I find it hard to spend

GadgetGuru

I have a problem and I feel its affecting my life. 
I find it difficult to spend money.

Ive always been bought up to be a saver - count the pennies and the pounds will take care of themselves kinda thing.

It's worked OK so far.
Im 44. Married with 3 children (now teenagers). No mortgage. expensive car on the drive. Over £100k in savings. But I still struggle to spend. When someone wants something it takes me a while to come to terms with spending to purchase it. Even then I look for discounts and deals. For example, my middle daughter is starting her A'Levels and wants an iPad rather then a laptop - I've been putting it off. Waiting for the Apple Back to School offers to get it cheaper, etc. 

Going on holiday is a struggle. I keep looking for deals and get to the point where I get sick of searching so just go for it instead!
On the plus side, when we do go for the odd holiday (once every other year or so) I do try to splash out - although that's probably because of the currency conversion that confuses me! Dubai last year cost me around £11k in all (includes spending money etc) for a 7 day trip. 

I have no further monetary goals. Nothing in particular I'm saving towards - other then for the children's futures etc. But every pay day I still feel the need to save a portion first, then the rest is our shopping and general spending money, keeping to budgets. 
My wife and children think I'm super stingy. I want to create memories with them. Holidays, Days out etc. But I just struggle when it comes to the actual spending of money, even though I am blessed to have more then enough to splash out etc.

I find myself moaning at the kids about keeping lights or fans on. Taking long showers. Putting the heating on for too long - the little comforts that my money should go towards. 
I regret it after saying it, but I just cant help myself at the time. 

To me its more principle. Why should I let someone get one over on me when its cheaper, or discounts are available by waiting, or going elsewhere? Even if that means waiting months, or annoying my family because of it. If my kids see something in the shops I'll tell them 'it'll be cheaper online' instead......

I just feel like I'm not living for the moment. Hopefully I'm making some sense!
Do I have a problem that I need help with, or is this normal?

Time2count

I can understand the feelings, mine comes from years of single parenting/ low-wage jobs making every penny count.
Why don't you do a budget and once money is allocated for bills etc see what's left. Put half into a 'fun' pot and half into savings?
Maybe tell yourself it's just for x number of years until all the kids are grown. Call it the 'memory maker' money or something?
Or having a healthy savings pot, why not mentally allocate say £3000 a year until they've all left home for days/ meals out/ experiences etc. I allow £50 a month for days out, nowadays that's only spent 3-4 times a year - cinema/ bowling/ escape room etc. when my son was younger it was £30 a month and that was enough for swimming, soft play, ice-cream in a park, museum etc.
When the kids want something, ask them to research and bring you 3 quotes as such - that will help them understand the value and takes the stress off you in terms of hunting out deals. Or tell them you will put £x towards it, they need to pay the rest - they might decide on a cheaper alternative or they might still want the item but will value it more knowing they've had to pay towards it too.

In terms of turning off lights etc, well that's just training the kids for adulthood whereby they might not have as much spare as you so actually things like that should be ingrained to help them.

The other thing that might work is could you set up a standing order to either a 2nd account or your spouse's account so each month the fun money goes there straight away and then it might not feel as though you are wasting it, it'll be gone before it even hits the savings so you might be able to look at it as just another bill to pay.

Cairnpapple

I 100% agree with @Time2count above about assigning a pot of money whose purpose is to be spent on the family.

With regard to the 'shopping around' part, I'd recommend a book called The Paradox of Choice by Barry Schwartz. Until I read it, I was definitely someone who would try to compare EVERY option and I never felt satisfied that I'd got the right one. The book talks about how and when to put energy into choices.

[Deleted User]

All I will say is that you are long time dead!

GadgetGuru

Time2count said:

I can understand the feelings, mine comes from years of single parenting/ low-wage jobs making every penny count.
Why don't you do a budget and once money is allocated for bills etc see what's left. Put half into a 'fun' pot and half into savings?
Maybe tell yourself it's just for x number of years until all the kids are grown. Call it the 'memory maker' money or something?
Or having a healthy savings pot, why not mentally allocate say £3000 a year until they've all left home for days/ meals out/ experiences etc. I allow £50 a month for days out, nowadays that's only spent 3-4 times a year - cinema/ bowling/ escape room etc. when my son was younger it was £30 a month and that was enough for swimming, soft play, ice-cream in a park, museum etc.
When the kids want something, ask them to research and bring you 3 quotes as such - that will help them understand the value and takes the stress off you in terms of hunting out deals. Or tell them you will put £x towards it, they need to pay the rest - they might decide on a cheaper alternative or they might still want the item but will value it more knowing they've had to pay towards it too.

In terms of turning off lights etc, well that's just training the kids for adulthood whereby they might not have as much spare as you so actually things like that should be ingrained to help them.

The other thing that might work is could you set up a standing order to either a 2nd account or your spouse's account so each month the fun money goes there straight away and then it might not feel as though you are wasting it, it'll be gone before it even hits the savings so you might be able to look at it as just another bill to pay.

Some great suggestions, thank you!

GadgetGuru

[Deleted User] said:

All I will say is that you are long time dead!

Im not sure how you intended this to come across, but I do actually agree with you. 
Money is a material thing that's there to be spent. I keep worrying about the future all the time and stop living, and enjoying, the present. I could drop dead tomorrow, and leave behind a pile of cash/assets that I've worked hard for, yet someone else will enjoy instead!