Stopping the backsliding… a family of four no longer living beyond their means

zcrat41

Hope you had a lovely time with your friends. The babysitter sounds great - we are lucky that one of my good friends has twin boys who are 17 so we have a constant stream of willing volunteers! My kids are a bit older than yours and they happily play Minecraft with them too. 

Kayaking sounds great. We only have rivers near us and I’m not brave enough to take the kids out. 

Bluegreen143

Ah yes zcrat41 - I won’t be taking them on the river! We have a few spots we can take them which are safe. The loch we went to today is great - it’s my favourite spot for outdoor swimming and I go with my friend (the one who babysat yesterday actually) a few times a year. It’s 20 mins drive from our house and is quite a small loch with calm waters, not too cold, plenty of good entry points and you can see the whole loch wherever you are so nobody could be out of sight. And there are always other people swimming, kayaking and paddle boarding so it feels safer as you aren’t isolated. 

We’re also keen to take the kayak out on the canal as we could walk there from our house and it’s again calm and safe waters. There are some great beaches at Loch Lomond we want to try to, but it’s a wee bit of a further drive which is why we didn’t do that this weekend. 

I hadn’t asked this friend to babysit before but I will again 😂 not too often, don’t want to take the pee. She hasn’t got kids and said she’s only babysat her neice once before so I think she was a little nervous! But my kids are no bother now (I wouldn’t have asked her when they were tiny when it’s a bit harder).

We normally ask my mum or my sister (the advantage being they’d have them overnight at theirs, friends with the same age kids (we have a couple of best friends who take them for sleepovers now) or Red’s mum is our reliable back up always as she doesn’t ever have plans, she’s got a fairly quiet life. But everyone is away on holiday or had plans etc and Red’s mum isn’t well enough to watch them now 😔 we thought we were going to have to cancel til I thought of asking this friend! 

Spendless

Always helpful when you can create meals from 'nowhere'. Had similar with my DD yesterday who said same thing, we do need a top up shop but I'm adjusting to new glasses so wouldn't drive to the shops for ham. Compromised with bacon instead inside a toastie with cheese and mushrooms and added chips and salad.

Bluegreen143

Just been pondering birthdays and Christmas. I KNOW this seems insanely early (any new readers may not know, but in an example of incredibly bad planning, BOTH my children have December birthdays 🤦‍♀️). But historically we always end up undoing any saving progress for the rest of the year in December - Red’s love language is gift giving bless him! 

But I’m keen to avoid buying the kids loads of toys which then get decluttered later. Last year we overspent massively too and I really want to avoid that so we’re definitely going to have to meet in the middle somewhere. 

Interestingly Red now hates toy clutter as much as me because since I’ve gone back to working five days he’s taken on more of the job of helping the kids tidy their rooms and it’s opened his eyes to what a mess cluttered rooms end up in. 

He is now even more draconian than me and has recently confiscated a bunch of toys for storage in the loft off his own back. 

But it’s not yet translated into wanting to buy less gifts - he’s really finding it hard to fathom them not having a giant pile to open 🤦‍♀️ 

I really want to think of some good non-toy options at the very least or make sure any toys are things they genuinely will get a lot of value from. Going to list both kids’ interests below and if anyone has any ideas, please share! 

Budget
I would like to keep it to £80 for their birthday (to allow for a main gift plus a few books) and £125 including stockings at Christmas, but this is a lot less than we spent last year…

Party shouldn’t be too ridiculous. I want to do what we did last year, which was a joint party for both kids (halving the cost) and have it at home. Their party was really lovely last year and we made it a whole family thing, decent food and wine, parents and siblings welcome, main party was for 2.5 hours but close friends stayed on all evening with the parents drinking wine and the kids settling in to watch a movie. Monkey in particular is very definite about who his friends are and prefers having a handful of close friends to doing a whole class type thing.

So yes there is a cost for food, drinks and putting on a couple of activities (Red does amazingly elaborate treasure hunts) but we’ve given up doing themes now so no expensive decor. One year I did eco friendly cheap party bags - Monkey’s had cones of his second hand lego with a free printable of Lego ideas, Bambi’s had HM playdough with printables of playdough ideas. We did pricey party bag tat last year but want to try thinking outside the box on this again. 

Monkey (will be turning 9)
- Actually plays less with toys these days but loves Lego and anything construction-related like that. Lego sets are soooo expensive though!

- Loves outdoor pursuits (kayaking, archery, camping, making fires etc - already owns pocket knives and flint & steel and has a bow though and we have our kayak now).

- Likes helping with woodwork and making/mending, but already has a set of his own tools. 

Bambi (will be turning 6)
- Obsessed with drawing & writing.

- Her favourite type of toy is stuffed animals, which she has a reasonable collection of (I make her donate old ones if she adds to it now to avoid it taking over the house!!).

- She does like figurine type play, may get her a few more Schleich plastic animals to add to her collection.

- Loves real animals of all kids but I don’t want to get her a pet! 

Both kids also like generally playing outdoors, cycling their bikes, trampoline, making forts/dens etc. But these aren’t things needing a lot of “stuff” and they have anything they need. They still both like dressing up but have a fairly good costume collection already. They both love books and audio books but that’s a given that I’ll get them books 😂🙈

But yeah basically I feel they don’t want for anything and gifts are pointlessly adding to our clutter, but Red does not agree with this assessment 😂

Ideas so far 
- Could get a paddle board which is really a whole family thing, but could work as a joint present for the kids. A sensible idea is to get the kids bigger wetsuits & wetsuit shoes for next year - they will need these anyway (their current wetsuits are on their second summer and getting tight), but I would usually just buy them and not make them a present…

- A smart outfit each - they do like appreciate a nice party outfit.

- Red isn’t very keen on experience gifts but I think there’s a lot we could do re a lesson or experience - a pony trek or paddle boarding lesson might not be cheap but isn’t becoming clutter later… 

- It occurs to me they don’t have decent scooters atm, theirs are rusty/old/not the right size any more - they are more “bike kids” than “scooter kids” but do enjoy scooting around - that could be a non-clutter option that doesn’t need to be very expensive 🤔 

MFWannabe

Doesn’t sound like you normally set a budget for presents? Maybe set a budget and then both of you are set the task of coming up with ideas within that budget? 

I was going to say an adventure day? Something you could all do as a family and won’t add to clutter 

Wetsuits is a perfect idea if they’re going to be needing them anyway 🤷‍♀️ Think you need to change mindset of you’d normally just buy them anyway? 

Bluegreen143

Oh I always set a budget but never stick to it!!! 🤦‍♀️ it was easier when they were tiny because we bought their toys from charity shops generally so it didn’t cost much. Harder to do with bigger kids who now expect stuff to have all the bits etc 😂

I’ve edited the post above with an idea on budget but it’s not agreed with Red yet. 

I know that in the past the biggest culprit leading to overspends has definitely been leaving it to the last minute, which is why I want to think of ideas over the next couple of months and be organised. 

Bluegreen143

Potential birthdays budget £360

Monkey gift £80
Bambi gift £80
Party food & cake ingredients £100
Party activity & party bags £100

Christmas £750

Monkey gifts & stocking £125
Bambi gifts & stocking £125
MIL £75
My parents £75
Red’s nephews £60 (£20 each for three nephews - they are young adults but he still likes to send them money on birthdays and Christmas)
My sister & BIL £75
Red’s siblings £60 (£20 each)
My papa £20 

Gifts for each other (~£125 inc doing a stocking of wee bits) and if we get for friends or secret santa exchanges come from personal pots, but I think I’ve successfully opted out of all friend exchanges now. 

Tree £80 
Misc (wrapping paper or if we need to replace any lights etc) £55

Then on top of the above - Christmas food & drink £100 on top of usual grocery budget? Probably not realistic and it’ll be more? (I’ll be doing the Christmas turkey dinner but only feeding ourselves and MIL but will want to get some treats, a bottle of port and fizz etc). 

Obviously I’ve done this before but I’d stopped using YNAB last year and didn’t track at all. All I know is I had a big emergency fund last October and then in January I didn’t 🙈

Bluegreen143

Zooming back now to plan next week instead of Christmas.

Events/activities 
- I’m off on leave, yay! 

- I think I have Bambi’s nursery friend and her sister for a drop off playdate while their mum works on Tuesday morning, and I’ve offered to take one of Monkey’s friends for the same reason one day, I’ll offer Thursday I think - I may ask if Monkey’s other best friend wants to come too, may as well have both of them and Monkey will be happy to see them. 

- I want to go to the beach with Red’s best friend’s wife and her kids, and another friend, and we tentatively said Friday but looking at the weather forecast I think we’d better switch to Wed (but the other friend can’t do Wed, so may still see her for an indoor thing on Friday)

- On Saturday morning I’ve got a big casual shared birthday gathering with a group of mum friends where three are turning 40 and one 30 - think I’ll be hosting this - we were going to go to the beach (it’s with-kids) but weather doesn’t look conducive. We always do pot luck/bring & share within this group and it’s very casual so it won’t blow the budget but I’ll make cake and a dish to share. Will pay for this from personal budget rather than groceries.

- Saturday afternoon I’ll take the kids to my mum’s and Red and I are going out for dinner 😁 the restaurant is expensive, though we do have a voucher to cover some of the costs, but this will come from our personal budgets. Last year we were really good at doing regular date nights but this is only our second this year, and the first was just drinks, not dinner. 

Goals for my week off 

- Take kids to the library - meant to do it this week but had no time. 

- Finish knitting Monkey’s jumper. 

- Declutter and organise the living room & dining room shelves. 

- Get back into sourdough making.

- Get the kids involved in cooking at least one meal each. 

- Plant a few things in the garden. 

To dos 

- Decide on what I’m making for the birthday gathering and prep it in advance.

- Text all the various mums to coordinate this weeks playdates and outings 

- Switch Audible account to the cheaper annual subscription.

- Phone my papa to tell him I’m coming to visit in August with the kids (I’m going north to visit a friend anyway for her baby’s first birthday party - the kids and I are camping in her garden with our other friend and her son 😂, but want to spend a night with my papa too as he lives less than an hour from my friend).

Floss

How about a family trip to Go Ape if you have one near you?

Also, maybe think about your family gifts - you're budgeting £365 before you even think about your kids or each other. My family have previously had a £15 limit, and last year we did Secret Santa which stops all the giving for the sake of it. My sons both have way more disposable income than me so don't get presents now unless it's an '0' birthday.

beanielou

Have you looked at Popsy clothing? They do lovely things for poppets.