Stopping the backsliding… a family of four no longer living beyond their means

weenancyinAmerica

Has anyone ever tried saying that the presents given at a birthday party will be going to a specific charity? I usually ask for donations to World Vision for holidays (ducks, chickens, soccer balls). Or when I give a donation (in addition to a small present), I include a holiday ornament or toy (rubber duckie) to go with the donation.

Bluegreen143

Erm, I can’t imagine the look on my DC’s little faces if people brought gifts for them to their party and I confiscated them to donate to a charity (though, in effect, this is what happens months later when I declutter their playroom!!) 🤣

Good idea to ask for charity donations in lieu of gifts, but Red really isn’t keen on this. I actually sort of agree when it comes to the children’s gifts… like it’s fine to decide that as an adult but it feels mean to impose it on one’s children. 

For adults, I try to stick to gifting experiences, consumables (eg their favourite alcohol, chocolates, toiletries etc), books or things which have been specifically requested so that I’m not adding more clutter to other people’s lives. And I often give art supplies or craft kits as party gifts to other kids for the same reason.

I might try to request family try to gift more experiences, consumables or books to the kids too. Obviously it’s about knowing your audience as to who won’t be offended by this request. I know many relatives prefer to give “something they can open”. My mum gives us our National Trust membership each year as a family Christmas gift which is great. 

greenbee

I've given nieces and nephews things like an annual pass to the zoo or a museum/attraction that they're particularly fond of. Or paid for an activity (e.g. music lessons) that they want to try. Or sponsored and animal. Or paid for a magazine subscription. 

Bluegreen143

Another nice day today. 

We had HM burgers for dinner last night (with HM coleslaw and corn on the cob) and tonight we did wraps with falafel, hummus and salad. Plus any leftover antipasti bits. 

Spent £18 on all going swimming and £42.80 on a cafe lunch. The kids and Red did spend a bit in the amusements but using their own money 😆

The weather did improve a little later on so Red got out with the kids on the kayak for a bit. We also gave the kids a collaborative Lego challenge, to build a bridge between two side tables, which worked well with only occasional arguing 🤣 and we had a family game of snakes and ladders where Bambi didn’t throw a fit over losing. So all good!! We’ve got the wood burning stove on to try and dry all the wetsuits, swimwear etc - when it’s been hot here in previous years we sling it over the decking to dry in the sun, but I don’t think that’ll be an option this week!

Tomorrow it’s to be nice in the morning so we’re going to get the kayak out and hopefully Monkey can do a bit of fishing. Red’s best friend and his family are coming for the afternoon - not sure if they’re staying for dinner, must find out (but maybe not as they have a 4yo and baby so probably need to stick to usual bedtimes). Unfortunately I think it will be rainy by the afternoon so will need to try to think about what to do with them. I was thinking about the lovely forest walk but a) it may be too wet and b) I’m not sure that the walk is that manageable with a pram (it’s super hilly).

Did I mention (apologies if so) Red and I have had loads of chats about planning holidays for next year (obviously this is dependent on saving up in advance)? We’re landing on definitely taking the kids away abroad for a week - possible contenders are Portugal, Italy, France or Spain. Portugal is where all my childhood holidays were, as my grandparents had a holiday home there, so I’ve a soft spot for it. 

I’m leaning towards going in Easter or October, but Red wants to go the first week in July (which is the first full week of the summer break here). Long term readers will know that we’ve never had a family holiday abroad so we are excited about the idea! We aren’t really busy resort people though, so I’d like to find a cute wee Air Bnb in a lovely seaside village or similar 🤞🏼

We’d then like to come here (ie this lodge we’re in right now) in August again, maybe just for a few days. We’ve been here four years in a row now and we all absolutely LOVE it. 

We also spoke about our plans to replace our car in January but we are both leaning towards keeping it. Neither of us like the car much, but it would be financially more sensible to keep it a few years. This will free up the £6k in maturing savings we were going to put towards the car - I think I would still earmark at least £2k towards a car replacement fund and set up a regular monthly contribution to increase this. Then I was thinking £2k to boost our emergency fund and the other £2k towards “wants” - boosting our holiday pot and I’d like to replace our mattress and bedding. Our mattress has been Red’s since he was a teenager and he is 40 now 😳

Bluegreen143

Oh, another financial “want” coming up. My children currently share our smallest (box) room with a bodged HM “bunk bed”, with the second bedroom turned into a playroom. It’s worked well the past three or so years, but Red and I have been discussing separating the children this winter and giving them their own rooms, for various reasons. 

If we don’t do it this winter it will certainly be coming around at some point, as mine aren’t the same gender and my DS is turning 9 on his birthday so won’t want to share with his little sister forever. We have no intention of making them share long term if they don’t want to given we live in a three bedroom house.

I don’t think this will be a hugely expensive cost, but there will be some cost on furniture. For example, my DD hasn’t actually got a bed atm, as she sleeps on a mattress on the floor under Monkey’s cabin bed, with a wooden frame built round it by Red. They also share one chest of drawers for all their clothes (I’m quite minimalist with kids’ clothes!). The playroom has a couple of kallax and a little chest of drawers in it, but I don’t think there is enough storage furniture in the two rooms to split between two bedrooms. I think we’d want to get a few inexpensive decor bits too - we don’t need to paint, but the playroom would need new curtains to be DS’s bedroom, and we’d probably get some cheap prints for the walls in the kids’ interests. 

For now I’ve just made a category for this in YNAB and over the next few months I’ll see where it gets to. I quite like the idea of doing it for their birthdays (and then any bits we buy could be their birthday gifts) but it’s not urgent so could get put off til spring if needed. 

Spendless

Think Im with Red over the week of your hol tbh. Check school dates but Easter you may be likely to clash with rest of UK off and the price hike. October you need to judge your destinations weather and if anything you wish to do is still open. Whereas go first week of July, youve still got in quiet as English and Welsh schools its stil term time, though youll probably have other countries already broken up. Turning the question on its head is there a reason why uou dont wish to go early july?

theoretica

Do you think badging 'rooms of their own' as a Christmas thing would go down well?  You could let family in on it and see if decor, bedding, curtains etc could become presents?  Even furniture - it is something really big to open! 

Bluegreen143

@Spendless that does make sense (and is what Red said). I’ve just felt that this year it felt a bit rushed having a big holiday in July and again in August and I sort of wished we’d spread going away out a bit over the year and had more time off at home over the summer. But it’s not exactly a bad problem to have so I could probably change my mind if it seems to make more sense. We can do some research on prices, typical weather etc before booking. One silver lining would be that the weather tends to be rubbish here in July for some reason so we might as well go abroad 😂

Bluegreen143

theoretica said:

Do you think badging 'rooms of their own' as a Christmas thing would go down well?  You could let family in on it and see if decor, bedding, curtains etc could become presents?  Even furniture - it is something really big to open! 

I love this idea! I’ll have a chat with Red about it but I think that could be really good. I hadn’t thought about asking family for room decor, bedding etc for Christmas but it really makes sense. 

Spendless

The hol you are currently on is changing the date of that from August to Easter next year an option? Pretty sure Easter falls later in 2025 mid-late  April if that needs taking into account re likely weather.