Uncomfortable with house guest

dolcelatte

I'm on week 3 of having an old friend stay with me whilst he transitions to a move abroad. He originally said he'd  be out before the end of next month but already he has hinted that he may need to extend. I asked only for expenses so I'm not out of pocket, although to date he hasn't mentioned money or offered me anything.  It's a complicated situation and I acknowledge he has many stressors and he's been through a difficult time this year. The thing is I'm starting to feel uncomfortable having him in my house. He drinks quite a bit every night and conceals cans in his room. He goes to bed much later than me and the house smells of booze in the morning. The bedroom looks like a student room with the cans and dirty cups on the side. Although we both used to drink in student days, I've moved on but I'm now feeling the pressure from him to engage in drink-related activity. There have been one or two other things: I came down one morning to find a dining chair on its side and last week he burst in my room at night. He closed the door after 5 seconds but it was a bit unnerving and the next day he blamed it on sleep walking. AIBU to want to enforce his departure as originally agreed?

Emmia

I think you need to talk to him, perhaps explain that whilst it's been nice having him to stay, you need your own space back as agreed. 

The departure date is still a way off though, Personally, I wouldn't be happy to still have him in the house given the incidents that have happened. 

Where is he supposed to be moving to after he's been staying at your place? 

elsien

Another vote for talking to him.

You need to remind him that you’re not students anymore;

This is your house and you need him to respect it by maintaining a level of cleanliness In your spare room and the communal rooms that you are kindly allowing him to occupy for a short amount of time. 

And ignore his hints and check he is fully aware of the date he needs to be out by, whatever date you decide that is.

He’s taking advantage. Set the boundaries and departure date now. You shouldn’t be made to feel uncomfortable in your own home just because he’s had a hard time.

Flugelhorn

white lie about some people coming to stay and the place really needs to be tidied up, oh and when was it he said he was leaving?

Pollycat

I think I might be getting a bit concerned about him not mentioning paying money to you (what does 'expenses' consist of?)

I certainly wouldn't be happy about the state of the room he's using.

If he's got many stressors, drinking to excess isn't going to help.

How far forward are his plans to move abroad? Is he buying or renting?

I too would sit down for a talk with him (before he starts drinking) and explain that you feel he's not respecting your property and you expect that to change.
Bring up money and set your expectations of amount and frequency.

He may think he's found a nice, cheap bolthole so I would tell him the arrangement is a temporary one and you're still expecting him to move out by the end of August.

I wouldn't tell him a white lie.

powerspowers

This is your home and you need to be assertive about what is right for you. He needs to respect your home and boundaries and be making plans to leave as intended. 

Some people get tetchy when you assert yourself, so make a plan in advance to handle the situation if he reacts badly.  

Newly_retired

He has no legal right to live there. He is there as your guest. As you are no longer comfortable with the arrangement , you can give him reasonable notice to leave and if he does not comply, you can change the locks.
But first, a conversation is needed. He needs to make payments to cover expenses. He needs to respect your home and your privacy. Do not extend his stay.

Wyndham

Talk to him. And stress that it is your house, your rules, and you are doing him a favour. If he is making you uncomfortable, say that (he may not realise the impact of his actions). If he doesn't - or can't - change, then it's reasonable to ask him to leave before the time you originally agreed.

You don't say why he doesn't have another home while he transitions for his move abroad, but given the behaviour you've seen, it may explain a few things!

At the end of the day, friendship has to be about 'reasonableness'. Sounds like you were once good friends, but life has taken you in different directions.

Klinny

I agree with the other comments, you need to talk to him and at least set some boundaries otherwise you should ask him to leave. 
its your house and therefore your rules he should respect that.