Help with meal planning for picky eaters

becky170

My kids are driving me up the wall with their picky eating and now I have meal planning paralysis and just can't think of what to cook. My son has autism and has now decided that he won't eat rice, pasta or any homemade chips or wedges. He will eat baked potatoes, chicken burgers, sausages, strawberries, peas and pizza but not homemade pizza My daughter is picky as well and is refusing to try stuff...she loves chicken and will eat pasta, curry, baked potatoes, pizza (again not homemade) broccoli, peas and most fruit. Kind of successes this week was a pasta with sausage ragu (daughter ate but son refused to touch it) and a beef mince slice (son ate but daughter refused to touch). It's driving me up the wall having to cook separate meals for people and I have tried to stick to this is what we are having but they are so inflexible that they won't even try and then complain/get angry all evening which isn't much fun. I want to do healthier meals and try to get my shopping bill down but at the moment a lot of what I cook for the kids ends up in the bin which is such a waste. If anyone has any words of wisdom or recipe ideas I would be really grateful. I have tried cooking roast dinners etc where they will each eat some elements but when my son is overwhelmed he'll get upset about even this. 

Devongardener

I know it’s tough, but try to stick to “this is what we’re having”, even if it leads to sulking and arguments.   As they both like baked potatoes, stick with that for the time being, with chicken or sausages and the vegetables they will eat.   Picky eaters will sometimes accept simple meals like this rather than recipes that they think look weird and won’t try.
Depending on their ages, maybe try to explain that if you have to waste money on uneaten meals, you can’t afford other things they like to do. Stay strong!

Rosetta92

Are they at the stage where they could help a bit with the cooking - even just washing and preparing potatoes for baking? Being involved might make them more likely to eat. Could you take them to the shops and ask them to choose a veg for dinner? And is some of the problem, especially for your son, about texture. If one would eat, for example, whole carrrots and the other liked mashed at least you’d only be cooking the one veg. Are they able to explain why they don’t like some things - taste, smell, texture - knowing that might help. I’m sure folks with more direct experience will be along soon with ideas to help. Good luck - you will get there.

gwynlas

As above stick to a family meal but have cooked baked potatoes ready to be microwaved in the freezer.If they absolutely refuse what is offerred, dependent on age you could get them to prepare these themselves. Another idea is to involvee them in choosing a dinner each per week one is enough. Do not get into arguments abut food, it is natural to eat when you are hungry and if the choice is limited it is limited. You would all be better off if there are no purchased snacks available to try to limit biscuits, cakes and crisps to planned mealtimes.

joedenise

I'm with @Devongardener on this - go with this is what we've having as far as possible.

Sometimes it's the way things are cooked which kids don't like - for example most kids will happily eat raw carrots but not cooked so have you tried cooking in different ways or giving them raw veg?  

No child is ever going to starve themselves and will eat when they are hungry if you don't give in to them snacks between meals.  Having set meal times and all sitting at the table can often help too.

Good luck with getting them to eat with you with whatever you cook.

-taff

I'd actually tell them they're going to have a pizza lesson and make some pizzas with them and sell it to them as they can put their own toppings on. If you don't want to make the dough, sainsburys [ and I'm sure other sm's have them] made a reasonable packet mix which I've used before.

I will say one thing about making homemade pizzas, cook the base and tomato sauce first for five minutes or so, then take them out and add the toppings...

powerspowers

Interesting that you have mentioned your sons autism, my eldest has been diagnosed with ARFID which is an eating disorder that many would label as picky eating. Often linked to food allergies. He finds meal times incredibly anxiety provoking and would rather just not eat. Things that helped for us
* smaller portions 
* control over what they eat. So we eat family style with a few dishes on the table and they pick what they want. 
* safe food he can always make himself if he can’t eat what we’ve made (beans on toast is his go to). So we can still eat a variety of foods with E having elements he can eat and safe options if not. 
* separating things. So we make pasta which dad has with bolognaise sauce, I have veggie and son has with sauce or pesto. Would your kiddies eat sausage with pasta and carrot sticks if they couldn’t eat ragu? 

* requires some parental reprogramming. If E can’t eat what’s on his plate, it’s reassurance, calm, ‘what would you like to make instead” rather than threats and guilt tripping. 

Yes it’s frustrating. I’m sure family and friends think we’re pandering. But we’re much more relaxed at meal times now, E eats a much wider range of foodthan he did 2 years ago and will try new things much more readily when there’s no pressure. 

Not trying to diagnose your kids, just suggestions! 

calleyw

Just to say I have no children but came across this:

There is a blog called my https://www.myfussyeater.com/

They also have a FB page called myfussyeater

thriftwizard

How old are they? Asking because a couple of my now-adult brood have autism-related diagnoses, and this is how we dealt with the "fusspotting" back then, 20-odd years ago. After trying the "this is it" for what felt like a very a long time, we did make reasonable adjustments, so that mealtimes didn't descend to confrontational nightmares or cause too much work; if someone decided they were vegetarian, vegetables is what they got - the carb & veg of the main meal, with maybe some grated cheese or tinned beans for a dash of protein. (No fake meat products, or similar, which is still true today. Sometimes this did involve separating portions out before meat was added to the main dish, but that's a lot easier than cooking something completely different.) Or from about 10, they could do themselves a "pizza" of pitta bread (kept in the freezer, released one slice at a time) with tomato puree or passata with grated cheese & whatever "toppings" we had, under the grill. (A different slant on this might be a wrap, with salad & whatever else is left over or just lurking around. Or a helping of plain noodles, cooked up in stock with a handful of frozen veg & an egg in the same water.) Always at mealtimes; I felt it was important to keep half an eye on their intake, and keep mealtimes as family times socially. Luckily it's a reasonably big kitchen/diner & a "range" cooker (there were 7/8 of us living here) so this was just about manageable. Gradually this morphed into them cooking for themselves, or even for all of us, using whatever we had in, and all 5 cook from scratch now for themselves & their families, and in fact both girls are expert bakers & DD2 (with PDA) in particular a whizz at Mediterranean & Asian cooking. She has remained a pescatarian but the others all eat a fairly "normal" if old-fashioned diet (no UPFs!) now, though DS2 (not actually neuro-sparkly) still comes over all unnecessary at the thought of mushrooms.

Making these "reasonable adjustments" (which may be very different for you, your tastes, your budget & your family) has turned out really well for us, in the long term. Hoping you can work out what simple compromises would work for you & yours too.

redofromstart

I was (and still am) that fussy eater, and the infamous son who does not eat is worse so over time I have adapted to essentially making four variations of each meal.  Excellent post by @powerspowers. 

I would add a decent multi vitamin if you can find one they are ok with taking.   

If anyone comments on my eating or there are raised voices then I genuinely cannot eat.  Throat swells and I feel sick.  He who does not eat is exactly the same. 

weenancyinAmerica

Would it help playing quiet music with the meal or songs from the 40s and 50s? Something soothing to keep people from raising their voices?