Short marriage - What to do?

thegreenone

Spendless said:

It was her choice to not look for 'regular' employment  

What?  Red Flags.  Big Bells.  My last sentence on my post above.

Spendless

thegreenone said:

Spendless said:

It was her choice to not look for 'regular' employment  

What?  Red Flags.  Big Bells.  My last sentence on my post above.

Certainly we had frustrations with this but what could we do. DS is an adult, if he accepts a non working wife then we can't stop it.

We made excuses for her the year we paid for their shared room accommodation and she wasn't working. The online sporadic work she'd found had been lucrative as she'd finished Uni and then it had died down. We thought she was waiting for that to become busy. Then we thought she was reluctant to find something before they knew what what they'd be doing once DS graduated. After he did they moved to DIL parents and found very basic jobs (cleaning, take away staff, factory work). DIL worked p-time in one of those. Both gave up their jobs to move nearer to us as the offer of a cheap rental came up and at the same time DS found f-time work in his degree subject. My friend used some connections to get DIL an interview, she bailed the day before on the grounds she was in her home town due to attending a Grandparents funeral and hadn't prepped for it not expecting it so soon. We gave her a plan to how to overcome the non-prep and DH was prepared to collect her and fetch her back but she still declined interview. When she moved to be near us, we asked her what sort of work she'd like to look for 'none where she had to talk to anyone' was the reply. We suggested non customer facing roles, offered help with CV, nothing was taken up. We were led to believe she was doing ok with her online work though we thought it would be very isolating for her and she'd be better off meeting people. Since the split I think how lucrative this online work was was greatly exaggerated and was only ever done if a little extra cash was needed eg if having a meal out.

Malthusian

Spendless said:

Yes. Both were students when they met as, house mates in Uni accommodation (individually paying rent). They weren't in a  relationship for the first couple of years, they were just friends  . DIL graduated in 2021. DS graduated a year later. During DS final year  DIL (then DS fiancée) lived in accommodation paid for by us (private halls where you pay per room rather than per person). We've always paid for DS Uni rent as he received the min loan. After graduation they briefly went and lived with DiL's parents where both worked, before moving to the rented property in our city in Autumn 2022 and then they married last year. 

DIL hasn't worked since graduating with the exception of the following  a brief p-time job when they lived with her parents and then she did some online work which fetched in a little money sporadically  from graduating till she left. It was her choice to not look for 'regular' employment  

So, a 4 (?) year relationship; of which about two years could be said to be "living as husband and wife" at a push. This is not my area of expertise at all but I'd be very surprised if this wasn't treated as a short marriage. A short marriage is generally considered five years or fewer unless circumstances demand otherwise. If they'd been co-habiting for ten years it would be different.

An inheritance received at this point, from a death post-dating their separation and declared intention to divorce, should not be viewed as a marital asset. Unless he deliberately entwined it with the marriage assets, e.g. by moving the money to a joint bank account or using it to buy a house in their joint names, which is clearly not going to happen.

Spendless

To answer some questions. 

Yes just short of 4 year relationship in total. Became bf/gf late summer 2020. Engaged a year later, married 2 years after that.

They've been married 10 months now. She left last month. 

Jemma01

Really sorry, your son dodged a bullet, she sounds like a liability.

Spendless

Jemma01 said:

Really sorry, your son dodged a bullet, she sounds like a liability.

Sadly I think you are correct. You're not the first to say this. I think a prev commenter is also correct with 

Cynical, but it sounds as though she could make a living doing this. (also not the first to say this)

On the morning they arrived unannounced taking stuff, I was let out of work by my boss and confronted both her and her Mum about the whole situation. Something DIL said was that 'she paid for their wedding rings' as though that shouldn't have been expected of her, totally ignoring that it was DS wages that had kept them afloat with regards to paying rent, utility bills, grocery shopping.

Or as a friend of mine keeps saying she expected 'a 4 bed detached with room for a pony' whilst not having to do anything towards achieving this. 

Angelica123

It sounds like your DIL did your son a favour by revealing her true colours so soon before they became more enmeshed in each others lives. Luckily, they don't own a house together and don't have kids - this will make the separation process much easier. As others have said, he is best getting legal advice. 

I think the other thing to prepare for is that she may decide that the grass is not greener and decide to come back. And your son may choose to take her back despite all the red flags. I say this because you mention confronting the DIL, and I would be wary about getting too involved in the drama side of the situation. Your son needs non-judgemental support from you. He also needs to be the one that's seeking legal support.