Worried about my brother

moksha76

My brother is 47 and lives at home with my 77 year old mother. He's got various mental health problems (anxiety, mild depression, possible ASD, etc), but he's never been officially diagnosed and has never claimed benefits. He's never really worked either, and has paid no National Insurance. In fact, he barely shows up on the government computers. My mother got some life insurance when my dad died and they live off that. However, I worry what will happen long term. Friends urge me to get him to a GP and have him signed off. But the truth is he could get a job. Yes, he has anxiety and mild depression, but who doesn't?! I can't see a GP accepting that he's unfit to work.

First of all, what if my mother has a stroke or something and has to go into a nursing home? Would the house have to be sold to pay her care fees? If so, would my brother be homeless? Or would he have a right to stay in the family home?

If she dies at home at, say, 86, he'll be a 56-year-old man with a blank CV. He'll inherit enough (once the house is sold) to buy a flat, but he'll then have to pay gas, heating, council tax, and so on. Who is going to give a 56-year-old man with a blank CV a job? If he's paid no National Insurance, will he qualify for any kind of state pension?

They're trapped in this awful, enmeshed mess. It suits her to have him there as she's scared of being old and alone, and it suits him not to have to work. But they shut out any thoughts of the future.

elsien

The house would be disregarded if your brother was over 60 when your mum went into care or if he is “incapacitated.” The difficulty he will have Is that he won’t have any evidence of his difficulties – no diagnosis, no GP appointments, et cetera. So it’s entirely possible that the local authority would put a deferred payment agreement in place for the house to be sold when your mum died.
and as you say, he will still need all his living expenses to come from somewhere, wherever he ends up living. 

If she went into care into the first place of course, because most people don’t. 

Without national insurance contributions there are benefits he won’t be entitled the state pension being one of them. Don’t think you need National insurance contributions for universal credit. But this part of the question might be better on the benefits sub forum.

But even if he’s theoretically capable of holding down a job, realistically speaking who’s going to employee 56-year-old man who’s never worked, has no references, no relevant skills? It would be better if he was willing to look into claiming any eligible benefits now so things are in place as and when anything happened to your mum. Have to be honest, though he has left himself in an extremely vulnerable position. 

Chloe_G

Can your mother claim Attendance Allowance and then your brother could claim Carer's Allowance and his NI will be paid whilst he is a carer?  My brother was in a very similar position and I managed to force him to claim carer's allowance as I was so worried about his NI record. 

Danien

It is important to get him to the GP if he will agree to go, and tell the GP you suspect ASD.

My husband did work but struggled with anxiety and depression his whole life. Eventually in his 40's he had a breakdown due to changes to his work situation which he couldn't cope with, which forced GP appointments and a mental health referral. He was diagnosed with ASD and we were able to get him the help he needed, both at work and at home - as I now knew how to help him with his mental health.

I wish he had been diagnosed prior to having a breakdown. Knowing would have meant we made very different life decisions in order to help him cope better.

If your brother does have ASD, it might seem he can work, but he may well just be stable because everything stays the same. I would suggest getting a diagnosis now, and ifhedoeshave ASD and it is agreed he can't cope with working then getting him assessed for UC due to his condition and consider whether he may qualifyfor PIP - for instance can he engage with other people who aren't his family, make and maintain friendships etc. Does he need reminding to do basic daily living activities, hygiene, manage finances, cook etc? How much help does you Mum give him? It will be much easier to sort out things now rather than during a crisis when his stress and anxiety would probably skyrocket if he does gave ASD.

And good on you for thinking of this and considering the needs of your brother. My husband’s brother was really dismissive and refused to understand ASD or the extra needs my husband had because of it and was really hurtful in the things he said.

Brie

Attendance allowance for mom and carer's for brother as already mentioned.  Does mom have a will and POAs in place?  And brother?  Sounds like you'll need to be the responsible adult and take it all on but better to do these things well in advance.  

unforeseen

Don't expect a quick diagnosis for ASD. It took me over 2 years from referral to get an assessment and diagnosis. 

Danien

unforeseen said:

Don't expect a quick diagnosis for ASD. It took me over 2 years from referral to get an assessment and diagnosis. 

Yep, it's very variable on the provision in your area. We were lucky, referral to diagnosis took a few months, but I know the area we live now it would take much much longer with a fight to even get a referral in the first place.