was time. I know that there were potential ways to extend her life, but when walks and food, the two things she loved most in the world, were too painful (even on the highest possible safe dosage of pain relief) or not worth moving for, there was no quality of life left, she was clearly unhappy and I would have been keeping her going for my benefit, not hers. It's horrible and awful and heartbreaking, but ultimately, saying goodbye before it goes too far is final way to show kindness xx

sheramber

Better a wek too early than a day too late.

Katiehound

^^^^ 
This is absolutely my mantra

years ago I had a dog with lymphoma and I made arrangements to take him abroad since he could/ might live a several more weeks. A very brave friend told me that I was being selfish, it was not in the dog's best  interest to take him on a very long journey even if he loved the destination. She was right, so I did the deed and drove dogless 450 miles with tears pouring down my face.

Lesson learned

think of the quality of life of your animal, you can be kind and let them slip away peacefully. I never understand why folk wait for it to happen 'naturally.' What let the animal starve themselves, be in agony?

Why ramp up mega bills just because you can?

let your dog go peacefully and remember all the good times.

Yes, it's hard but that's what it takes to be a great dog owner: being brave when the time comes.

Take care.