Stopping the backsliding… a family of four no longer living beyond their means

missymoo81

Thanks so much for sharing @Bluegreen143 I really appreciate it.

QueenJess

I like the concept of the 4 present idea, but it doesn’t work for me as a 3 year old generally doesn’t need anything and doesn’t really want anything either. Both kids often don’t need/want clothing either.
Instead I do my own thing where they each get a small pile of books, a game to play (for birthdays they get a puzzle instead), a main present they want/something I think they’ll like and a smaller present. I then put chocolates and a small gift on their beds. It’s not completely rigid and I’m sure it’ll change as the kids get older, but it works for me right now. I find limiting the presents also means I spend more time finding the best things for them - so quality over quantity.
For example, for DD this year the gift list I have at the moment is a pile of books, a skipping rope, a marble run (instead of a traditional game) and a stack of art stuff (paper, pens and a travel colouring bag thing so she can colour anywhere, including in the car). She also gets presents from 3 other people and given she genuinely wants nothing, I think that’s plenty.
For DS (he’s 7), my draft list is currently a pile of books, battleships game, a gemstone digging kit (he loves rocks), and possibly 1/2 toy cars (tbd). At the end of his bed I’ll get him chocolates and he has a keyring solar torch.
I do the same thing for birthdays as well, but sometimes add in a special t-shirt for DS for the things he loves.

I know other people online vary the 4 present rule with an extra one from Santa or even go to 10 presents. Just amend it to work for you. I do also check what other people are getting so they get a balance of presents.

BadBookkeeper

For our soon to be 13 yr old we use:

something I want (main gift)
something I need (usually footy boots or equipment for one of his sports)
something to wear (pjs & slippers or footy kit)
something to read (books)
something to do (Lego)
something for me (favourite sweets, new blanket/teddy)
something for the family (board game or voucher for a day out or cinema.

He also has a stocking but that’s usually just sweets and chocolate. 

zcrat41

Thank you for the bread links. Your holiday place looks beautiful- hope you have a fabulous time. 

Bluegreen143

Morning all. Much more civilised holiday wake up time of 8.45 here, although it was needed as Bambi was up at 2am having lost one of her three comforters she sleeps with (she’s needed these to sleep since being a baby) 🤣. I keep thinking she will outgrow this but at 5.5yo she is still full of tears if she can’t find one. Monkey has never had a special toy or comforter he’s attached to 🤷‍♀️ 

Today is very rainy so we’re taking the kids swimming and perhaps to the cafe for lunch. It is forecast to rain the whole week but I think today will be the worst and it will be lighter/patchy the rest of the week 🙄 glad we made the most of the sun yesterday! 

One week today until my baby starts school! My friend messaged me to remind me today as her son starts school this year too 🥹 

When Monkey started school I was quite sad, but I’m really ready for Bambi to go and for us to have an easier daily routine - I wish I could persuade her of this as she is very nervous and sad about leaving nursery! She had an extra year at nursery due to deferring her school entry so I really can’t do any more to make her ready, she will already be about the oldest in the class. 

It will be weird for me not having to go to nursery every day - given Monkey went there too from age 3 and also stayed an extra year it’s been in my life for the best part of six years now! 

PS thanks all for the detailed gift advice for the kids. Love hearing what you all do! 

Birthdays we are more restrained and do a big present, a small present, an outfit and a few books. But Christmas they get way too much and I’ll definitely be trying to set a limit this year.

In the interests of reducing clutter I’ve asked my mum to buy them each a new scooter (and sent her links to the right ones) which she’s agreed to. So that’s one less indoor toy they’ll get from relatives! Need to think of some ideas for other relatives too. They tend to get bought birthday and Christmas gifts by loads of people - my mum & stepdad, Red’s mum, my sister & BIL, Red’s three siblings plus the widow of his other brother, my dad, my grandfather. Not to mention the horror that is gifts from other kids at their birthday parties! I tried saying “no gifts” on the invite before and 2/3 of the people still brought one 😅 needless to say Red thinks that’s a mean thing to do too…

I can’t influence either my dad or my papa, they are a nightmare for buying lots of big toys (which aren’t even all suitable and end up getting donated!!), but at least my dad has started giving them toys at birthdays and money at Christmas so it’s cut down a bit. 

My sister is good and gets them a big box of art supplies every Christmas which obviously get used up so doesn’t become clutter. Need to think of ideas for Red’s siblings. Annoyingly they are the kind of people who don’t think books are an exciting gift (whereas to me and the kids they really are!). 

debtfreewannabe321

If toys become overwhelming try a toy rotation, put them into storage bins and hide bins away from their sight. When they've had current toys out for a while, box them up and swap them out and it's like they have new toys (I always used to leave their absolute favourites out though). 

My sisters used to buy my two younger ones a joint present to use as there is only a year between them, so a board game or nice set of books or dvd or something similar. Regular declutters need to happen even if you try to be minimalistic yourself at christmas because of family I also felt mean when I cut their presents down, I was pretty spoilt as a kid and had sacks full of presents. I only actually remembered one or two presents from each year though...I bet Red is the same. When you give less they focus on every present rather than it becoming a bit of a chore opening piles of presents for them to all go in their room/ toy room for most of them never to be touched. Oh and my kids stockings are really quite big so they get a fair few little presents in those as well as the 4 they choose! 

My DS2 was never ready to go to school, he was the youngest in his class and cried for an entire term on drop off; I felt awful. But he did settle in and the teacher said- the minute you leave he stops crying you know I wish she had told me that straight away, I went home and cried myself most days! I bet Bambi will be fine once she makes a friend or two I think sometimes we find it harder.

missymoo81

Loving the Christmas gift ideas, I’m awful at Christmas and mine have about 20 presents each 🤦🏻‍♀️. It’s a lot I know but they are the only presents they get from my side of the family and always include pyjamas and many books and games. 

Time2count

Could you ask family to buy/ contribute to experiences instead? Family ticket for the zoo/ the equivalent cash for 2 x entry to soft play/ trampolining/ swimming etc? It isn't stuff that will clutter up and can be used over the year so spreads out the gifts more as well.

Floss

My boys used to like book tokens & my niece enjoyed having gift cards to spend (nowadays it's cash or holiday currency!)

Spendless

I also had the loads of presents for kids due to other relatives. my 2 had us, 2 sets of Grandparents, 2 x G-Grandmas, Godparents  2 Aunts and also at least a Great Aunt and a separate Great Uncle buying. That's before any additional friends etc bought too. The only way I found round it was to reduce what we bought as couldn't persuade other people. This suited as it was the credit crunch days of 2008, I'd not found employment the way I'd anticipated doing and Mr S had taken a pay cut. It wasn't just the money it was the quantity and where you were meant to keep  it all  that was also an issue - as you've found.