Visiting family - what do I do??

linzibean

Ok, so here's the story. Myself and husband have just spend our first married Christmas together alone, and were planning to spend New Years the same. However, my parents and younger sister want me to visit them tomorrow until New Years Day. This would be OK except for a few facts;

- Husband hates visiting for a number of reasons, but most prominantly the fact that the house is generally a tip and my parents are both chain smokers, so it's not the best atmosphere.

- It's a 4 hour drive at best and will cost us around £40 in fuel for the return trip, plus we will probably go out at least once to local town etc, maybe even eat out. Plus we generally have to buy food for when we're there as there is almost always no food in the house, or just rubbish!

Until recently we had to sleep on the floor when we visited (parents had gotten rid of my old bed) but now they have bought a sofa bed - this made me feel even worse about not going. My younger sister called this afternoon to ask when I was coming, and I feel terrible because husband is basically putting his foot down and saying we can't go.

What do I do? I'm going to end up upsetting someone here.

conradmum

I think more people dislike visiting their in laws than like it. It certainly doesn't sound as though you'll have a great (or cheap) time but at the end of the day they are your family. If these are the only problems I think you're husband's being a little unreasonable in point blank refusing to go. 'Putting your foot down' is a bad sign. Relationships are about compromise. Could he be persuaded to just go for one night, say New Year's Eve, and could you make up some excuse for joining them late?
Or even invite them to yours instead but ask if they could bring food as you're a bit skint at the moment?

Bogof_Babe

I'd be inclined to persuade your husband to go, just to get the visit out of the way. If you don't go now it will be hanging over you that you will have to visit sooner or later.

The suggestion of cutting the visit down to the bare minimum time-wise is a good one. You could even cobble together a cool bag with provisions that you can eat in your room, rather than go out. As regards the smoking, don't wear anything that can't be machine washed. You can go for walks (perhaps with your sister) to get out of the atmosphere for a bit.

If you look upon this as a duty rather than a pleasure, perhaps it won't feel so bad. As regards the petrol costs, make a note to try to save it back again somehow in the new year.

linzibean

We have decided (grudgingly) to go for two nights as a compromise. I pointed out we wouldn't have to go again for ages if we went now Thanks for the advice people, especially about machine washable clothes! There are lots of nice places to walk around there so I'll be taking my walking boots with me. It certainly is a duty not a pleasure :rotfl:

belfastgirl23

The other thing is (having just spent time in a heavily smoking household myself) try to keep your clothes etc in the car. I know it's a bit impractical but every stitch we even had with us had to be washed when we got back whether it was worn or not.

You really do have my sympathies

affordmylife

:T Glad you ve made a decision.

Hope it all goes well.

I think i might have developed a really bad cold or something and not been able to go:o

thriftmonster

belfastgirl23 wrote: »

The other thing is (having just spent time in a heavily smoking household myself) try to keep your clothes etc in the car. I know it's a bit impractical but every stitch we even had with us had to be washed when we got back whether it was worn or not.

You really do have my sympathies

Yes, when my parents smoked, my Mum used to wash the kids clothes for me to be helpful, not realising I had to wash them all again as soon as we got home:rotfl:

They've both given up now and my Mum is so embarrassed about how the house used to smell.

Well done Linzi on facing up to it - hope it goes ok