Cost of going into a care home.

Cacran

My Mum has dementia and really should go into a care home. At present my Dad looks after her but he is in his late 70's and is struggling. There is a place for her in the local authority home if she wants it and we'd all decided that it would be best. My Dad has had second thoughts as he thinks that he will be left with not enough money to live from. He has modest (in todays terms) savings, a home of his own and a private pension to suppliment the state one. Mum also has a private pension, they both worked for local government. He has been told that if she goes into care they will take her state pension and possibly her private pension and maybe force the sale of the home and take the savings. Dad says that as he is in good health and could potentially live for 20 more years, he does not want to live in poverty, he wants to enjoy his final part of his life going on holiday and spending their hard earned cash. If they had both spent the money wastefully, previously and not made provisions for themselves, the government would fund everything. He has decided to continue nursing her at home. That will result in him getting depressed and suicidal, which he tells me he is everytime I speak to him. Whilst I am not wanting to inherit anything, eventually, I do think that he should have everything they have earned to live life to the full. Why should my family pay for those who have lived a less thrifty life?

amandada

First of all, my thoughts are with you and your family-we are in exactly the same position and it's a b*st*rd of a disease.

Secondly-DON'T PANIC!! Your parents' home cannot be sold to pay for care.

Unfortunately my parents have been in an uncannily similar position to yours re superannuation-dad is ex local authority and mum is ex NHS.
There will be a financial review of your parents carried out, and unfortunately it does take all income and savings into consideration. My dad is of exactly the same opinion as yours-he's spent the last 10 years as a full time carer and now wants to have a life again.
I totally agree with what you have said about those who have frittered away/p**d their wholy all against a wall, as they are now in care homes and their families are no worse off, whilst the likes of my dad and yours have to pay a hefty chunk towards the care-it just doesn't feel right does it

bunty109

We had this with my grandmother. She was on her own and we had no alternative but to sell her flat etc. HOWEVER, along the way she was diagnosed with dementia that was classed as category A by our authority (Greater London) and the local PCT and social services are paying for her care in spite of the fact that she had a flat and savings.

It might be worth speaking to your GP and seeing if he can get your mother assessed and perhaps he can help find someone who can explain what your options are.

Doodles

Hi
I'm really sorry to hear that you mum has dementia. My mum suffered from Altzheimers (about 10 years of suffering in all) and spent her final 2 years in a care home.

I have to say I found a couple of the generalisations in this thread upsetting though and would like to post a different side if I may.

Have you ever been in one of these homes that the 'government funds'? My personal experience is that they are awful places, it was like a hell on earth for my mum and I spent the last few months of mum's life trying to get her moved to a better place. She died before I was successful. I can tell you if she had the money, or if I had the money I would have willingly paid for her to be in a better place. Government funded places do not, in my experience, provide decent care.

Also my mum never frittered/pi**ed her money away as I suspect many other people who end up in homes either. She was unskilled, forced to leave school at 15 by her parents and then spent all her life working, sometimes 3 jobs at a time, in low paid jobs. All her salary went on trying to keep a roof over our heads, food, basic care, there was simply not enough to save for retirement, care etc, let alone luxuries.

Just trying to give a different perspective here, this is not meant to offend anyone.

Practical advice I can give is to get your mum properly assessed by the doctors and consultants and get all the advice you can get from them as well as social services. There may be other options you're not aware of at this stage.

I am very very sorry to hear of your mum's illness, I really am.

wishing you all the best

seven-day-weekend

I can only repeat what margaret has said, they will not take your dad's home as he is living in it. He does not need to worry on that score.

They will take your mum's income into consideration and any of HER savings (not your dad's). I suppose if any savings are in joint names half will be considered to be hers.

I have every sympathy for your mum and all of you, my sister died nearly two years ago; she had had Alzheimers for fifteen years and was only 75. A dreadful condition.

I wish your dad and your family well.

KizzyK_2

If its possible why dont you visit both places. In my experience every home differs and it doesn't matter if its council or private.
My Gran (mums mum) was in a various private nursing homes for the last 5 years of her life (major paralyzing stroke) the first was really horrible, nurses didn't care or communicate with the residents very well, the second was lovely for all the right reasons but got closed down 8 months after she moved in to be made into flats and the last which she spend the last 3 years of her life was okay, far better than the first but nowhere near the quality of the second.
My Nan (dads mum) on the other hand has the whole dementia/alzheimer package. She has lived in a smallish council run place since July and they are wonderful. The nurses are great, they take the residents out to the theatre and the seaside. The last one was to see the xmas lights up now in the back of their minibus.

We've found that Age Concern are a great help with everything

Cacran

Thankyou for your replies. My parents have always earned a modest income but chose to contribute to an extra pension. I know that through illness or uncontrolable circumstances, some peaople have been unable to put extra money away. A lot of people spend what they have, feast or famine syndrome and good luck to them. My kids are like that and I am hoping they change. My agument is that we should all be treat the same in the end. I have always saved my money. My husband has an ordinary maual job, I have not worked for 23 years from choice and we go on a number of holidays a year. I don't smoke or drink. I have an allotment, make things from nothing and I have a lot of fun. I am happy, but thrifty! That will mean I pay for my care when I get old. Many of my friends, smoke, drink, go out for meals, wear designer clothes, live in palaces and go on lots of holidays. They may not have any money left so will get their care paid for. In my opinion, that is unfair. I appreciate that they have a choice but it should not make them better off than me in the end as they have chosen to live differently.

Cacran

<P>Thanks for that Margaret, of course you are right in what you say. Sometimes things seem a bit unfair. I guess everyone has their own way of looking at things. Not sure what Dad is going to do about Mum. Will have to let it pan out, I guess.</P>

Pink_Fairy_2

Cacran wrote: »

My Mum has dementia and really should go into a care home. At present my Dad looks after her but he is in his late 70's and is struggling. There is a place for her in the local authority home if she wants it and we'd all decided that it would be best. My Dad has had second thoughts as he thinks that he will be left with not enough money to live from. He has modest (in todays terms) savings, a home of his own and a private pension to suppliment the state one. Mum also has a private pension, they both worked for local government. He has been told that if she goes into care they will take her state pension and possibly her private pension and maybe force the sale of the home and take the savings. Dad says that as he is in good health and could potentially live for 20 more years, he does not want to live in poverty, he wants to enjoy his final part of his life going on holiday and spending their hard earned cash. If they had both spent the money wastefully, previously and not made provisions for themselves, the government would fund everything. He has decided to continue nursing her at home. That will result in him getting depressed and suicidal, which he tells me he is everytime I speak to him. Whilst I am not wanting to inherit anything, eventually, I do think that he should have everything they have earned to live life to the full. Why should my family pay for those who have lived a less thrifty life?

This is a terrible dilemma for you to be in. As others have said, the authorities cannot force the sale of the house as they would then need to also provide alternative accommodation for your father. Would he consider having home carers coming in daily to assist (as many times as he feels necessary ie getting up & bedtime), maybe a sitting service a couple of times a week to give him free time to go out and about, and possibly respite care for if he wants to go away? This might be a less expensive compromise which would mean he doesn't have to us all his savings and can still enjoy life himself.

If you mother does go into a home, make sure that you check with CSCI or CHAI for the latest inspection report (I think that's right - I'm in Wales, so it's different here), also do off the cuff visits and use instincts. If you access home care, ask around for recommendations, and again check their inspection reports. I'm an NVQ Assessor in Health & Social Care. Remember they must have a minimum of 50% trained staff by now!

Cacran

Thanks again Margaret. Pink Fairy, my dad does have helpers come to the home and she goes to day centres 3 days a week now she is also getting respite care so he hasn't got it too bad in a sense. I guess that he being 77 and having to deal with mum getting up and dressed in the night trying to get out of the house and being incontinent etc is getting him down. He has a jolly good moan to me about it. He is quite selfish at times but he does have a huge cross to bear realistically.

Cacran

Grahamliza4, no it is not lazy. My husband does not like me going out to work. I worked for 15 years before I had children. The 23 years in since then. I have never claimed any benefits of any sort, either unemployment, sickness or tax credits. My husband has worked shifts and his wage has been adequate for us to live off. We have savings and both of us have private pensions. When the time comes I will pay up all my missing NI payments so that I can get full state pension. I have the job of running the home doing everything, decorating, gardening, child care for our two children, looking after the allotment and actually I do work at a school over the lunchtime period. You could say that we have been a old type of family which has suited us down to the ground. Our savings mean that we will never be able to claim any benefits and would have to pay for our care unless of course we have a sudden change of lifestyle and blow it. Actually, I am not in the best of health and have not been for 20 years, not bad enough to consider myself incapable of work but I actually hardly ever stop. Think about things before you jump to the conclusion that non working wives are lazy. I have just left a job open for someone who needs or wants to work.