Dress code question

sand_hun

Hey, thanks for all the replies, some useful and also slightly conflicting viewpoints. 

It's an Indian wedding reception event at an upscale country hotel - I'm a regular guest in the sense, I don't even know them that well. I'm going to look into the option getting a cheap-ish tux and will also ask around to see what other guests are planning to wear.

Brie

Ask your friends that aren't going that are the same size as you if you can borrow something.  I know that this isn't a thing too much with blokes but women do this quite regularly (or at least the ones I know) so that a special dress does the rounds, gets taken in, let out as needed.  All with the caveat that if you spill a curry down the front and it can't be dry cleaned then you need to compensate.

Which makes me think.....ask at a local dry cleaners if they have anything that's never been picked up.  They'll want paying for the dry cleaning of course but generally if it hasn't been picked up in a month or so they will sell stuff on or donate it.

Emmia

Brie said:

Ask your friends that aren't going that are the same size as you if you can borrow something.  I know that this isn't a thing too much with blokes but women do this quite regularly (or at least the ones I know) so that a special dress does the rounds, gets taken in, let out as needed.  All with the caveat that if you spill a curry down the front and it can't be dry cleaned then you need to compensate.

Which makes me think.....ask at a local dry cleaners if they have anything that's never been picked up.  They'll want paying for the dry cleaning of course but generally if it hasn't been picked up in a month or so they will sell stuff on or donate it.

I've never lent anyone a dress for a wedding/event, much less one that would need to be altered to fit someone else.

My dresses (posh or not) are mine, not for borrowing.

Pollycat

sand_hun said:

Hey, thanks for all the replies, some useful and also slightly conflicting viewpoints. 

It's an Indian wedding reception event at an upscale country hotel - I'm a regular guest in the sense, I don't even know them that well. I'm going to look into the option getting a cheap-ish tux and will also ask around to see what other guests are planning to wear.

I'd politely decline.

What is it with this trend of setting a dress code for weddings? 
It might be ok for the likes of Posh & Becks when your guests are likely to own a tux/suitable dress but totally (imho) unreasonable for an ordinary wedding.

DullGreyGuy

Pollycat said:

What is it with this trend of setting a dress code for weddings? 

Whilst its becoming more common to specify one I'd argue that generally there always has been one even if not specified... certainly my experience of weddings is most guys are in shirt and trousers if not a suit and almost none turn up in tracky bottoms and hoody. 

In principle I dont think it's an overly bad thing, certainly no worse than the modern trend of weddings or batchelor parties being overseas. Do personally dislike the dinner jacket/black tie specified for a daytime event but thats just the ignorance of the history. 

The OP also states that this is an Indian wedding, no expert on the matter having only been to a few (most in London, one in Delhi) but the scale, and linked to that the one upmanship, of the whole thing is on a totally different level to traditional UK weddings. Given the stronger idolisation of the US it's less surprising of wanting a higher standard. Was funny at the wedding in Delhi where my wife and the few of female of us travelling from the UK all wore traditional saris and the old folk there were criticising the young Indian women for wearing western or modern Indian dress when those from the UK and US were all wearing traditional Indian. 

Pollycat

DullGreyGuy said:

Pollycat said:

What is it with this trend of setting a dress code for weddings? 

Whilst its becoming more common to specify one I'd argue that generally there always has been one even if not specified... certainly my experience of weddings is most guys are in shirt and trousers if not a suit and almost none turn up in tracky bottoms and hoody. 

In principle I dont think it's an overly bad thing, certainly no worse than the modern trend of weddings or batchelor parties being overseas. Do personally dislike the dinner jacket/black tie specified for a daytime event but thats just the ignorance of the history. 

The OP also states that this is an Indian wedding, no expert on the matter having only been to a few (most in London, one in Delhi) but the scale, and linked to that the one upmanship, of the whole thing is on a totally different level to traditional UK weddings. Given the stronger idolisation of the US it's less surprising of wanting a higher standard. Was funny at the wedding in Delhi where my wife and the few of female of us travelling from the UK all wore traditional saris and the old folk there were criticising the young Indian women for wearing western or modern Indian dress when those from the UK and US were all wearing traditional Indian. 

There's a big difference between expecting people to turn up in smart clothing (rather than track suit bottoms and a hoody) and specifying a dress code that may cost a fair amount for someone to buy/hire.

I've made numerous comments on other threads about the bizarre (imho) of expecting people to pay ridiculous amounts on hen/stag parties.

CheeseDreams

I discovered that Googling 'Prom tuxedo hire uk' brought up cheaper options than 'wedding suit hire'... Sometimes you have to game the Google algorithm  

Rosa_Damascena

sand_hun said:

Hey, thanks for all the replies, some useful and also slightly conflicting viewpoints. 

It's an Indian wedding reception event at an upscale country hotel - I'm a regular guest in the sense, I don't even know them that well. I'm going to look into the option getting a cheap-ish tux and will also ask around to see what other guests are planning to wear.

This is significant detail. You're not going to be seated anywhere near the top table, be featuring in the pics etc so a smart suit will do, and I have my doubts that you will be the only one. I would respond to the host and ask outright what would be acceptable to them. It would be a shame for you to miss the event because it will be a lot of fun.

There is a broader point I would like to make though: I don't understand why a wedding should incur wider costs to the guests beyond the gift simply because a bride and groom / their family have grandiose dreams. 

mark_cycling00

There's no cost if you already have a dinner jacket set. It will last 20 years at least whereas women have to spend £400 or more a year on summer dresses that are fashionable for weddings.

One option is to go in a kilt and accessories. No-one at the wedding will really knows if it's all correct or not but you look great in photos and everyone loves you. Can probably get it second hand and it will last for decades. 

saajan_12

sand_hun said:

Hey, thanks for all the replies, some useful and also slightly conflicting viewpoints. 

It's an Indian wedding reception event at an upscale country hotel - I'm a regular guest in the sense, I don't even know them that well. I'm going to look into the option getting a cheap-ish tux and will also ask around to see what other guests are planning to wear.

As someone who's been to many of these, its a growing trend.. the attendees and those setting the dress code often don't know what black tie actually means.. its just meant to mean 'not Indian traditional wear'. People tend to just go in a western suit and shirt, even split between normal neckties and bowties. 

So for you, I wouldn't worry about any of the nuances between morning suits, dinner jackets, tuxes, etc etc. Any of those will be fine with smart matching trousers in the same colour. Personally I think investing in any one of those will come in useful in the future, even if its a cheap one or second hand. If you don't want to, then maybe even just get the trousers, shirt and tie, and hope its not cold!