Stopping the backsliding… a family of four no longer living beyond their means

Bluegreen143

I dunno Spendless, though I do welcome the challenge. If I decide I don’t like the colour of my bag I need to choose to pay to replace it or learn to live with it a bit longer (something which we all ought to do for the environment as well as our wallets). I’m not sure I’m teaching her anything valuable if I just replace everything she decides she wants in a new colour, on a whim, as at some point in adulthood this won’t be available to her.

She’s not a deprived child by any means and has nearly £300 available in her own bank account whereas our “kids’ stuff” pot is currently empty… 🤣. I also find that the kids are a little more discerning about whether they actually want something if I ask them to contribute whereas they don’t really stop to consider it properly if it’s being bought for them. (Example: neither child will spend their own money on kids’ magazines, but used to accept them if we bought them before the pocket money system).

We already do something similar with Monkey whereby we split the cost of the more expensive trainers he likes (I pay what a supermarket pair would cost and he tops it up). I do think it’s useful for them to learn the occasional restraint or have to pause and consider before acquiring anything new, given that (like most middle class kids) they’ve never actually had any experience of even mild deprivation in life. I know that I certainly had far less of the things and experiences I wanted as a child than my kids do.

In terms of repurposing it, I’m not convinced that anyone else in the family wants a pink sparkly kid sized backpack 😅. And it was only from George, so not worth selling.

I’ll see what Red thinks - he’s a bit softer on buying the kids things, so may well want to replace her backpack for her!

EDIT to say, I certainly don’t buy them school supplies as birthday gifts! I can see why you feel strongly!

joedenise

I'm with you @Bluegreen143 in asking Bambi to buy her own bag if she doesn't want the pink sparkly one anymore.

I did the same as you with my eldest daughter when she wanted brand named trainers and I said I'd pay £X (SM price) and she would have to top up with her own money. Give her her due she did pay the top up as didn't want to be seen wearing SM trainers (think she was about 10!).

Bargainhunter30

I always get my kids stationary supplies for Xmas 😂🙈

Spendless

Trainers are different, they are used out of school as much as they are used in, possibly more times out of school if they attend somewhere that requires shoes during main classtime, that's unlike a schoolbag, which is more likely to be predominately or exclusively for school. Comics are very much a want too.

I can see that you as an adult dont replace bags if you dont need to , but this is her saying she's getting older and wants to reflect that. I didnt mean give the bag to someone else in the house - lol , I meant find another use for it around the house/her bedroom, store little teddies in it, or hair accessories etc. I suppose I am not seeing this as a 'whim' of Bambi's and more she is aware that she's getting older and wants to reflect that. My own daughter went thru similar around the same age, liked the same stuff from aged 3 to around 8 then suddenly didnt. I would be making it clear though that I wouldnt replace every time she wants a new colour bag, this would just be an acknowledgement she's growing up.

Stationery supplies for Xmas as an addational present I assume, is different to having to receive a fountain pen as your main gift for your birthday because you need one and the pencils you were sent with that your previous school used aren't appropriate. I did once have to stop my (late) MIL's idea that she bought my kids school uniform as their birthday presents. Not cos we couldnt afford them, these were the days when you could kit a child out for £20, she just liked buying practical.

Bluegreen143

I’m assuming the stationery supplies are as a stocking filler Bargainhunter and not a main present!

Thanks for the perspective Spendless! I’m interested to hear what Red thinks once I’m home from this work trip.

QueenJess

With my kids I generally try to get them things they need (although I always buy lots of books as I like to encourage them to read). If they just want something, then it’s out of their pocket money. Sometimes there’s a bit of a grey area in between.

Something you said reminded me that I was in a shop with DS and he said he was getting X and was explaining how much he really wanted it. I said I would only buy the book and anything he wanted was out of his money. Immediately (with no hesitation) said “oh, then I don’t want it then”. It’s definitely easier to spend someone else’s money 🤣

Bluegreen143

That made me laugh Jess! That’s exactly what my kids are like 🤣.

Travelling wasn’t too bad yesterday, but I’m very tired this morning as I never sleep well in hotel rooms, especially without Red there, and I kept waking up at intervals all night. Despite being allegedly air conditioned it was far too hot, the fan doesn’t actually have much power to it 😠.

Alas, got the work conference today so no rest, I’m sure I will end up sleeping on the flight home 😅.

Fairly minimal opportunity for spending at least. I did end up spending from my personal budget yesterday (crisps at the airport - so expensive!) and travelling reminded me I want to buy a power bank for camping and holidays etc, so I ordered one from Amazon for £25 which has good reviews.

Apart from start of the month bills, the only joint account spending yesterday was £6 Red transferred himself, I’ll find out what for once home, and Bambi’s pocket money.

Bluegreen143

Very pleased to report that, although work remains overly busy, all my travel is done now for the foreseeable. I’ve woken up tired, depleted, headachey and with a runny nose so I’m hoping to get a productive morning in then take a longer lunch break and nap.

Monkey’s smartwatch

Annoyingly budgetary consideration: Monkey’s smartwatch, which he’s only had a few months, has stopped holding a charge and connecting to GPS. It was off eBay but in like new condition so I’d hoped for longer from it!

We are keen to replace it, as we don’t want either child having a phone before secondary school (still two years away for Monkey), but we’ve been finding the ability to call and GPS track him very useful as we slightly ramp up his independence (eg allowing him to run small local errands or stay home for an hour alone - we haven’t got a landline so he couldn’t call for help without the watch).

Red has found one that gets decent reviews new for £80; it’s not as fully featured as his old one, but we never used the extra features anyway. A month ago I’d have just ordered it 🙈 but this diary kept me honest and I told him we have nothing budgeted for it so need to wait til I’m paid and see if there’s enough spare then.

Grocery budget

In an effort to keep closer track of the budget I’ve split groceries into weekly pots in YNAB. I’m allocating £150 per week which I’d really like to stick to.

We are doing a new-ish thing where we invite people to join us for dinner most Saturdays, unless we are away or invited out to dinner/a party ourselves, but it’s not very expensive as we’re deliberately making it very casual and serving normal family food (eg spaghetti & meatballs). If the guests ask what to bring I suggest dessert; if they don’t I’ll just do something simple like cookies and ice cream. I’m keen to keep things going as long as it fits in the budget - it’s been really lovely to have guaranteed friend time each week, and the joy of having a weekly slot is it makes it simple to people we want to get to know better or old friends, not just current friends, because no thought is required to come up with a plan.

List for today

• Get a decent amount of work done on priorities B & C, now A (the project involving travel) is done; both are now quite urgent 🤦‍♀️
• Have a nap if meeting times allow!!
• Sweep out the guinea pigs thoroughly; they’ve been fed/watered by the kids, and Red did the big clean and blanket change at the weekend, but the daily sweeps have been neglected the past two days!
• Do Tesco order for delivery tomorrow
• Do a fridge audit to see what needs used up (before the Tesco order!)
• Renew driving license - keep forgetting and it’s nearly expired!

Bluegreen143

Updating my list to add that I MUST sew a badge on Monkey’s Cub’s jumper!

• Get a decent amount of work done on priorities B & C, now A (the project involving travel) is done; both are now quite urgent 🤦‍♀️ 
• Have a nap if meeting times allow!!
• Sweep out the guinea pigs thoroughly; they’ve been fed/watered by the kids, and Red did the big clean and blanket change at the weekend, but the daily sweeps have been neglected the past two days!
• Do Tesco order for delivery tomorrow - Started
• Do a fridge audit to see what needs used up (before the Tesco order!)
• Renew driving license - keep forgetting and it’s nearly expired! Done
• Sew Cubs badge on
  

Bluegreen143

Well, I have been VERY TIRED all day. No opportunity for a nap in the end, due to meetings and needing to get a few tasks done in a short space of time around lunch. Yawn, early night tonight for sure.

I have done very little except sit on the sofa, and definitely owe my poor husband one as he did everything to do with the kids/dinner/chores tonight. I will pop out in ten minutes to pick up Monkey from Cubs so he doesn’t need to.

Spending:

£14 - fee for renewing driving license

Today’s list:

• Get a decent amount of work done on priorities B & C, now A (the project involving travel) is done; both are now quite urgent 🤦‍♀️ 
• Have a nap if meeting times allow!!
• Sweep out the guinea pigs thoroughly; they’ve been fed/watered by the kids, and Red did the big clean and blanket change at the weekend, but the daily sweeps have been neglected the past two days! (Going to do this just now, after this post)
• Do Tesco order for delivery tomorrow 
• Do a fridge audit to see what needs used up (before the Tesco order!) - erm, I glanced at the fridge but haven’t done a proper audit
• Renew driving license - keep forgetting and it’s nearly expired! 
• Sew Cubs badge on