Financial disparity in relationship

NeedAdviceFC

Hi everyone,

I’m looking for some advice. There’s a big difference in priorities between my partner and me. She tends to live in the present and spends whatever we have, while I focus on the long term.

Between us, we had over £16,000 worth of credit debt at the start of the year. Through hard work, I’ve managed to reduce it to just under £10,000, which feels like real progress. However, my partner isn’t as keen on focusing solely on reducing our debt. She wants us to go on a holiday that would cost around £1,700.

While I agree that a holiday is something we deserve, my priority is reducing our debt to give us financial flexibility and avoid using credit for future expenses. Her constant requests for the holiday are straining our relationship.

I’m in a dilemma: despite our progress in reducing the debt, spending more money on a holiday right now feels wrong to me. I’ve brought up several times that our priority should be getting the debt down, but it hasn’t resolved the issue. How can I balance our financial goals with her desire for a holiday?

Thanks for any advice!

gwynlas

What matters is the level of debt compared to your level of income and emergency fund. It is normal to want at least one holiday a year otherwise you are just living to work.Obviously the holiday and associated costs could top £2500 so can you between you cut down on spending so that this is paid off over six months rather than added back to your debt?
If you would rather be debt free before spending on a holiday then you are incompatible as a couple and I see problems going forward. What are your joint plans  re getting married, save or splurge buying and furnishing a house? 
£10-15,000 is a significant amount of debt  unless you can clear it in less than a yeear between you.

Mark_d

Debt costs money.  Even if you get a 0% credit card balance transfer, your 3% free means you're wasting £300 every 24 months.

If you can cut your living costs/expenses and make a real reduction in the debt, then you'll be wasting less money servicing the debt hence you'll have more disposable income in the long run.

You're making good progress clearing the debt.  If you've trimmed your general expenses to the minimum (ie. £5 mobile contracts, so Sky TV or Netflix, rarely eating out etc.) the whilst the holiday would set you back in clearing your debts, maybe it's the reward you both need to keep you going.

Brie

Do you earn the same amount or is one of you supporting the other?  I think you need to have a serious talk about money.  The idea of "this is your money to spend, this is my money to spend and this is our money for household expenses" might bring things into perspective for her. 

If you are not happy paying for her extravagances then you need to make that clear and let her know the consequences - splitting up, her having a huge amount of debt to clear etc. 

You might want to review yourself where the debt is - credit cards in her name only, her using an associate card on your CC account etc.  Is the money being spent on things just for her (lunch out, lots of Starbucks) or luxury items for the house you share?

vacheron

NeedAdviceFC said:

Hi everyone,

I’m looking for some advice. There’s a big difference in priorities between my partner and me. She tends to live in the present and spends whatever we have, while I focus on the long term.

Between us, we had over £16,000 worth of credit debt at the start of the year....

Sorry for being a little pedantic, but if your partner "spends what we have", and you "focus long term", how have you amassed this £16k of debt between you? 

It sounds like at least one of you must have been spending what you don't have to have amassed this debt in the first place, though a commend your efforts to get this down, being honest with yourselves about how the situation came to be is important to prevent it re-occuring.


In relation to the holidays, I think they are important and many people need them to look forward to as an escape from the daily grind (my wife included), however those driving for a holiday often don't appreciate, or just don't want to face the reality, that this holiday money has to come from somewhere and that it will have taken "somebody" a considerable amount of time to amass the funds required.

For this reason, my approach was to open a joint holiday savings pot, and I have agreed with my wife that whatever money she decides to put in there each month, I will match it.
This helps to reinforce that this money is hard earned and requres patience and sacrifice on both our parts to acheive t our goal. This also allows both parties to be on board with the idea, but without requiring a "magic money tree" to fund it when the time comes, and if there are any complaints about it not happening soon enough, or the pot not being large enough, then the solution is simple, they just need to show a bit more commitment! 

RAS

I'm a strong believer in the Statement of Affairs. Your budget needs to include money put aside monthly to pay for annual costs like TV licence, insurance, MOT, Christmas and celebrations, and holidays. If you know it's going to happen, budget for it.

Even though you've been driving the debt down if doesn't look like either of you are living to a budget? If you are still just lurching from one crisis to another chance to save and back, you both need to get out the last 6-12 months statements and analyse where your money is going. Go to lemonfool.co.uk and hunt out their SOA, which you can format for MSE if you want. Every statement entry needs to be allocated to a line in the SOA.

As a short-term measure, can you set up a new account. You pay in enough monthly to cover half the cost over the next 4-6 months, pro rata on salary. Once that's saved, accept the halt in savings to cover the remainder, and limit spending? This once.

When you come back, use the established account to start saving for a holiday the following year. Easy enough to set up a SO immediately after your salary goes in.

I'd add that it's really important for GF to pay out all her monthly costs, and allocations for annual costs and emergency saving early in her salary month. And to only look at her current account. That could reduce the temptation to spend what there.

And you both sit down together once a month to discuss what's gone well, what's missing, what your short-term plans might be and your aspirations.

FlorayG

Can you compromise and go on a much cheaper holiday, with a promise of a better one when your debt is paid off? 
I think Vacheron's idea of a holiday pot where you match what she puts in is excellent - that's assuming you have separation of your two incomes, of course. It's not going to work if you have a joint account. If she's that desperate for the holiday she ought to be able to save £850 in 3 months