Unhealthy relationship with money? beating myself up over expenses :(

f.castle

Long story short, I ALWAYS BEAT MYSELF UP whenever I have an unexpected bill, and 'punish myself' when something happens. I found out yesterday a replacement car key for me is £470, it is a smart key, keyless go.
 I am really upset about this, and am thinking of ways to cut things out of my life to the value of £470 until that money is recouped. I feel bad I have to spend this on a replacement item, which was my fault for losing the key.
I realise this isn't normal. Can I afford the £470? Yes, well it is one month worth of savings, and I have alot more saved up.
But it hurts so much, and I feel very upset and want to cut out nice things until I recoup that £470.

In my head it's like 'well now you have have to pay the price, you should have never lost the key, so something has to give to learn my lesson'.
 How do I stop punishing myself for this, I'm a 35yo grown up. !!!!!! happens in life, but does anyone else take it out on themselves? urgh...

Show less

pramsay13

Josh Widdicombe the comedian talks about allowing yourself an 'idiot tax' of £1000 per year (or change the amount to suit) where you just accept that during the course of the year you will have to pay for things that are frustrating or annoying such as filling up car with wrong fuel, losing ear pods etc., but with your new mindset you just write them off and move on, so you've got another £530 before you need to worry.

Albermarle

Many people of course feel stressed/disappointed with themselves, but usually if those feelings last more than a day it is over something more serious than losing a car key.

So being p**sed off about losing something and the replacement cost is normal. But as long as you can afford it then you just have to quickly move on. 

f.castle

@pramsay13 thank you, that seems like such a helpful idea and to accept it is just life. @Albermarle yeah, i really did think it was just me, thanks for the perspective.

Ksw3

oh this is me! I thought I was the only one! I have no advice sadly other than please don't be too hard on yourself. 

IvanOpinion

As @pramsay13 says build a pot of money that is used for unexpected expenses (and not included in any of my cashflow plans). I have been using this technique for about 30 years, just a little bit aside each month and then if/when an unexpected bill comes in, do your swearing and then pay the bill from that pot of money, and it doesn't impact on saving plans, budgets or anything else.

At the minute my pot is quite healthy because it appears I did nothing stupid during COVID, but in the past it has covered things like car repair after accident (x2), leaky shower, speeding course, vet bills etc. I have even dipped into this pot when an expected expense came in much higher then I thought it would e.g. overspend on holiday (YOLO), more vet bills, forgetting our anniversary etc.

Just remember to stick a bit of 'spare' cash in it every month to build the pot up.